I fucking hate my child at the moment

[fassnk]

I just.... argh. DS is 2yrs 2 months and EVERYTHING is a bastard battle. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, putting shoes on, eating, taking the dog for a walk, getting in the car, getting in the bath, going to bed is done with DS having a meltdown, screaming and flailing about. Hes now taken to swan diving backwards while simultaneously going limp, so he just ends up banging his head on the floor and rolling about. He managed to headbutt my eye socket while doing that today. And yesterday he lashed out and full on slapped me round the face, hes a strong little bugger as well. I'm just so fed up, and so exhausted managing multiple tantrums, that today I hate him. Is this normal?! I try my best to stay calm, encourage him to tell me whats wrong, move away if hes hitting out and say "Yes I know youre angry but no hitting as that hurts" blah blah but its not helping. I'm close to absolutely losing my shit with him to be honest and that wont help anyone. I have a DP but he works away a lot so most of the time its just me, I feel so alone and lost and angry.

Phase. Totally normal. Likely to come and go until at least 5 or so. Take deep breaths, count to ten etc etc.

Also good advice is to accept the feeling but hold the boundary I.e.

“I can see that you’re feeling frustrated, I understand that. But even if were frustrated we don’t hit”

Tiresome. Galling. You feel like a dick but eventually it sinks in.

Ps- you don’t hate them, and don’t beat yourself up later for saying you do. You’re just venting.

I have one of these too. You are not alone.

Naughty step
Every time - will drive you mad for a while but it will eventually help with the tantrums

You warn him
Then carry him there

And yeah it normal and I'm sorry you are going through it but he will come out the other end 💐

First, you don't gate him and you will beat yourself up later for saying that. (Don't we all say things like that now and again)

Second, if DS is only 2 I assume you've had little interaction with HV?

It's highly likely just normal 2yr old stuff but you mention meltdowns etc .. how extreme are they? When you say everything is battle? Can you elaborate? Is he just not wanting to do these things or is there more to it?

Absolutely normal, in fact a sign that he’s developing great!! So hard in the moments though, so so challenging at times I understand and regularly I feel like absolutely screaming the house down myself or lying kicking my feet in a temper.
some things that have helped me over the years- remembering toddlers mainly want two things- power/ control and also attention. So don’t sweat the small stuff- give him choice within your own limits. so for example getting shoes on for going out a walk- if this usually difficult give a small choice - what shoes the red or the navy?
Ensure they get at least 10 mins one to one attention no phone etc activity completely directed by them once a day or several times a day.
Time to leave the park/ avoid meltdown s by saying ok we are going to leave soon- how many more minutes would you like you pick any number 1/2/3/4 or 5? They pick number , ah great number/ choice and then Set the timer on phone and say hey your number is here now let’s go . All said very jolly and hey ho. Any resistance just say it’s time to leave the park nice and calmly and lift and carry with u!
If they are struggling against something or for example hitting- you say oh son I see you are upset recognise the feeling but I won’t let you hit me and nice and calm( inside your prob raging but they don’t need to see that!) lift him and move him away/ you away or whatever he is hitting.
If giving a consequence only do so if it’s a natural one... so no threatening if we won’t go to the park if you won’t eat your dinner type of thing as parks arnt related to dinner in real life. So a natural consequence would be for example messing before bath time, if u continue to mess/ not get undressed etc then we won’t have time for stories/ tv before bed as it’s nearly dark/ set bedtime etc.
Or rephrase as a positive - We need to get our shoes on now so we can have lots of time to play in the park together/ which shoes red or blue , you pick?
If you are on Instagram the page big little feelings is great - so many helpful ideas and things.
But absolutely most of all remember you’re doing a great job, IT IS hard work, everyone is in the same boat even if they don’t publicly share it and nobody has it perfect with their child at all!feet up tonight and relax, tomorrow will be a better day x

You need to reframe everything so he feels he has some control. So don't say to him to brush his teeth. Say "right, what do you want to do first, brush your teeth or put your pyjamas on?" "What pyjamas do you want to wear? The red ones or the blue ones?". If he screams he wants to play with a toy or go to the park, don't just say no, say "wow, what a great idea, shall we do that after breakfast tomorrow?". If he behaves ok at any point in the day, praise, praise, praise!

