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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have no teeth - dating.

161 replies

guywithnoteeth · 10/08/2021 16:24

I'm in a LTR, due to a medical condition my teeth basically disintegrated by the time I hit 30 and I've worn dentures ever since. My partner and I had a small heated debate about my lack of teeth and she is of the opinion that over 90% of women would refuse to date a man (or woman) who wore dentures. I said that was a rather shallow opinion. I'm mid-40s, FWIW.

AIBU - A woman WOULDN'T date someone with dentures.
IANBU - A woman WOULD date someone with dentures.

OP posts:
phishy · 10/08/2021 18:20

@guywithnoteeth

Just wow, thanks for the massive confidence boost you're giving me Smile

DP has a couple of - what she calls "my issues" - that she focuses from time to time. I thought it was par for the course, really. Beginning to realise it's actually not on.

She doesn’t sound very nice at all.

Is she a vision of perfection? Bet she has her flaws too. Call then out to her.

maddy68 · 10/08/2021 18:21

It would definitely put me off. (Sorry). You could consider implants if it bothers you ?

TableFlowerss · 10/08/2021 18:22

@2bazookas

Not just shallow, irrational. The vast majority of modern film celebrities have false teeth. Implanted teeth are false. Crowns are false, Veneers are false. People pay a fortune for false breasts, fake hair, plastic surgery.
OMG This!!!!

We live in a word where everything is fake…..

onelittlefrog · 10/08/2021 18:22

Hmm Honestly, I wouldn't be able to date someone who is as judgemental as your partner.

How can she speak for 90% of people?

She certainly doesn't speak for me or most people on this thread.

Violinist64 · 10/08/2021 18:28

So many things can happen to us as we grow older. Hardly anyone has perfect teeth. Mine, despite braces, are definitely the Hollywood Smile, which is probably the most fake smile anyway. They are “average for year” - and I was born in the mid sixties - l have some fillings and a crown on a tooth that never formed properly. I am average height and build with a big bottom. Do these things matter? Of course not. And nor do your dentures, which, as others have said, will look a lot better than a mouthful of bad teeth. Indeed, these days it is very hard to tell if someone’s teeth are real or false. Is your partner perfect in every way? I don’t think you would have posted here if she were. It sounds as if you need to have a conversation with your partner about some very important things. Your teeth are the least important.

Booboosweet · 10/08/2021 18:30

Honestly for me it would depend on what the rest of you looked like and your personality. If you take care of yourself and are a nice person then the teeth don't matter.

armanted · 10/08/2021 18:36

My mum had all her teeth out at 33, she had no trouble whatsoever meeting and marrying my step dad shortly after. She didn't like anyone seeing her without her dentures in though.

YANBU. Your partner sounds rubbish.

Violinist64 · 10/08/2021 18:38

@Violinist64

So many things can happen to us as we grow older. Hardly anyone has perfect teeth. Mine, despite braces, are definitely the Hollywood Smile, which is probably the most fake smile anyway. They are “average for year” - and I was born in the mid sixties - l have some fillings and a crown on a tooth that never formed properly. I am average height and build with a big bottom. Do these things matter? Of course not. And nor do your dentures, which, as others have said, will look a lot better than a mouthful of bad teeth. Indeed, these days it is very hard to tell if someone’s teeth are real or false. Is your partner perfect in every way? I don’t think you would have posted here if she were. It sounds as if you need to have a conversation with your partner about some very important things. Your teeth are the least important.
Not the Hollywood Smile, I meant to say.
SunshineCake · 10/08/2021 18:42

Why is she saying this? Is she trying to make you grateful she's with you so you take any crap?

FlyingRabbitsAtNoon · 10/08/2021 18:42

Your partner sounds awful, picking at insecurities like that.

To answer your question - if I rocked up on a date and they weren’t wearing any dentures then probably not. If as far as I can tell they go have teeth and later tell me they are dentures I wouldn’t mind at all as by that time I’d either be attracted to them or not at all (regardless of teeth). Implants are expensive and not for everyone (actually, I shudder to think of the price as my railtrack braces cost over £2,500 as it was).

sloutside · 10/08/2021 18:50

Implants are expensive and not for everyone
For one thing the bone density has to be there and if it isn't sometimes this can be treated but it takes a long time to build up bone sufficient to anchor implants.
All-on-4 implants cost around 10K per jaw in the UK!!!
If you go and get them done in Hungary (dental tourism booming there - or at least it was before the pandemic) you looking at about €6000 per jaw, so about 5K pounds.
And that price is if your jaw is ready to go and there is no need for bone augmentation or a sinus lift (whatever that is).

