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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child picked up DS

98 replies

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:11

I don't know how I feel about this and just want to know how you would have reacted. It isn't the first time the following has happened.

DS is 3. We were at the park and I was with the pram and the baby. DS went on a slide and was chatting to an older girl who must have been about 6 or 7. She wasn't much taller than him but she was a bit stouter and he doesn't weigh loads so she was able to pick him up.

From behind with one arm around his middle and one sort of between his legs under his knee. It was as though he was a doll.

This has happened before, a young girl picking him up.

Would you be okay with that? My thoughts were that I didn't want her to drop him, start walking with him, but also that he's my little boy, not your doll.

If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?

What do you think? Genuinely interested.

Yabu - it's normal and fine
Yanbu - doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
CakeandGo · 13/08/2021 16:53

Don't like the word stout, Spongedod? OK the girl was fat. Is that a better description?
Wow.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 13/08/2021 16:54

A firm ‘put him down please’

If they don’t ‘put him down NOW’

It’s a grey line with kids that age. She probably has a sibling/cousin that she’s used to playing with like that and her parents haven’t taught her not to do it to strangers.

However it doesn’t trump your son’s right to consent. He didn’t want to be picked up therefore you can remove him every time. If you upset the little girl unfortunately that’s a byproduct of her parents not teaching her boundaries.

Original poster
Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:55

I dunno. What do you want me to say? I was a fat kid and I am still fat. I used the word stout to describe her, but somebody didn't like it. It's relevant because it gave her stability.

OP posts:
lannistunut · 13/08/2021 16:56

I would just say please put him down - I think it is rude and I would have told my kids not to do it, although I can;t imagine them ever doing it!

WandaVision2 · 13/08/2021 16:56

My dd is more than 20cms taller than all her peers.

georgarina · 13/08/2021 16:56

I wouldn't give this a second thought.

If he didn't like it I would tell her to put him down.

That's it really.

icedcoffees · 13/08/2021 16:56

I'm not really comparing to what an adult would do.

Yet in your OP, you say "If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?"

What an adult would do is irrelevant. This little girl is six. She has no real idea about social boundaries.

Original poster
Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:56

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme

A firm ‘put him down please’

If they don’t ‘put him down NOW’

It’s a grey line with kids that age. She probably has a sibling/cousin that she’s used to playing with like that and her parents haven’t taught her not to do it to strangers.

However it doesn’t trump your son’s right to consent. He didn’t want to be picked up therefore you can remove him every time. If you upset the little girl unfortunately that’s a byproduct of her parents not teaching her boundaries.

Thank you, thoughtful and helpful answer.Smile
OP posts:
Bagamoyo1 · 13/08/2021 16:57

@CakeandGo

Don't like the word stout, Spongedod? OK the girl was fat. Is that a better description? Wow.
Why “wow”? Are we meant to pretend that fat kids don’t exist?
MissyB1 · 13/08/2021 16:57

Jeez what a fuss about nowt!

spongedod · 13/08/2021 16:57

To the person asking how I assumed she was 6 - she was about 20cms taller than him.

Your OP said not much taller. 20 cms is completely normal in terms of height difference.

Don't like the word stout, Spongedod? OK the girl was fat. Is that a better description?

I actually objected to you guessing a child's height on their weight, turns out you didn't because 'nit much taller' actually meant '20 cms taller' and you just wanted to mention the child's weight, which is even more evident now you have said this.

How absolutely disgusting of you.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/08/2021 16:58

DS is 8 and I wouldn't let him pick up younger children at the park! YANBU.

spongedod · 13/08/2021 16:58

Guessing a child's AGE not height!!

Eviethyme · 13/08/2021 16:59

My daughter is always being picked up by kids, they think she's cute.

I don't mind as long as they are in my vision and as long as my daughter is happy.

I wouldn't let an adult touch my child but that's because adults can be pedos or bad peoole

Original poster
Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:59

@icedcoffees

I'm not really comparing to what an adult would do.

Yet in your OP, you say "If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?"

What an adult would do is irrelevant. This little girl is six. She has no real idea about social boundaries.

I suppose the reason I'm contradicting myself is because of the differing reasons and potential consequences. I said "...would it?" To question it. Because actually if it was a grown up lady taking him out of danger I probably wouldn't mind. If an adult picked him up there would probably be a reason. Unless it was unsavoury, in which case no it wouldn't be OK.

But agreed that she's not at fault in her own reasoning. Hence I didn't know how I felt about it. Hence the thread.

Regarding the height thing, ok, noted.

OP posts:
SamVimes6 · 13/08/2021 17:01

I’d just tell her to put him down before she or my son was hurt.
I’d certainly not give it enough headspace to start a Mumsnet thread about it!

itsgettingwierd · 13/08/2021 17:01

Does your 3yo talk?

Can't you just teach him it's ok to say "put me down please" firmly and loudly that adults around him hear him say it and can intervene if the child doesn't listen?

Original poster
Kwertie · 13/08/2021 17:01

@spongedod

To the person asking how I assumed she was 6 - she was about 20cms taller than him.

Your OP said not much taller. 20 cms is completely normal in terms of height difference.

Don't like the word stout, Spongedod? OK the girl was fat. Is that a better description?

I actually objected to you guessing a child's height on their weight, turns out you didn't because 'nit much taller' actually meant '20 cms taller' and you just wanted to mention the child's weight, which is even more evident now you have said this.

How absolutely disgusting of you.

Hmm 20cms between children isn't a lot for one to be picking up the other.

Yep, desperate to mention the weight thing (!) Wanna know mine? 14 stone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kwertie · 13/08/2021 17:03

@georgarina

I wouldn't give this a second thought.

If he didn't like it I would tell her to put him down.

That's it really.

I value your calming influence! Smile
OP posts:
Goldbar · 13/08/2021 17:04

Some children do this. Not a big deal. Tell them not to.

I've had to tell my 3yo not to do this before. They were trying to help a teeny tiny girl (maybe 15 months) to go down the slide. The mother smiled nicely at my DC, told them they were very helpful and kind but her DD liked to do it on her own.

AllTheBabies1 · 13/08/2021 17:09

You've said your 3 year old was talking to them, so they would have said if they didn't like it.
There are lots of things 6 year olds do that wouldn't be okay if they were an adult, what a ridiculous thing to say. This and the fat comment makes me question if this is a serious post.
Unless the 3 year old objected and other child wasn't listening I can't see many parents intervening. It's just play. An average 6 year old can carry another child of a similar or smaller size without dropping them for various periods of time. Hardly a big drop if so!

Miniestelle · 13/08/2021 17:11

It's a non event to be honest isn't it? I think the reason you feel uncomfortable is because you are trying to make reasons to feel uncomfortable. It's nothing really is it? There must have been more going on in your day than That? If not the night is young, make the day better and forget it. It's really nothing.

Kanaloa · 13/08/2021 17:12

I mean it’s a very different situation an adult picking up your child and a young girl doing so. She is still small herself and may have thought she was looking after/being nice to him.

At that age I’d stay near him and intervene before older children are picking him up.

Kanaloa · 13/08/2021 17:12

I mean an adult playing on the slide with your toddler would have been weird, so totally different situation altogether.

HelpingJane · 13/08/2021 17:13

By 3 most children can say whether they like something or not.

I would have just called my child is over to me and told them not to let anyone pick them up.

It's normal child behaviour, children and adults are not the same.