AIBU to be asked to reframe my trauma by the trans CEO of Scottish Rape Crisis?

[herewegogc]

The CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis has said "Sexual violence happens to bigoted people too. But if you bring beliefs that are discriminatory, expect to be challenged on your prejudice. Reframe your trauma"

Apparently, survivors are to be "educated" in this service.

forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Tonight is a really tough one. Women who have been raped or sexually assaulted need females to listen to them. Rape Crisis was that service and used to offer trauma based therapy.

I don't need educating - I know that detailing my experience to a man, or a transwomen is NEVER something I will do.

This is too much.

With all my kindness and respect, I believe this post from Mridul Wadhwa is greatly misinterpreted. Some rape survivors I have worked with have indeed had a bigoted idea of rape victims and rapists, (short skirt, too drunk, but he is so nice etc.) usually constructed by media or their personal surroundings and that stops them from identifying as having been raped. That needs to be corrected because everybody can be raped.

Welcome to Nicola Sturgeon’s Scotland, 2021. It’s absolutely hideous and depressing.

You're right, on this particular thread nobody has expressly said that all transwomen have nefarious purposes. But it's a pretty common theme on the Sex and Gender board

In a decade on there I've never seen that view expressed. It gets a few bigoted posters but they get deleted. I've reported and had deleted people for much less bigoted statements than that.

I think the view you are (deliberately?) mis-stating is that a large number of the men who claim to be trans, while getting themselves in positions of power over the vulnerable normally reserved for women, are likely to be predators.

The Samaritans had pretty good but imperfect safeguarding and yet a number of men in recent years have volunteered just so they could find vulnerable women to sleep with. Can you imagine the hassle and risk involved in that?

Sexual predators are highly motivated and willing to take risks to achieve their aims.

@Falcor

I don’t think that’s what they were getting at. They were suggesting it’s bigoted not to want a trans person as your rape counsellor. I honestly don’t think they’ve even thought about rape victims enough to come to that conclusion.

@Falcor

With all my kindness and respect, I believe this post from Mridul Wadhwa is greatly misinterpreted. Some rape survivors I have worked with have indeed had a bigoted idea of rape victims and rapists, (short skirt, too drunk, but he is so nice etc.) usually constructed by media or their personal surroundings and that stops them from identifying as having been raped. That needs to be corrected because everybody can be raped.

You have totally missed the point.

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea

That a supposed CEO of a rape crisis centre doesn't realise just how much more trauma it can cause to have to relive your experience in front of a man - any man - says everything. I had to do it because I had to give details of how serious my DA was. I had my (female) IDVA sitting next to me, the man was behind a perspex screen. But I walked away from that DA charity & their support because I just couldn't put myself through that type of interview again.

To be absolutely clear, it wasn't the fault of the charity. But I was deeply traumatised already, and they couldn't protect me. I lost all trust in everyone from that moment.

I am not a bigot or a transphobe if I say I don't feel comfortable being around men. And I am definitely not a bigot or a transphobe if I say that someone with no lived experience of being a woman does not get to dictate to women how to react when they feel uncomfortable. It's almost a very male reaction to women, isn't it?

I am so very sorry that you had that experience. Your response is completely rational, understandable, and indeed well known. Karen Ingala Smith wrote about it and presented to Parliament on the issue, in fact.

I don't know if you've read it (and I appreciate it may be too painful for you to read, as it discusses trauma responses in women subjected to male violence) but in case you have reached a point where you can contend with that, and it is comforting to know that you are absolutely justified in that response, here is her piece.

kareningalasmith.com/2020/07/08/trauma-informed-services-for-women-subjected-to-mens-violence-must-be-single-sex-services/

(For anyone unaware: Karen Ingala Smith was banned from the Labour Party for writing this.)

How any woman can read something such as this, and not stand with the needs and best interests of survivors, I don't pretend to know.

I hope this thread stays in AIBU. As many people as possible need to see this.

Given that this was said on an extremely popular podcast which is widely available to the public it would be astonishing if this were moved. Thoughts shared on public forums by CEOs absolutely should be open to scrutiny.

@Falcor

With all my kindness and respect, I believe this post from Mridul Wadhwa is greatly misinterpreted. Some rape survivors I have worked with have indeed had a bigoted idea of rape victims and rapists, (short skirt, too drunk, but he is so nice etc.) usually constructed by media or their personal surroundings and that stops them from identifying as having been raped. That needs to be corrected because everybody can be raped.

Bless you. I envy your obliviousness to what is really going on here. Because once you see it, the anger and sense of injustice are beyond measure.

I'm really just place marking because I can't face thinking about this shite any more today.