Good luck!

Cross post with @Panda2021. Similar advice!

Totally normal in my experience.......the whole day is a battle and its exhausting and then for good measure they dont sleep!
Im with you op!

Tomorrow's another day, OP

@bettertimesarecomingnow Ive considered this but wasnt sure if he is too young?

They don't call it the terrible twos for no reason.

It does get better honestly.

If you feel your losing it leave him somewhere safe and walk away.

@rabbitheadlights ok so this morning - he had a dirty nappy. I said "ok, lets change your nappy and clean you all up" "no" which turns into "no no no" then "NOOOOO" and running away from me. Stay where I am, he runs past so I catch him and start taking nappy off, he then starts the throwing himself about and screaming and flailing his arms around. Same with taking off pjamas and putting clothes on - even though he chose his clothes and shoes and seemed quite excited about it!

Being a parent is a bit like being at war. You have someone pushing your boundaries and wearing you down.
I have two, older one, 14, is now easy.
Ten year old, it's still war but thankfully not toddler level. Still infuriating though.

I'm battling a 7 yo with all the things you mentioned, especially brushing teeth, and homework. Throw in back chat. Other child is a dream compared to him

I remembered this stage. I look back at pictures now of DD at 2-4 and she's adorably cute but all I remember is how difficulty everything was and what a shit mum I felt like.

That sounds like an over- tired and over-stimulated child, to be honest.

And going against the grain, doesn't sound normal at all. Especially the lashing out.

I would have a chat to your HV. It sounds exhausting

Oh god I have a 3 year old 1 month and we are just getting threw it. It’s totally normal. My husband says toddlers are so cute because we would all give them back if they weren’t.

In all seriousness my husband worked away a lot too I completely understand it’s hard take a break for your self if you can. I promise you it does get better.

I have memories of holding a 2 year olds legs trying to clean shit which I as going everywhere, while he was trying to do somersaults.

The only good bit about 2 year olds is when they're asleep, and one of mine didn't do much of that either.

It does start to get miraculously better at age 3-4.

I have a 4yo that's like that. But she starts school on Monday so hopefully that'll help her.

@bettertimesarecomingnow

Naughty step Every time - will drive you mad for a while but it will eventually help with the tantrums

You warn him
Then carry him there

And yeah it normal and I'm sorry you are going through it but he will come out the other end 💐

I wish this worked here. Mine is just turn three and we've been at this for a year. The step and the time outs make zero difference. He just happily wallops me or his family and still has endless tantrums. It's exhausting.

[quote fassnk]@rabbitheadlights ok so this morning - he had a dirty nappy. I said "ok, lets change your nappy and clean you all up" "no" which turns into "no no no" then "NOOOOO" and running away from me. Stay where I am, he runs past so I catch him and start taking nappy off, he then starts the throwing himself about and screaming and flailing his arms around. Same with taking off pjamas and putting clothes on - even though he chose his clothes and shoes and seemed quite excited about it![/quote]
Yup. This is very familiar. Apparently he's not like it at all when he's at nursery so I know it's just him testing boundaries with me. I ignore / distract. Sometimes I just sing very loudly while I manhandle him into a clean nappy or his pyjamas or whatever.

You have my sympathies. Kids are jerks x

Pick him up from behind, less likely to be hit that way.

I second @biglittlefeelings. Total gamechanger here - my DS threw epic, biblically tantrums but their techniques reduced them a lot.

Also, in the nappy scenario I'd just shove Peppa Pig on my phone, but maybe I'm lazy