Justashadow · 10/08/2021 18:52

Please do not allow dp to keep putting you down. Raise the bar higher, love yourself and live your life. Be happy. Life it to short.... and yes I would certainly date someone with dentures. Loyalty, compassion, kindness and respect is what is important....you sound far to good for her!

FlyingRabbitsAtNoon · 10/08/2021 18:53

@sloutside That’s absolutely crazy! Do they not offer them on the NHS if it affects MH (like they do in some circumstances for other cosmetic surgery)?

Not that I am in any way suggesting OP should get them, by the way! Just pure curiosity.

sloutside · 10/08/2021 18:58

I don't think you can get implants on the NHS because they offer dentures as a viable solution. Implants are the "luxury" option as it were.
I'm in another country near Hungary and we can't get implants on our health service here. I actually have a dentist in Hungary because of the extortionate cost here. That's how I know about the prices there.

Clarice99 · 10/08/2021 18:58

@guywithnoteeth

Just wow, thanks for the massive confidence boost you're giving me Smile

DP has a couple of - what she calls "my issues" - that she focuses from time to time. I thought it was par for the course, really. Beginning to realise it's actually not on.

It sounds as though they're not 'your issues' but 'her issues'.

She sounds a nasty piece of work.

Whilst I wouldn't be interested, or find attractive, someone with rotten teeth, dentures wouldn't put me off.

YANBU - at all!

nancydroo · 10/08/2021 19:00

@foxandbee

Not a lot of people know this but I have false teeth

Sometimes they can get a bit wobbly and the best thing I have found for keeping them in place is Super Glue. It sounds ridiculous but it really works and using glue has saved me from several potentially embarrassing situations

My teeth started to fall out when I was 15 when I was punched in the face by a lad at school

I arrived home in such a state that my father, who was also called Robson, saw red. He went straight round to the lad’s house, headbutted his dad and then threw him in the dustbin

My dad was a coal miner for more than 40 years and was this big, tough guy who nobody messed with

The above is a quote from Robson Green. I doubt he had trouble getting dates!

Aaahh what a lovely story.
Wheretobuy · 10/08/2021 19:01

@guywithnoteeth

Just wow, thanks for the massive confidence boost you're giving me Smile

DP has a couple of - what she calls "my issues" - that she focuses from time to time. I thought it was par for the course, really. Beginning to realise it's actually not on.

She sounds like an arsehole. she was with you for seven years before you were diagnosed. She must have seen your struggle and still says things like these. I would LTB. I am sorry you are going through this. FWIW, I would never imagine to say to my DH what she is saying to you.
Nachthex · 10/08/2021 19:02

Teeth are very important to me, one of the first things I notice about someone. I'd far rather someone have dentures, which are pretty good these day - we're not talking using teeth from dead people now at least (they really did that) - than missing teeth. Also it would depend why the person had no teeth. Losing them through a medical condition would be very different from losing them through lack of self-care.

MakemeaCake · 10/08/2021 19:04

Why would she discuss whether other women would fancy you when you are already in a relationship with her?

Is she threatening to dump you?

@foxandbee I doubt RG has a full set! The piece you quoted says he had an accident. I assume he lost a couple of teeth maybe. I once dated a footballer who lost a couple of teeth in a collision on the pitch and had 2 false ones on a plate but I'd never say he had 'false teeth' as such. Grin

Nachthex · 10/08/2021 19:04

I had a lot of dental work done in Vietnam. I paid around £1000 for work that would have cost around £6k in the UK.

Motorina · 10/08/2021 19:08

I'll be honest and say it would be a dealbreaker for me. By which I mean I wouldn't start a relationship with someone with dentures (or awful natural teeth). The thought makes me feel queasy.

But... you're in a LTR. People's bodies change. We all get older, wrinklier, and fatter (at least in my case...). In that context, it's an extraordinariliy cruel thing to say to you. And that's coming from someone who is clearly much more bothered about this issue than most.

GreyGoose1980 · 10/08/2021 19:09

Hi op
I’d be slightly put off initially and then I’d give my head a wobble and realise it’s the person not one medical condition that matters. I think it’s mean of your DP to criticise you for something outside your control like this too.

CarnationCat · 10/08/2021 19:13

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Lots of people have missing 'body parts': teeth, hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, missing limbs etc. It's just life.

Seems like you wife is attempting to damage your confidence. Make you feel so awful about yourself that you're grateful she's chosen you. She may have thought that what she thinks is true but saying it to you is so wrong. It's emotionally manipulative.

oakleaffy · 10/08/2021 19:13

OP...If I was you, I'd think very long and hard about remaining with this woman.

Is she a perfect physical specimen?

How would she feel if you criticised her 'Imperfections'?

ajja2021 · 10/08/2021 19:15

If I liked him I would