It's fucking disgustingly obscene.

Maybe tomorrow.

Why does a man want to do this job?

Men cannot know what it feels like to be penetrated foricly and against my wishes. It is not possible because they do not have a vagina.
I don't care how empathic they might be. to me it does matter,

@Falcor

With all my kindness and respect, I believe this post from Mridul Wadhwa is greatly misinterpreted. Some rape survivors I have worked with have indeed had a bigoted idea of rape victims and rapists, (short skirt, too drunk, but he is so nice etc.) usually constructed by media or their personal surroundings and that stops them from identifying as having been raped. That needs to be corrected because everybody can be raped.

What?!

What response has there been in the Scottish media to this person’s repulsive comments about rape victims having to “reframe their trauma”?? I’d be really interested to know.

Horrifying.

For once I hope the tabloids pick up on this thread.

With all my kindness and respect, I believe this post from Mridul Wadhwa is greatly misinterpreted. Some rape survivors I have worked with have indeed had a bigoted idea of rape victims and rapists, (short skirt, too drunk, but he is so nice etc.) usually constructed by media or their personal surroundings and that stops them from identifying as having been raped.

@Falcor That's not at all what MW was referring to, I assume you didn't listen to the podcast?

Immediately before the quote in the OP they are talking about trans women as councellors. MW says:

I think it's important that there's a group of women that I'm really interested in, who are affected by this debate. And I say debate very generously because I don't believe it is. Debate is when there's equality of voices and respect. But this is about who has power and who doesn't.

But there are a group of survivors who will be watching and seeing what is being played out about spaces that they're potentially going to use. And be informed or misinformed about what actually happens here and be, possibly be fearful. And I think if you're worried about these things, about inclusion and what trans inclusion means within women's organisations, and if your local women's organisation or Rape Crisis Centre or Women’s Aid is openly trans inclusive, and you just don't understand, reach out to them and ask those questions.

She's clearly talking, in the whole secion, about the politics of trans women acessing women's spaces and how to deal with rape victims who don't have the 'right' beliefs.

The whole transcript is here:

forwomen.scot/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Mridul-Wadhwa-Guilty-Feminist-transcript.pdf

It's just after the bit where MW says she's the Goddess Kali.

This ceo has misunderstood what reframe your trauma means in therapy.

Do they have a therapeutic background?

The purpose of reframing your trauma is to enable you to look at what happened to you without a damaging internal dialogue.

I work with dc who have been sexually abused and they often feel responsible. So often for them reframing means working through exercises that show that they weren't the adult in the room and aren't to blame.

Reframing trauma is solely for the benefit of the traumatized person it is nothing to do with the therapist challenging views they don't like.

Yanbu. How on earth is this considered acceptable?

@gimmenachos if a counsellor feels uncomfortable working with someone who shares bigoted views, should they be obliged to carry on?

Yes, that is in fact exactly part of a counsellor's ethical duty. In the same way that it's unethical for doctors (unless in very special circumstances) to refuse care to someone whose views they don't like, counsellors and therapists have a professional duty NOT to "re-educate" a client's political opinions they take issue with, however bigoted they find them personally. Therapy and counselling works to very specific standards of care, and it's deeply unprofessional to put political conditions on receiving care, or to make part of the therapy a session on correcting someone's political views.

This CEO betrays a deep ignorance of the professional ethics of counselling and medical care aside from everything else objectionable about these comments which fact alone should make them unsuitable for the job of directing an organisation which explicitly provides counselling and advice for physical and psychological trauma. It's like being CEO of Battersea Dogs' Home and having no idea how many legs a dog has.

It's just after the bit where MW says she's the Goddess Kali.

WTF? This person's narcissism, self-delusion and self-obsession knows no bounds.

I am an non-British raging feminist. I honestly don't understand the anger against trans women and I think it is misplaced. It is men we should be angry with

@Falcor

I am an non-British raging feminist. I honestly don't understand the anger against trans women and I think it is misplaced. It is men we should be angry with

I'm just thinking about that, and wondering what the glaring elephant in the room is with your statement?

@Falcor

With all my kindness and respect, I believe this post from Mridul Wadhwa is greatly misinterpreted. Some rape survivors I have worked with have indeed had a bigoted idea of rape victims and rapists, (short skirt, too drunk, but he is so nice etc.) usually constructed by media or their personal surroundings and that stops them from identifying as having been raped. That needs to be corrected because everybody can be raped.

Have you read the article? Have you read the interview transcript? The CEO of a rape crisis centre who doesn't seem to understand trauma, and constantly centres themselves instead of their clients, is not suitable for this post.

Yanbu at all.

And reframe has become my most detested word of this week.