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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child picked up DS

98 replies

Kwertie · 13/08/2021 16:11

I don't know how I feel about this and just want to know how you would have reacted. It isn't the first time the following has happened.

DS is 3. We were at the park and I was with the pram and the baby. DS went on a slide and was chatting to an older girl who must have been about 6 or 7. She wasn't much taller than him but she was a bit stouter and he doesn't weigh loads so she was able to pick him up.

From behind with one arm around his middle and one sort of between his legs under his knee. It was as though he was a doll.

This has happened before, a young girl picking him up.

Would you be okay with that? My thoughts were that I didn't want her to drop him, start walking with him, but also that he's my little boy, not your doll.

If she were an adult it wouldn't be OK... would it?

What do you think? Genuinely interested.

Yabu - it's normal and fine
Yanbu - doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:

Goldbar · 13/08/2021 17:14

An average 6 year old can carry another child of a similar or smaller size without dropping them for various periods of time.

Kids go through a stage of trying to carry each other, don't they? I wouldn't encourage it when little ones are involved but the older ones think it's hilarious.

GintyMcGinty · 13/08/2021 17:18

Its quite normal behaviour for children to do this.

However its not really a good idea. The older child could hurt their backs or drop the younger child.

Simply ask the older child, nicely, not to do it.

An adult doing this would not be ok and is a completely different and incomparable situation.

TheGumption · 13/08/2021 17:20

Not a big deal at all. I'd have just said "put him down, thank you!" in a firm but friendly way.

olidora63 · 13/08/2021 17:21

Typical child behaviour…older child wants to play and children are attracted to smaller children. I personally wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

Notaroadrunner · 13/08/2021 17:23

I'd tell them straight away to put his down. If they dropped him you'd be left dealing with the drama. There's no need for anyone to pick up your Ds so dont allow it if you don't feel comfortable with it.

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 13/08/2021 17:30

Has happened to my DD3 quite a lot since she was old enough to walk compared to my older two whenever we go to places with other children, she’s nearly 4 and more the size of an average 2 year old now and only in age two clothes, she’s very friendly and always smiling and talking to other children a very happy social child is why I think it may happen more to her than it ever did with my older two.
The same as you have said it’s mostly not to try and help her in anyway but just because they wanted to pick her up and cuddle her like a doll, DD3 does not like it and never has, it actually has upset her to the point of tears sometimes when she asks and wiggles to be put down and they don’t always listen to her,
As she has two older sisters she likes not to be seen as a baby but a big girl and the fact it’s a stranger to her picking her up and won’t put her down it has even ruined a certain day out for her and left her not liking the girl that day because she would not listen to me or DD and stop picking her up it left DD3 in tears and not wanted to go back and play in the park but sit by me upset.
I always politely ask them not to pick her up when I see them doing it they mostly listen but there are a few who will repeat it numerous times even after asking numerous times myself not too, i go and play with them then and keep hold of my DDs hand and that always puts a stop to it.

moynomore · 13/08/2021 17:33

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. And not comparable to an adult doing it to another adult!

Flobbertybillop · 13/08/2021 17:34

I work in a school, kids do this to each other every day.

CallMeNutribullet · 13/08/2021 17:39

When your child is six you'll realise they're still just babies really. She was behaving in a very typical way for a six year old and you're being a bit ridiculous over it

ViceLikeBlip · 13/08/2021 17:46

Medium-aged kids are OBSESSED with picking up little kids. I wouldn't be cross about it, but I always intervene and just say kindly but firmly "he's too heavy for you, you need to put him down before one of you gets hurt" because they very often do end up dropping the little one 🤦‍♀️

AnneFuckingKirrin · 13/08/2021 17:48

It seems pretty normal from what I remember.
It’s fine that you asked her to put him down it’s not the end of the world that she picked him up.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/08/2021 17:48

@CallMeNutribullet

When your child is six you'll realise they're still just babies really. She was behaving in a very typical way for a six year old and you're being a bit ridiculous over it

Her parents should be telling her not to pick up young children. I wouldn't let DS do that and I'd intervene if he did it in a park. I don't think OP is being ridiculous.

MadeOfStarStuff · 13/08/2021 17:49

It’s something kids do, especially if they have small siblings or cousins

Absolutely ask her nicely not to pick up your child but YABU to judge her as if she was a random adult picking up your child. She’s a little girl trying to play that’s all

AnneFuckingKirrin · 13/08/2021 17:49

@ViceLikeBlip

Yes, I am pretty sure my dc got dropped a couple of times.

sofiegiraffe · 13/08/2021 17:57

Yanbu. I wouldn't like this either. I wouldn't be annoyed as she's just a child, but I'd quite firmly tell her to put him down.

m0therofdragons · 13/08/2021 17:58

My dc are august babies and the youngest quite dinky so all through reception and year one another dc kept picking her up and mummying her. She was more than a foot taller although only 6 months older. It didn’t bother me until dd got upset but she told the teacher on lunch duty (who helpfully happened to be the tall dc mum). She stopped it and let me know what had happened. She was concerned as it was on the hard school playground and the fact dd hadn’t given permission.

In a public playground I’d take dc lead.

Camomila · 13/08/2021 17:59

Unless they were on top of some equipment or my DC minded I wouldn't mind this.

AlmostSummer21 · 13/08/2021 18:07

@Goldbar

Some children do this. Not a big deal. Tell them not to.

I've had to tell my 3yo not to do this before. They were trying to help a teeny tiny girl (maybe 15 months) to go down the slide. The mother smiled nicely at my DC, told them they were very helpful and kind but her DD liked to do it on her own.

Thank the actual fuck there are still some normal people are eh!

I despair, I really do.

PeterCorbeau · 13/08/2021 18:08

I'm not sure I'd be that bothered. DD is 2.5 and would be able to express her displeasure herself There's a little girl at one of the classes we go to who is always trying to pick up the babies and you do have to be a little firm with her when they're small, but at 3, I would just observe and step in if they seemed distressed or were saying they weren't happy.

Porcupineintherough · 13/08/2021 18:15

Did your ds mind? I'd look at it as 2 children interacting and only interfere if it looked downright dangerous. As he gets older he will have lots if interaction with others that arent mediated by you, best get used to it.

Crowtooyo · 13/08/2021 18:16

At 3, your child is presumably (but not definitely!) In some sort of childcare setting like a pre school. Stuff like this will be happening all the time. Your child is 3, and will be at school before long. You won't be there for every play time. He'll soon make it known if he isn't happy with it!

irregularegular · 13/08/2021 18:19

It's a perfectly normal thing for a small child to do. If it looked dangerous or DS was unhappy, then I'd ask her not to (in a nice, friendly way).

All perfectly normal and not worth giving any thought. I find your comments about it "not sitting right" etc quite hard to understand.

godmum56 · 13/08/2021 18:20

yanbu. Its not right for one child to do that to another and dangerous to boot....but I would have treated it gently

Antinerak · 13/08/2021 18:22

What even is this thread? Your child played with another child and you're essentially comparing the older child to a pedophile/child abuser. Wobble your head and teach your kid to say no to things they don't like.

LowlandLucky · 13/08/2021 18:23

What is the problem ? What are you going to do when your child goes to school ?

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