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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to use my neighbour's washing machine?

148 replies

kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 15:11

My NDN and I get on well and have had keys to each other's homes for years. I used to regularly look after her cat (now sadly gone to the great cattery in the catosphere) so was in and out while she wasn't at home. When she was having noisy building work done a couple of years ago she'd escape to my place during the day when I was out at work. If I've ever wanted to borrow something and she hasn't been around I've phoned her and she's said 'There's no need to ask, just let yourself in.' I say the same thing to her.

My washing machine died on Wednesday and I have guests coming to stay tomorrow. I thought I'd found a local company who could replace the machine today but that hasn't worked out. I need to do a couple of loads of washing.

I haven't seen NDN for a day or two and she's not responding to calls or texts. The neighbours across the street think she's on holiday for a few days — possibly abroad.

AIBU to nip in a do a couple of loads of washing? I will leave a bottle of wine and a note and make sure I use my own power etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 17:54

We're not friends. I would know where a friend was.

We're good neighbours on a similar wavelength who help each other out and trust each other.

OP posts:
irregularegular · 13/08/2021 17:57

Normally I'd say no. But given she's said in the past "no need to ask, just let yourself in" then I think it's fine.

Samafe · 13/08/2021 17:57

Generally speaking I would say YABU, but based on the way you describe your relationship, I think it will be fine.
Maybe buy her a small gift as thank you.

But I would really check if she is doing ok, since she is not answering calls.

stayathomer · 13/08/2021 17:58

It's something that it would never occur to me to think about were it not for MN!
But you asked on mn op, why would you do that? And the examples are different because it looks like your neighbour has gone away and without asking you are looking to use something in her house. The examples you gave you would have okayed it for her to be in your house. Hopefully she gets back to you and you get sorted though

Original poster
kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 17:58

@Lily78123

Do you not have any laundry service nearby that you could use?
Around here there's no number to call and someone comes round in a van, collects the dirty towels and sheets and pillowcases and brings them back tomorrow morning, no. But if you have a service like that I'd love to know.

Actually I'm due to call in on friend's mum in a local sheltered housing complex (the friend is away and when she's not around I and a couple of other people go to visit) so I can probably use their laundry facilities while I'm there, if they don't lock them up after 7pm...

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/08/2021 17:59

@kumquat365

We're not friends. I would know where a friend was.

We're good neighbours on a similar wavelength who help each other out and trust each other.

But she didn't tell you she was going on holiday? That's what I don't get. And why is she not replying to your messages?
Viviennemary · 13/08/2021 17:59

That would be incredibly cheeky. Its a no from me.

TerribleZebra · 13/08/2021 18:02

You aren't friendly enough to know she's on holiday so I wouldn't. I had to ask my neighbours for my key back because one of them completely overstepped boundaries like this. Would use my garden with the kids, helped herself to tools from the garage and went through the kitchen to borrow tonic water. She then commented on the state of the garage and stuff in my fridge. I found it a gross invasion of my privacy. She's lovely but has no concept of boundaries and so no longer has my key.

Kanaloa · 13/08/2021 18:04

No I wouldn’t find this acceptable. It’s different if it was family or if she’d responded to your message but I’d be a bit put out to discover a neighbour who had been given a key to feed my cats had them let themselves in to do their laundry.

Shame you couldn’t have organised in advance to go to the launderette, this is what I’ve had to do when I’ve had a broken machine.

