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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child picked up DS

98 replies

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:11

I don't know how I feel about this and just want to know how you would have reacted. It isn't the first time the following has happened.

DS is 3. We were at the park and I was with the pram and the baby. DS went on a slide and was chatting to an older girl who must have been about 6 or 7. She wasn't much taller than him but she was a bit stouter and he doesn't weigh loads so she was able to pick him up.

From behind with one arm around his middle and one sort of between his legs under his knee. It was as though he was a doll.

This has happened before, a young girl picking him up.

Would you be okay with that? My thoughts were that I didn't want her to drop him, start walking with him, but also that he's my little boy, not your doll.

If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?

What do you think? Genuinely interested.

Yabu - it's normal and fine
Yanbu - doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:

youdoyoutoday · 13/08/2021 16:18

Well comparing what an adult and child does with your kid is weird for start but I would go with how your son reacted, if he didn't like it, just tell her not to do it again. You're the adult here but seeing as the moment has well and truly passed, you're over thinking it.

1940s · 13/08/2021 16:19

I do think it's quite normal for the older children to baby the ones they perceive as younger and as a rule it's no harm done. I would however politely say 'no thank you he doesn't want to be carried' and I'd also expect her parents to be discouraging it.

It wouldn't anger me though I'd just not want my child carried around the whole time

Alleycat02 · 13/08/2021 16:22

YANBU - Although I wouldn't react with anger I definitely would make it clear that she's not to pick him up.
I have never let my older children pick up their younger siblings for precisely that reason, I don't want a small baby (or wriggly toddler!) being dropped or made to get upset by being manhandled.

MoreAloneTime · 13/08/2021 16:24

I'd go by how my child reacted. They are all different, some need a lot of personal space others don't mind

Deadringer · 13/08/2021 16:27

My dd was very small for her age and a couple of times in playgrounds or similar older children picked her up or attempted to. I intervened and told them she didn't like being picked up (which was true), and that was that. I wasn't annoyed or upset by it, it's something some children seem to do.

CreamCabbages · 13/08/2021 16:28

If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?

No, that would be strange. I don’t understand the relevance here though.

The other child was 6/7.

OaxacaChihuahua · 13/08/2021 16:29

You can’t compare it to an adult picking up your child. She’s a little girl herself, she doesn’t understand boundaries in the same way. But you’re perfectly entitled to stop her as it could be dangerous.

Rannva · 13/08/2021 16:29

You just step in and say "No, don't do that", and you carry on with life. Kids are a bit dumb. You can't let every weird thing they do bother you.

spongedod · 13/08/2021 16:31

She wasn't much taller than your 3 year old but you decided she was 6/7 based on her weight? how does this work now?

WTYF even is a 'stout' child?

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 13/08/2021 16:31

No big deal, children do this, was he happy or unhappy about it, did she hurt him. You can say could you please put him down he’s not keen on being picked up and thank her when she does. I wouldn’t have given it a second though.

Thesearmsofmine · 13/08/2021 16:32

Kids do these things. If you or dc don’t want it to happen you simply say “pop him down please, he doesn’t like to be picked up” and that’s the end of it. Not sure why you would compare a child doing it to an adult doing it.

shouldistop · 13/08/2021 16:32

Wouldn't bother me.

Why are you comparing an adult doing something with a 6 yo anyway? Wee ones often like being babied by the older kids and if they don't they soon make it clear in my experience.

owlbethere · 13/08/2021 16:33

I don’t think there is anything wrong with what she did, but if you’re not comfortable as his mother then you just say ‘please don’t pick him up’.

YouJustDoYou · 13/08/2021 16:33

Kids do these things. There's no malice in it . My mum is very passive aggressive and will loudly say stuff about it, and I'm like, for fucks sake, just nicely say "please don't do xyz".

Peanutsandchilli · 13/08/2021 16:33

I think a lot of children that age are used to carrying younger siblings around, so I certainly wouldn't think anything of it. Not unusual and certainly nothing to be angry about. I'd probably say something just because there's a risk of your child being dropped, or the other child tripping over with the weight of a child they're not used to.

FTEngineerM · 13/08/2021 16:36

This is a new thing I’m having to deal with too.
Older kids seem to love toddlers/babies.
A t/ween girl picked up DS when we were at the park recently and I was just like 😬😬 she was being nice and showing her little brother but I found it hard, I can’t quite put my finger on why but I suppose a total stranger just grabbing your baby and starting to bounce them on their hip was unusual. Especially since we’ve not had much interaction in the last year.

In the end I just looked at DC and said something along the lines of come to mammy now and that was that.

Bimblybomeyelash · 13/08/2021 16:36

It’s a normal way for a child to behave in a playground. My children wouldn’t have liked it though, so I would have ‘rescued’ them and kindly told the child that they didn’t like it. Now my children are older they aren’t the sort to pick up strange babies themselves, but some children are just much more
Extrovert than others.

Sprogonthetyne · 13/08/2021 16:39

An adult picking him up would be weird, but so would a random adult playing with him, or taking a turn on the swing, or doing most of the thing kids do in the park. It was probably ment well in a let's climb this, I'll help you kind of way, but if your DS didn't like it, it's easy enough to ask her not to.

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:44

Well I didn't get angry with her. I said please don't pick him up.

I'm not really comparing to what an adult would do. I wouldn't assume that an adult female wanted to harm him, and I would think he was less likely to be dropped by an adult. I would hope the adult had picked him up to take him out of a dangerous or difficult situation.

This girl just picked him up and... stood there. Not saying anything to him

Like I said I don't know how I felt. She wasn't really playing or talking, just holding him, his back to her.

To the person asking how I assumed she was 6 - she was about 20cms taller than him. Not tall enough that I would think she could comfortably carry him but she was a solid little girl so gained some stability from that. Don't like the word stout, Spongedod? OK the girl was fat. Is that a better description?

OP posts:

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:44

@FTEngineerM

This is a new thing I’m having to deal with too. Older kids seem to love toddlers/babies. A t/ween girl picked up DS when we were at the park recently and I was just like 😬😬 she was being nice and showing her little brother but I found it hard, I can’t quite put my finger on why but I suppose a total stranger just grabbing your baby and starting to bounce them on their hip was unusual. Especially since we’ve not had much interaction in the last year.

In the end I just looked at DC and said something along the lines of come to mammy now and that was that.

Exactly. Couldn't put my finger on it.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 13/08/2021 16:48

If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?

^ that's comparing to an adult, is it not?

TiredButDancing · 13/08/2021 16:50

It's perfectly okay not to like it, but you're reading way too much into it and over analysing/over agonising about it. A 6 year old child has no idea of personal boundaries. So, it's actually not okay, but it's not weird that she didn't know that. This is when you step in and say, please don't pick him up he doesn't like it or some such similar comment and move on.

CakeandGo · 13/08/2021 16:50

A 6 or 7 yr old isn’t much bigger then your 3 yr old? Really? How big is your child? My 6 yr old is significantly bigger then every single 3 yr old we’ve ever met

ParadiseLaundry · 13/08/2021 16:51

I wouldn't mind this personally, I would just see it as the older one playing with and engaging with my little one. As long as my little one was happy with it of course though.

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:52

He's 95cm and she was about 20cm taller.

OP posts:

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