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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to use my neighbour's washing machine?

148 replies

kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 15:11

My NDN and I get on well and have had keys to each other's homes for years. I used to regularly look after her cat (now sadly gone to the great cattery in the catosphere) so was in and out while she wasn't at home. When she was having noisy building work done a couple of years ago she'd escape to my place during the day when I was out at work. If I've ever wanted to borrow something and she hasn't been around I've phoned her and she's said 'There's no need to ask, just let yourself in.' I say the same thing to her.

My washing machine died on Wednesday and I have guests coming to stay tomorrow. I thought I'd found a local company who could replace the machine today but that hasn't worked out. I need to do a couple of loads of washing.

I haven't seen NDN for a day or two and she's not responding to calls or texts. The neighbours across the street think she's on holiday for a few days — possibly abroad.

AIBU to nip in a do a couple of loads of washing? I will leave a bottle of wine and a note and make sure I use my own power etc.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2021 16:46

"To save the awkwardness of asking for the keys back, I'd change the locks."

More money than sense obviously!

MaMelon · 13/08/2021 16:46

It sounds like you have the same relationship that I have with my NDN/friend. I'd be mortified if I thought she'd taken 2 loads worth of washing to the launderette while my machine was sitting empty - wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/08/2021 16:47

I wouldn’t like this myself. I don’t like thought of other peoples clothes being washed in my machine. Even very close friends that I’d happily let borrow things from me or give keys to feed my cats. It just seems a step too far over my boundaries.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2021 16:47

@morningteaisthebest

I'm amazed by everyone who says this would be fine. But then I'd never leave a key with a neighbour for any reason so clearly don't understand the dynamic to begin with!

Someone local should have a spare key in case there's a problem when you're away (a leak for example).

Maydaybankholiday · 13/08/2021 16:49

@UserStillatLarge

It's odd that you have the sort of relationship to think it's ok just to pop in and use her stuff, but not one that means she's mentioned that she's going away ...

This!!

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2021 16:49

" I don’t like thought of other peoples clothes being washed in my machine. "

I can understand not wanting people going in when you're not there, but there's a problem with their clothes being in your machine. Do you think they could contaminate you or something?

Blossomtoes · 13/08/2021 16:50

@Gwenhwyfar

" I don’t like thought of other peoples clothes being washed in my machine. "

I can understand not wanting people going in when you're not there, but there's a problem with their clothes being in your machine. Do you think they could contaminate you or something?

It’s MN. Some of the stuff here is beyond weird.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/08/2021 16:54

@Gwenhwyfar

" I don’t like thought of other peoples clothes being washed in my machine. "

I can understand not wanting people going in when you're not there, but there's a problem with their clothes being in your machine. Do you think they could contaminate you or something?

Yes I have various allergies to bio washing powder/liquid. Perfumes. Any fabric softener. So literally someone else using my machine could contaminate it with residue if they use a washing product I am allergic to.

Gladioli23 · 13/08/2021 16:59

Given previous "no need to ask just go ahead" discussions about other things I would go with the sending a text before saying you're planning to and then doing so.

I totally agree with all the posters who think it would be mad to go to a launderette. But then I have had my neighbour need to come over and use the loo/shower while they were having their bathroom done and ask to store things in my fridge before a party as they didn't have the space so we are all quite relaxed!

JustLyra · 13/08/2021 17:06

If you're that close and it's unusual for her not to respond then surely a bigger priority is popping round to make sure she's not ill or injured?

UtopiaPlanitia · 13/08/2021 17:15

I agree with PlanDeRaccordement that I would not like anyone else to use my washing machine because I have skin allergies and can only use a restricted list of skin care, cleaning and laundry products. If someone used laundry products with perfumes or optical brighteners in my machine it would leave me unable to use it until I’d cleaned it and run a few empty washes to get rid of product and perfume residue - that stuff hangs around in a machine for ages, especially laundry product perfume.

