My 10 year old just told me he is gay

[Didifuckitup]

Did I fuck it up. I don’t know if I responded wrong.
This has come from nowhere. He hasn’t hit puberty yet. He’s so young. He’s had the usual little girlfriends at school and crushes on girls.
And like a bolt out of the blue told me today , mum I don’t know how to tell you this. I’m gay.

It came out of nowhere at all . He’s the most boy ish boy and totally unexpected.

Can you really know if you are gay as young as ten? He has had sex Ed type stuff lately at school and he said he “knows all about gay/bi and alllll the genders now.. “
I don’t know if those lessons have made him feel like he needs to “tick a box” or “fit” or if he’s just sure he’s gay.

I basically said, “ oh that’s fine, no biggie. It makes no difference to me and dad if you are gay or straight as long as you are confident and happy. You will hit puberty soon and hormones will be raging, and you will fancy all kinds of people. You may fancy girls down the line, or boys, or both. And don’t be confused by that if you do. It’s all normal . You are only ten and that’s really young , please don’t feel like you have to pick a sexuality at your age, these things will all figure themselves out in time”

And then I thought shit was that the wrong thing to say. I don’t know. He suffers with anxiety and a few other health issues and I don’t want to mess this up but maybe I already did. Can you know you are gay so young? Can these school chats confuse kids these days? Should I say anything else ?

Hope I haven’t confused him more

But the op did not say what you are implying!

I haven't read this entire thread but a large chunk of it. Whilst I think you said all the right things in one way I think you come across as highly anxious in your posts here and also looking to explain it away and anxiously checking if people do know at that age as though you would very much prefer him not to be. Presumably you haven't worried about the influence of his having little gfs etc in a childish way as a lot of adults will talk in that sort of way and think nothing of this. The chat or encouragement of that is surely as influencing but you don't seem to have noticed that. It also strikes me that you launched into a big speech rather than chat with him and just listen. Maybe he wanted to talk to you rather than have you talk to him? At least showing him he can talk to you seems to be key. I realise my reply sounds bit critical which I don't mean. I am just surprised that everyone is going that's a great reply without maybe thinking about how we communicate more with how we say things. And kids really pick up on stuff. You say he shut you down when you tried to suggest he wasn't gay. For example. To me I get the impression you are anxious and not completely relaxed about it. I think the not wanting your child to suffer or be teased argument may be powerful to you but it's also not a brilliant way to think and often the excuse brought out when parents push their kids in a particular direction. Not saying you are doing that you are obviously a caring parent. I think rather than launching into talking to him again I'd maybe take a bit of time to think about whether you do mind even if you're coming up with justifications of why or whether you do have assumptions and maybe tackle them a bit for yourself first so he doesn't pick up on them.

My little sister knew when she was 10.

@Italiangreyhound

But the op did not say what you are implying!

The OP isn't the person who first used the word 'fashionable,' no. That's why my post refers to what 'people' (plural) on the thread are saying.

I didn’t tell him that. I told
Him not to be s confused if his feelings change back and forth between boys and girls as that’s normal? He may end up preferring girls boys or both and I wanted him to know that’s fine if things change when he hits puberty

I don't think it's a bad response, and I may well have said much the same in that situation. But I have to say, these kinds of thread do often show up the fact that parents often seem to give the ''It's fine, we love you whatever your sexuality turns out to be" response (airily and casually implying that it's likely to change), when they wouldn't even think of responding that way if their son showed an interest in girls.

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-birmingham-58297761

Yeah being gay is so fashionable. I wonder if teenagers are pretending to be gay in predominately Muslim areas.

@stoconsole

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-birmingham-58297761

Yeah being gay is so fashionable. I wonder if teenagers are pretending to be gay in predominately Muslim areas.

That's shocking, I hope they go to jail for a very long time.

@YouJustDoYou

My little sister knew when she was 10.

Real does not mean permanent

You can really be gay when young, and then heterosexual when you are older- this is a common experience

It is not helpful to anyone to pretend this doesn't happen

Some people who are gay when they are young are still gay when they are older

Some people who are gay when they are young are straight when they are older

Sometimes the other way around too

I knew at 10 that I was attracted to girls. It must have been earlier actually as I had a crush on an older girl who was in year 6.

I knew that lots of girls in my class were giggling about boys and I didn't share the interest but felt the same about a few girls.

I also knew this wasn't 'normal' (in my young 1990s head) and didn't say anything.

I think if I grew up now and saw the positive movements around being gay and knew it was OK (it was never discussed in my childhood) then I might have 'came out' at a young age too?

I mean what is coming out? It's just stating your attraction, which many 10 year old do with the same sex. When a 10 year old girl fancies Harry styles it's cute. So if she fancies a female equivalent is it that big of a deal?

I'm actually bisexual, but from very young to 15 I thought I was a lesbian.

I say I'm bisexual but my DH is the only man I've ever been attracted to Every single other crush and relationship in my life has been with women. Weird really

@54321nought

What's your point?

[quote Ancientcistern]@54321nought

What's your point?[/quote]
My point is not to "box them in" by celebrating being gay to such an extent that they are not comfortable about telling people later that they are straight.

I have known "gay" teens tie themselves in all sorts of knots about "coming out" as straight when they are older, to the extent that some have left the area they have grown up in, and cut all ties with old friends!

Accept, don't insult anyone by saying their sexuality isn't "real" or just a phase, but just that being gay now might last a life time, or might not, and either is ok

I don't see anyone saying that it should be celebrated, just that it shouldn't br dismissed.