I fucking hate my child at the moment

[fassnk]

I just.... argh. DS is 2yrs 2 months and EVERYTHING is a bastard battle. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, putting shoes on, eating, taking the dog for a walk, getting in the car, getting in the bath, going to bed is done with DS having a meltdown, screaming and flailing about. Hes now taken to swan diving backwards while simultaneously going limp, so he just ends up banging his head on the floor and rolling about. He managed to headbutt my eye socket while doing that today. And yesterday he lashed out and full on slapped me round the face, hes a strong little bugger as well. I'm just so fed up, and so exhausted managing multiple tantrums, that today I hate him. Is this normal?! I try my best to stay calm, encourage him to tell me whats wrong, move away if hes hitting out and say "Yes I know youre angry but no hitting as that hurts" blah blah but its not helping. I'm close to absolutely losing my shit with him to be honest and that wont help anyone. I have a DP but he works away a lot so most of the time its just me, I feel so alone and lost and angry.

Owh I have one of these! He's 4 now and is getting much better, you'll get there OP

I have a very distinct memory of holding my pfb arse under the shower pouring soap on it and swilling it all clean all the time she was pinned under my armpit like a chicken because she wouldn't allow me to change her (poonami from hell) dirty nappy she was surprisingly compliant next time

My youngest still has a scar on his head from when he would headbang the floor in temper and hit a stickle brick

My middle one nearly broke my nose headbutting me by throwing his head backwards when I picked him up he was a flinger to the degree that if I picked him up off the floor I would secure him by either wrapping my arm around his shoulders and hugging him close (so he couldn't headbutt) or I held his shirt and sort or angled my head away to avoid the inevitable black eye

2 year olds can be arseholes somedays

Also don't feel guilty, I have 2 others and they are like night and day, but he's very sweet and adorable and has a huge personality. Just an obstinate little bugger.

My 3 year old is a walking,talking reminder to use a condom..... gorgeous but an absolute arse hole. He dislocated my shoulder, broke a tooth, bites so hard I needed stitches. I don’t have any advice but you’re not alone op.

I will swap you for DD, age 2, recently decided it's best if she screams loudly if asked to do anything whatsoever. Definitely demand avoidant, prone to whacking me in the face, loves to tantrum over nothing at all.

@WeDidntMeanToGoToSea

2 - especially newly 2 - is a BABY. They are really really very very young at this age. They live absolutely in the moment. I'm wondering if you're doing transitions quite abruptly?

I do think you need to reflect on where the feelings of hate come from - that is a very strong response and it doesn't sound entirely impulsive, given you've typed it out twice.

Clutch those pearls a little bit tighter dear.

Oh its so hard 😫 hence I never had another child but now I have the most laid back boy ever, yes he's had his tantrums but never had trouble at school etc. I found the toddler years hideous 😭

Don't beat yourself up OP.
It is a very trying age.

I remember my eldest dd kicking me in the face when she was 2.
She had been walking around the park with me and it was time to go home. She said her legs were tired and I went to put her in the pushchair and she said no. I said yes pushchair now to go home for lunch and she kicked me so hard in the face I had a black eye and it made me dizzy.

She is 17 now and is such a lovely young lady.
I think she had her trying times at 2 and I also found 6 difficult
As a teenager she is an actual breeze and is great company.

Keep it simple with a two year old. One thing that helped massively was a routine and teaching him sign language. Plus carrying snacks and lots of exercise.
Our routine - helped because I had a newborn, was going out every morning without fail. Even if just to the park/walking the streets whatever the weather.

Any violent behaviour would be met with
A firm “no”.

Oh OP, hugs.

My DD was like this. In fact we were talking (and laughing) about her toddler years together over dinner this evening. It was hard, hard, HARD work. Infuriating and enraging and upsetting. I sometimes had to shut myself in the bathroom for fear I would smack her, and sometimes, yes, I felt like I hated her. Looking back, it was a short phase, and we got through it. I see that your partner is away a lot, but I hope you have opportunities to take time out for yourself to recharge your batteries.

DD is nearly 16 now, and an utterly charming and wonderful young woman. Obviously I'm biased, but actually most people she meets think she is a ray of sunshine.

Incidentally, our second child has never had a tantrum in his life. He isn't perfect and has presented different challenges, but it was a relief not to have to do the Rumpelstiltskin phase a second time.

You can do this; just keep going.

Sympathies, but you'll get through it.

Your comments on swandiving backwards and going limp, reminded me that my DS used to go completely rigid like a straight poker and could not be moulded to get into the car / buggy. 😂

The closed choice is your friend here. Don't make No an option. So its not let's get ready for bed. Instead it's Do you want to brush your teeth or shall I do it? Do you want to brush your teeth first or get changed then brush them.

My 3 year old is a walking,talking reminder to use a condom..... 😆

Oh yes i get you OP, I have one of these too. Such a gorgeous little baby who literally turned into a monster pretty much as soon as the first lockdown started…It’s friggin hard and I’m knackered.

I keep reminding myself that nothing has to be perfect, she’s fed, clean, exercised, etc…what’s that old MN saying again?…”Everyone fed, no one dead.”

Oh gosh yes @JetBlackSteed, I remember the old 'ironing board' routine when you wanted to put them in car seat or buggy. You have to sort of gentlyish elbow them in the middle to get them to fold . Also fond memories of carrying DD under one arm like a surfboard while she pummelled me with her fists and pulled my hair, the little shit.

And I will never forget the sympathetic "having a bad day, love?" From an old man, after I basically had to slide dd across the floor of our supermarket by the reigns, because she refused to walk. Her older brother had his moments, but dd made me totally get the myths about changeling and faerie children.

Her tantrums affected us all and it felt so personal. In hindsight, a lot was about a fear of change and need for control. It's what makes her such a model school child, but we still talk about her toddler years with a shudder.

DGD at age 3 was left with DH and I while parents and older grandson went on a ride at Disneyland. She went completely nuts, screaming and crying, kicking, head butting, flinging her arms around. The whole thing. She made a huge scene, and I got several big bruises. We had to hold her through this as she would have run off.

We were lucky we weren't arrested for child abuse I am sure. It was that bad.

Frankly I had no idea how to stop it, despite having two of my own and having worked in child psychiatry.

I concluded she was just headstrong and did my best to cope.

She's a teen now, and a lovely young lady, but still headstrong. She knows what she wants and goes for it.

Warning, cliche coming. I think it's her ginger hair.

All the best toddler Mums.

Ahh the ironing board routine! I had a mclaren buggy where you could tighten the straps with one hand i would loosely clip them over her tickle with my left hand pull the straps tight with my right hand it was fantastic sadly it was very light and she managed to topple it nearly hurting herself in the process but while it lasted it was great

Absolutely typical behaviour from your 2 year old and absolutely normal for a worn out exhausted mum to go through times of feeling like you do. Never in a million years did I ever realise just how hard it is to bring up young kids. My sister tells me the teenager years are even tougher but in different ways, but I’ve got all that to come! Honestly sometimes i lie awake at night when they have FINALLY gone to sleep and think do other people find it as tough as I do? I think the answer is probably yes! Be kind to yourself x

Disclaimer: I don’t have children. I worked in EYFS for years, though, and have experienced more than my fair share of small children screaming/fighting/refusing to do anything.

The one thing I am sure of is that in the moment, whilst they are tantrumming, is they cannot be reasoned with or even really talked to. They can’t hear it or take it in. I think trying to talk about their feelings at that point is useless. I agree with the PP who said a firm, sharp “No! We do not hit/bite etc” and turning away is a good tactic.