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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should get a new place with me

86 replies

littlepieces · 15/08/2021 12:45

DP owns a flat with his brother (25) who he lived with for a couple of years until the brother lost his at the start of the pandemic. Unable to pay the mortgage, the brother went to live at home with their parents in the suburbs, and I moved in with DP, paying for the brother's share of the mortgage.

18 months later, the brother finally has a (remote) job and wants to move back in asap because he's bored at home and Tinder isn't as good there... Their family's expectation is that I'll simply move out, back into a houseshare, and the brother moves back in and continues to live with DP...

DP wants to leave and rent somewhere with me. However, in December they're expecting a huge service charge bill for essential works on the building, circa £40,000 that they don't really have. There could be more costs too. He says he doesn't want to be paying more to rent somewhere when he has this bill to pay. (For us to rent somewhere similar would be more than double the current cost of mortgage and bills).

Aibu to be pretty gutted I have to move back into a random flatshare?

OP posts:
Original poster
littlepieces · 15/08/2021 12:46

*lost his job at the start of the pandemic

OP posts:
Henrytheehoover · 15/08/2021 12:47

Why can't you all stay in the flat together? Why do you need to leave?

trevorandsimon · 15/08/2021 12:48

Well surely it's your boyfriends decision. Why doesn't he sell or rent his half to someone ride and move in somewhere new with you?
If your boyfriends brother owns half then he has a right to live there so it's up to your boyfriend what he does with his half

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 12:49

Your boyfriend can leave and brother can find someone to move in

But also as pp why can't you stay?

GoWalkabout · 15/08/2021 12:51

Yanbu you have essentially been used to step in and pay brothers share. However, it would seem sensible to look at the long term plan - maybe the three of you live there until the service charge is paid and then dp figures out how he is going to move on from this arrangement.

GoodnightGrandma · 15/08/2021 12:51

If you’re paying the brother’s share of the mortgage, do you have anything legal stating that you own a percentage ?

Theunamedcat · 15/08/2021 12:52

Will he be paying the entire mortgage by himself if you and dp move out?

GoWalkabout · 15/08/2021 12:52

You shouldn't keep putting money into their mortgage unless you are going to benefit.

54321nought · 15/08/2021 12:53

you are a lodger, so you have no rights, other than one week's notice.

Sandinmyknickers · 15/08/2021 12:54

Well if the brother owns half the flat then of course he can move back in and you, as the tenant presumably, have to move out. Yabu to suggest you continue living there and he finds a flat share (as presumably that is his altenative too)

However it seems the sensible thing to do is that they sell the flat and use the payout go separate ways (or your DP sells his share of the flat to the brother) as presumably they are not planing on living together forever, this was just to help them both get on the ladder which they wouldn't have been able to do independently?
If so, if your DP feels that he is at a point in his life where he no longer wants to live with his brother and has a serious long term partner whom he would like to live with, then really it's up to him to sort out his longer term living situation. I would say this is his problem. Not the brother's. He is allowed to live in a flat he part owns

Sandinmyknickers · 15/08/2021 12:57

@GoWalkabout

You shouldn't keep putting money into their mortgage unless you are going to benefit.
Not really. Sounds like she is the brothers tenant. If she didn't move in, they would have had to rent out to someone else...just because its her partner doesn't mean she had any rights on home ownership or a mortgage, unless the brother chooses to sell to her...OP, could that also be an option? Brother sells his share to you?
WomanStanleyWoman · 15/08/2021 12:59

You’re not ‘paying his brother’s share of the mortgage’. You’re essentially a lodger. What did you agree would happen if the brother wanted to move back in at any point?

Wingedharpy · 15/08/2021 13:04

Did they not discuss what they would do if either of them met partners, before they bought the flat together?

Notaroadrunner · 15/08/2021 13:24

@GoodnightGrandma

If you’re paying the brother’s share of the mortgage, do you have anything legal stating that you own a percentage ?
Don't be daft. She's a tenant in a flat and as such is not entitled to a percentage of the property. Op either suggest to your dp and his brother that you stay and continue to pay rent, or find your own place. Clearly none of you really thought this through when you decided to move in.
GoWalkabout · 15/08/2021 13:25

I was just thinking that the brothers should be careful that OPs contributions cannot be proved by her to be intended as a loan or interest in the house, and that OP doesn't resent her contributions if it goes on longer or they break up - they would be best having written agreements in place
www.familylawgroup.co.uk/site/blog/flg-news/what-rights-do-you-have-to-your-home-if-you-separate

Notaroadrunner · 15/08/2021 13:25

Should say a lodger as opposed to tenant.

timeisnotaline · 15/08/2021 13:26

Obviously his brother can move in. Can’t you just stay, I assume you’re sharing dps room?
Otherwise yes it’s a bit crap but it’s dps decision and will tell you a lot about the future of your relationship. I hope you weren’t paying more than you would in rent though, that would be a serious red flag you were just being used rather than valued.

SuperSketchy · 15/08/2021 13:27

I was also going to say could you not all live in the same flat? I'm guessing it's a two bed and you share a bedroom with dp.

flowery · 15/08/2021 14:15

”Their family's expectation is that I'll simply move out”

Not sure what the family have to do with it? Surely the only people who have a say are DP and his brother?

girlmom21 · 15/08/2021 14:20

How does your DP feel about you moving out?
Why do you feel like you've been paying the brothers share of the mortgage when you have no legal standing?
Why do the family have any say in what happens?

Original poster
littlepieces · 15/08/2021 15:52

Thanks everyone.
We can't all live in the flat together because it's a pokey 2 bed place (2nd bedroom is more of a cupboard) and all three of us will be mostly working from home long term.

Also I'm paying considerably less 'rent' here than I was in a houseshare for which I'm very grateful for. I'd have no intention of staking any claim to what I've 'paid into' the flat. I just see myself as a lodger. The family is very close and contributed to the deposit and they want their youngest son living in the flat they bought him.

OP posts:
flowery · 15/08/2021 15:57

”they want their youngest son living in the flat they bought him.”

Well of course he should live there if he wants to. It’s then up to your DP whether he sublets his room to a lodger and rents with you, or takes steps to force a sale of the property so he can buy without sharing with his brother.

icedcoffees · 15/08/2021 16:04

Can DP's brother afford to buy him out if he moves in with you, or will the flat have to be sold?

I don't think it's very straightforward, tbh.

Suprima · 15/08/2021 16:09

@littlepieces

Thanks everyone. We can't all live in the flat together because it's a pokey 2 bed place (2nd bedroom is more of a cupboard) and all three of us will be mostly working from home long term.

Also I'm paying considerably less 'rent' here than I was in a houseshare for which I'm very grateful for. I'd have no intention of staking any claim to what I've 'paid into' the flat. I just see myself as a lodger. The family is very close and contributed to the deposit and they want their youngest son living in the flat they bought him.

There’s still a way around it- coworking spaces, cafes…you don’t need to be in each other’s faces all of the time.

I don’t think that you should have to move out, and your BF should be keeping you together.

Lifeispassingby · 15/08/2021 16:09

Tbh I would feel a bit used TBH. Your DP wanted you to live there with him whilst his brother was unable to pay his way and now he has a new job and can pay they are both happy to wave you off?

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