NC as too scared to post under my regular username in AIBU but have been around a while.
I plan on getting married next year and have a real dilemma regarding who to have as my bridesmaids, complicated by the fact that when I got engaged three years ago I already asked people. The wedding was delayed twice in early planning stages due to covid and since then I have badly fallen out with my sister. She has said horrible things to and about me and we haven been very low contact since the start of Lockdown 1 (so some 18 months). Despite living close we don't speak bar a few civilities at parents' birthdays, christmas and the like. She has form for making everything about her and putting me down - I just really don't want her to be there while I get ready and I don't want her to have a big part to play. She will be invited, however. The problem is she will still fully expect to be part of the wedding party, and my parents and brother will be furious and think I am being a total dick if I cut her from the bridesmaid list, and I don't want the drama. Brother and Father in particular always take her side.
Original plan was to have four (bear with me, details relevant):
Friend A (best friend, has two DDs aged 3 and 5)
Friend B (childhood friend, one DD aged 4)
Sister (no DC)
Friend C (no DC, has moved abroad so would come only for wedding itself)
I officially asked Friends A, Friend B and Sister to be bridesmaids 3 years ago. Once drunkenly told Friend C she would be one when I got married, but it was before getting engaged and so hypothetical. Here is how I see my options:
Option 1
Have all 4 - suck up that I don't want sister as part of it, avoid all drama. (would maybe be a bit strange as to avoid having to cancel if restrictions come back we have a small wedding - this would be all the women my age!)
Option 2
Have Friend A and Friend B, on basis that they are my closest friends. Accept the drama and upset to family, although it might ruin the day. Perhaps slightly offend friend C (I would explain reasoning to her and she would understand)
Option 3
No bridesmaids. Declare I am too old for it and wedding is small anyway. Have Friend A and Friend B's kids as bridesmaids / ushers / ring bearer (alongside my own 2 DC). Have Friend A be a witness, Friend B do a reading. (Is it too far to buy them bridesmaid dresses to match their DDs??) Perhaps disappoint friend A and B who are looking forward to being bridesmaids, upset family a bit but not as much since not singling sister out.
Option 4
Have friend A, B and C, not sister (I don't think this is a real option - as I said, she would be the only woman of our age not included, too harsh and too much drama).
As I only have two voting options let's say:
YABU - Yes of course you have to suck it up and have sister, you asked her and you can't go back on it. Plus avoids all the drama. Go for option 1.
YANBU - it's fine to not have sister be a bridesmaid since you are very low contact (would love to hear if you think option 2 or 3 is best - or perhaps another suggestion!)
I know I sound really spoilt and this is a non-problem in the grand scheme of things but I really just want to decide and move on.