OP I would wait to see if your neighbour gives you the okay to use the machine 👍

Nicolastar78 · 13/08/2021 17:21

Me and my cousin hold each others house key and we all had one to our grans house .... But neither me or my cousin would enter each others house unless we had confirmed it's ok simply because not everyone leaves their house ready for visitors, something could have been left out that we don't want seeing or you could walk in in the middle of something,,, and I guess i would feel I had been snooped on.... And then I'd be thinking how many more times have they come in without me knowing, what else could they have been up too...

Sparklingbrook · 13/08/2021 17:24

I wouldn't. I have keys to a few neighbour's houses but unless they were expecting me to go in it's not really on. Even if you have a good relationship with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2021 17:31

I agree with the welfare check thing. If you’re that close it’s odd she hasn’t answered your texts. Then you can decide about the washing from there. Seeing as she’s given you permission to go in whenever, I wouldn’t imagine she’d mind. But it is very odd she’s said nothing to you about going away as you’re obviously friends and you’d be the person she’d expect to keep an eye on the house, surely?

stripedbananas · 13/08/2021 17:32

She sounds like someone who wouldn't mind at all.

She'll probably be upset that you didn't use the washing machine

stayathomer · 13/08/2021 17:32

No, sorry, I'd hate someone in my house without my knowledge no matter how close we were. Why can't you use a laundrette?

BananaPie · 13/08/2021 17:34

I wouldn’t. What if the washing machine has some sort of quirk that you don’t know about and you end up breaking it / flooding the house!

Original poster

kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 17:35

I've texted to ask her if she's okay and to say that I will, unless I hear from her, nip in and do a wash this evening. I'll take a quick look and if the place is in a dreadful state that she wouldn't want me to see I won't go any further. But it won't be. She's very organised. None of the messages are showing up as having been read.

It's not unusual for us to go a week or more without seeing or contacting each other. The houses are detached and she's back working out of an office set up so not around much of the time. I was away for a long weekend last weekend and didn't get back till Tuesday. We keep an eye out for each other but respect each other's privacy. I think she has someone new in her life after a couple of years on her own, but she'll tell me if and when she wants me to know.

I suppose something bad might have happened but the chap across the way seemed to think she said something about going away for a few days when he saw her packing up her car. I would perhaps have gone upstairs just to check that she's not dead in bed — but after all the hoo-ha on here I won't. Hell, I might get caught short and use the loo. (And how did you know the loo had been used? Do you number each sheet of loo paper?)

The nearest launderette is a 30-minute drive away in a not very salubrious area. There are a couple of other people nearby I could ask but I suspect the price will be an hour or two listening to gossip and I have cleaning and other preparations to do before my guests arrive tomorrow.

OP posts:

MadeForThis · 13/08/2021 17:35

Sounds fine to me.

Northernsoullover · 13/08/2021 17:40

Omg I can't believe people are telling you to do this. It's so fucking cheeky. What if the machine broke (as they can do) with your smalls in it? I'd find a launderette. The big machines would probably do the equivalent of 3 loads in 45 minutes. Seriously don't do this.

Original poster

kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 17:40

But then I have had my neighbour need to come over and use the loo/shower while they were having their bathroom done and ask to store things in my fridge before a party as they didn't have the space so we are all quite relaxed!

Yes, this is the kind of relaxed relationship we have too. For her 40th birthday a few years ago I had all the overflow food and drink in my kitchen and she did her washing in my machine when she had the builders ripping up stuff in her kitchen. I'm sure she used the loo too while she was escaping from them. It's something that it would never occur to me to think about were it not for MN!

OP posts:

Original poster

kumquat365 · 13/08/2021 17:42

@Northernsoullover

We'd both handle it like the grown-ups we are.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 13/08/2021 17:43

It's a bit strange that even though you have a really good relationship and each other's phone numbers she didn't tell you she was going away, and she's not replying to your messages.
Your latest text is basically telling her you're going to use her machine without her permission.
It just doesn't seem right to me.

cookiecreampie · 13/08/2021 17:48

No I wouldn't do this. Even if as you say you're the closest of friends, I think it's really cheeky and something you just don't do.

Lily78123 · 13/08/2021 17:50

Do you not have any laundry service nearby that you could use?

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