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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child picked up DS

98 replies

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:11

I don't know how I feel about this and just want to know how you would have reacted. It isn't the first time the following has happened.

DS is 3. We were at the park and I was with the pram and the baby. DS went on a slide and was chatting to an older girl who must have been about 6 or 7. She wasn't much taller than him but she was a bit stouter and he doesn't weigh loads so she was able to pick him up.

From behind with one arm around his middle and one sort of between his legs under his knee. It was as though he was a doll.

This has happened before, a young girl picking him up.

Would you be okay with that? My thoughts were that I didn't want her to drop him, start walking with him, but also that he's my little boy, not your doll.

If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?

What do you think? Genuinely interested.

Yabu - it's normal and fine
Yanbu - doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:

chalamet · 13/08/2021 18:29

The moral of the story is children do weird shit. They’re not adults and it’s bizarre to compare it to a random adult picking your child up and what their motivation would be, eg taking him out of a dangerous situation. The girl probably thought “I want to pick him up” and did it. She was like 6. You dealt with it fine by saying not to do it.

HelpingJane · 13/08/2021 18:30

Its not right for one child to do that to another and dangerous to boot

I'm really not seeing much danger here If OP's child was a baby then yes, but 3yos are pretty robust. You have to let children explore and learn, that's literally the point of play!

Say " DS of you don't like being picked up then tell the little girl to put you down."

If he hurt himself (and it would be a very minor bump, how tall is this child?!) I'd tell him that maybe he shouldn't let people pick him up in future. Job done.

LemonRoses · 13/08/2021 18:33

Pah, our children were picked up almost daily by other children in the school where we lived. They learned at a young age to say 'Put me down' and mean it. They've survived.

Rannva · 13/08/2021 18:35

So the problem is some fat kid picked up your son? Would you have felt better about it had a willowy beautiful blonde elfin fairy child picked him up instead?

You're the odd one in this scenario.

GameSetMatch · 13/08/2021 18:42

I don’t see a problem but then again my eldest sons friends often pick my DS3 up and carry him around, he loves the attention and finds it fun so I wouldn’t be bothered.

Itsmeagainandagain · 13/08/2021 19:05

When i was in primary school p1 to be exact, alot of the older girls used to pick me up for a swing...
Just saying its been happening years older girls picking up smaller kids..

Itsmeagainandagain · 13/08/2021 19:11

@Rannva

So the problem is some fat kid picked up your son? Would you have felt better about it had a willowy beautiful blonde elfin fairy child picked him up instead?

You're the odd one in this scenario.

Yeah bad crack mentioning the kids weight.

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 19:11

@Antinerak

What even is this thread? Your child played with another child and you're essentially comparing the older child to a pedophile/child abuser. Wobble your head and teach your kid to say no to things they don't like.

You're talking nonsense.

OP posts:

DroopyClematis · 13/08/2021 19:12

I've been a TA for nearly 20 years , in KS1.

Just wanted to let you know that barely a day goes by when a a taller, larger child ( when lining up for playtime/ lunchtime/during playtime will always try to pick up a smaller or almost equally sized child.

They just do.

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 19:13

@Rannva

So the problem is some fat kid picked up your son? Would you have felt better about it had a willowy beautiful blonde elfin fairy child picked him up instead?

You're the odd one in this scenario.

No because she would definitely have dropped him.

😤

OP posts:

spongedod · 13/08/2021 19:16

Of course. Fat children are stronger than thin children

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 19:17

@LowlandLucky

What is the problem ? What are you going to do when your child goes to school ?

Hmm I didn't say there was a problem. I asked for people's thoughts.

What am I going to do? Well I'll hope the duty teacher discourages this kind if thing because it can result in injury which causes a whole heap of headache for the school. I was a teacher for 10 years.

But besides that, he'll know the other kids at school. This was a girl he'd never met.

OP posts:

crazyguineapiglady · 13/08/2021 19:17

Normal and fine, but if it looked unsafe or smaller child didn’t like it I’d step in and say “pop him down please lovely”.

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 19:18

@spongedod

Of course. Fat children are stronger than thin children

Well I initially said she was stout. You didn't like that so I asked you if you preferred the word fat.

Up to you.

OP posts:

Deadringer · 13/08/2021 19:20

This place just gets stranger and stranger

spongedod · 13/08/2021 19:22

Well I initially said she was stout. You didn't like that so I asked you if you preferred the word fat.

The word is irrelevant. That's not the point I'm making and you know it.

Up to you.

NumberTheory · 13/08/2021 19:23

@TiredButDancing

It's perfectly okay not to like it, but you're reading way too much into it and over analysing/over agonising about it. A 6 year old child has no idea of personal boundaries. So, it's actually not okay, but it's not weird that she didn't know that. This is when you step in and say, please don't pick him up he doesn't like it or some such similar comment and move on.

^^ This

Original poster

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 19:26

@spongedod

Well I initially said she was stout. You didn't like that so I asked you if you preferred the word fat.

The word is irrelevant. That's not the point I'm making and you know it.

Up to you.

Sigh.

Goodbye.

OP posts:

miltonj · 13/08/2021 19:27

Just kids playing. If he didn't like it, that's when you step in. You can't compare kids and adults.... they lick the floor and eat crayons... would be pretty strange if adults did that too.

CorianderBee · 13/08/2021 20:15

It's pretty normal. I'm the youngest of 14 cousins, all but two girls, and there are many family videos of me suddenly being picked up like I'm a baby doll. Wound me up no end but very normal. Kids copy mummy and mummy picks up babies.

Meatshake · 13/08/2021 20:23

Had this with my eldest, she had particularly doll like features when she was 2-3, all big eyes and curly hair and kids 6, 7 8ish loved to pick her up. I taught her to use her big girl voice to shout PUT ME DOWN! which worked quite well.

Looubylou · 13/08/2021 22:23

My son is 10, and a lot smaller than most of his friends, who are unusually tall. It's still happening to him - I've never intervened, there's no bullying as they are all lovely kids, Infact some are quite protective. He knows not to allow anyone to do anything that upsets him, or makes him uncomfortable.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 13/08/2021 22:37

Yeah kids are weird, I have 4 boys ranging from 26 down to 8 and it's happened with all of them at one point or another.

When they were little it was older girls trying to pick them up, they all learnt to say put me down pretty quickly, except d's 2 who protested being picked up by using his teeth a few times 😏

Then when they get older and at school it was picking other kids the same age as them up to see who was strongest. They do seem to grow out of it at some point though

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