Original poster
kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 18:04

I have no idea why she's not responding to my messages. Maybe she's in a lovely cottage in the middle of nowhere without a signal. Maybe she's gone abroad for a few days and turned her phone off to avoid roaming charges. Maybe she's having a fantastic romantic few days with someone and doesn't want to be disturbed. Maybe she's lost or damaged her phone. I'm from a generation when people didn't feel obliged to tell everyone where they were and what they were doing all the time.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 13/08/2021 18:05

Ps another option is to tell your visitors, it gives you an extra half a day to find somewhere to wash everything

stayathomer · 13/08/2021 18:08

Shame you couldn’t have organised in advance to go to the launderette, this is what I’ve had to do when I’ve had a broken machine.
It only happened Wednesday-it's only friday and op's machine was meant to come today and she's trying to get ready for visitors. Sheets wouldn't be the first thing that came to mind if it were me

Sparklingbrook · 13/08/2021 18:10

@kumquat365

I have no idea why she's not responding to my messages. Maybe she's in a lovely cottage in the middle of nowhere without a signal. Maybe she's gone abroad for a few days and turned her phone off to avoid roaming charges. Maybe she's having a fantastic romantic few days with someone and doesn't want to be disturbed. Maybe she's lost or damaged her phone. I'm from a generation when people didn't feel obliged to tell everyone where they were and what they were doing all the time.
You sound quite defensive about it.

It's not a case of 'all the time' if it's a holiday. But you don't even know if that's where she is. She could walk through the door as you are sitting in her house waiting for the washing machine to finish. Or the person she's asked to keep an eye on the house could appear.

Kanaloa · 13/08/2021 18:12

I don’t think people need to tell everyone where they are and what they’re doing… but when where you are is their house and what you’re doing is your laundry I’d want to know that.

TerribleZebra · 13/08/2021 18:15

Maybe she's not answering because she's fed up of you overstepping boundaries but she doesn't want to engage with you because she's away and trying to have a nice time.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 13/08/2021 18:25

I get it OP - my neighbours are like yours. Helpful, friendly, the odd glass of wine over the fence a couple of times each summer. Happy to take parcels, have ‘house sat’ for them when they had to go out and were expecting a tradesperson etc. They would absolutely let me use their machine in an ‘emergency’

No idea if they’ve been on holiday this year 🤷🏻‍♀️

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 18:27

Or the person she's asked to keep an eye on the house could appear. this is true. And they might punch you or something.

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 18:29

@Gwenhwyfar

" I don’t like thought of other peoples clothes being washed in my machine. "

I can understand not wanting people going in when you're not there, but there's a problem with their clothes being in your machine. Do you think they could contaminate you or something?

I'm the same. I can't wash my step kids clothes with mine as they have dogs at mums and I hate dog hair. Also I use non bio they need bio on their school uniform.

I never wash pants with teatowels as that seems wrong.

Original poster
kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 18:50

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

I get it OP - my neighbours are like yours. Helpful, friendly, the odd glass of wine over the fence a couple of times each summer. Happy to take parcels, have ‘house sat’ for them when they had to go out and were expecting a tradesperson etc. They would absolutely let me use their machine in an ‘emergency’

No idea if they’ve been on holiday this year 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cheers, YellowandGreenToBeSeen! Yes, just that. Friendly but not nosy.

I'm just about on my way to see a friend's mum who's in a sheltered housing set-up and will do my laundry there if possible. I've got my iPad with me so she can FaceTime the grandchildren and then we can have a best-of-five gin rummy competition.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/08/2021 18:53

I think it's right that 'emergency' is in inverted commas @YellowandGreenToBeSeen because I would never describe wanting to put a wash on but not being able to as one. Grin

vegas888 · 13/08/2021 19:04

I’m surprised if you’re that friendly with each other than she didn’t tell you she was away for a few days.

spooney21 · 13/08/2021 19:13

I wouldn't in a million years without asking first. Not even with a good friend. Family yes, but how embarrassing if they walked in. I think if you were close enough to share washing machines you would've known she was going away.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 13/08/2021 19:16

You should know whether it feels ok or not in the context of your relationship

Duchess379 · 13/08/2021 19:20

I'd be fine with this, if you're using your own powder & conditioner. Bottle of drink is a suitable thank you 👍🏼🍷

ThinWomansBrain · 13/08/2021 19:25

you know her, and your relationship with her better than we do...
Is there another neighbour that you know well that you could ask a favour of, and use their machine instead?

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