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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think being in a relationship with a convicted drink driver who killed a person is not 'couple goals'

162 replies

lovedayAlleys · 09/08/2021 22:51

On social media I've seen a couple who have gone public with their relationship with a post on social media.
One half of the couple was the perpetrator in a drink driving incident where the victim that was involved was killed. The perpetrator served a few years in prison for said crime and the situation was well publicised in the media.
Lots of gushing comments under the post on social media congratulating the happy couple, including the comment 'couple goals'.
AIBU that nobody in their right mind could ever aspire to or have a goal of being half of a relationship with someone found guilty of killing another person?
The quantity of likes and positive comments really flummoxed me. Is there anyone here who would date a person they knew to have been guilty of killing another person?

OP posts:
21Bee · 10/08/2021 09:18

@Cabinfever10 What always amazes me about people calling soldiers is terrible people is at the end of the day, those soldiers are keeping people in this country and around the world safe every single day.

People saying soldiers killing in the line of duty are on par with those who killed drink driving should be ashamed of themselves. Soldiers give up and awful lot to keep you safe.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 10/08/2021 09:38

Last thing I will mention is that a few years previous to this the person was convicted of drink driving and banned from driving for a period . That incident didn't lead to a fatality but the next one did.

So they’d done it before and not learnt their lesson. No doubt they’d done it many times between getting their licence back and killing someone as well.
Based on that I think I’d be tempted to write a reply to the ‘couple goals’ comment. Hopefully, next time they drink drive, they will kill themselves leaving the roads a bit safer for everyone else. What a cunt.

Wearywithteens · 10/08/2021 09:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2021 09:42

@Dentistlakes

Drink driving is a despicable crime. They may have served their time in prison but their victim is still dead and their family still has to live with that each and every day. They should have to live the same nightmare imo.
What does that actually mean tho? I doubt they've forgotten their victim but unless you remove the equivalent relative they can't actually live it.
Greentrianglesarethebestones · 10/08/2021 09:43

Is it me or are there some really weird threads on here the last couple of days? Confused

CuntyMcBollocks · 10/08/2021 09:48

Do you mean people who have killed someone by drink driving, or anyone who has killed another person? What if it was a complete accident and no fault of their own? What if they are racked with guilt and remorse about said accident and have paid their debt to society? Things aren't just so simple.

sailmeaway · 10/08/2021 09:50

I agree that DD's seem to give appalling short sentences sometimes, but this person has to live with the fact they took a human life, forever. And unless they're some kind of sociopath, that won;t be easy.

Biancadelrioisback · 10/08/2021 09:52

I'll admit that I have drank and driven before.
Fortunately I didn't kill anyone and wasn't involved in an accident, but I was terrified and not thinking clearly.
I was 18 and my then boyfriend attacked me. Locked me in the house and beat me. I managed to get out and threw myself in my car and drove home. Didn't have access to a phone or money and it was stupid o'clock in the morning so I did what (at the time) felt like my only option.
I very easily could have hit someone and killed them. I am utterly ashamed and furious at my actions. It was 15 years ago now and I still think about it.

Drink driving is wrong. That is a fact. But should I never get to experience happiness because I did it 15 years ago?

Neverrains · 10/08/2021 09:54

@Biancadelrioisback

I'll admit that I have drank and driven before. Fortunately I didn't kill anyone and wasn't involved in an accident, but I was terrified and not thinking clearly. I was 18 and my then boyfriend attacked me. Locked me in the house and beat me. I managed to get out and threw myself in my car and drove home. Didn't have access to a phone or money and it was stupid o'clock in the morning so I did what (at the time) felt like my only option. I very easily could have hit someone and killed them. I am utterly ashamed and furious at my actions. It was 15 years ago now and I still think about it.

Drink driving is wrong. That is a fact. But should I never get to experience happiness because I did it 15 years ago?

The person I know who drink and drove did so in similar circumstances. It was themselves they killed through their actions, not anyone else. If they were still here I’d hope they were able to move on from that one mistake.
thedancingbear · 10/08/2021 09:57

[quote 21Bee]@Cabinfever10 What always amazes me about people calling soldiers is terrible people is at the end of the day, those soldiers are keeping people in this country and around the world safe every single day.

People saying soldiers killing in the line of duty are on par with those who killed drink driving should be ashamed of themselves. Soldiers give up and awful lot to keep you safe.[/quote]
I'm not suggesting they're terrible people. But killing someone in cold blood, unless it's for self-defence, or for bona fide defence of another, is never right. It is a terrible thing to do. And I could not date someone who had done that.

But look, you do you. It wasn't me who introduced British soldiers shooting or blowing up people thousands of miles from home as an example of 'legitimate' killing, and I (and other posters, clearly) could not leave that go unchallenged.

cookiecreampie · 10/08/2021 09:58

He's served time for it. Someone loves him, get over it.

thedancingbear · 10/08/2021 09:59

@cookiecreampie

He's served time for it. Someone loves him, get over it.
But there's evidence he will do it again. it's not a one-off; he's a repeat offender. I, and others, can't get over that.
ChainJane · 10/08/2021 10:06

@thedancingbear

What about people that date military personnel?

I would never date someone who had deliberately killed another person, particularly if they did not regret it, or was prepared to do so.

That includes people who have voluntarily joined the armed forces.

So you wouldn't date a doctor, because in an emergency they might have to decide between two patients knowing that the other will die? Or a police officer who shot a terrorist who was about to denotate a suicide vest and kill a dozen people? But a drink driver who killed would be fine because they were so out of it they had no idea what they were doing?
FaceForRadio1973 · 10/08/2021 10:08

I can't imagine how hard it must be on the victim's family (Would they even have seen the social media post though?)

But please bear in mind that we all make very stupid mistakes and decisions sometimes. - Isn't a mistake just a bad decision?

It's just that 99% of our stupid mistakes don't kill someone.

Have I nearly been killed by someone else's mistake? Yes. Several times.

When I was an apprentice, I was bored in the workshop and started just fiddling with a six inch nail nothing serious.... Its a long story, but a certain chain of events led to me very nearly (certainly seriously injuring or maiming) a fellow apprentice.

I'm not at all religious, but "By the grace of God" and all that...

FaceForRadio1973 · 10/08/2021 10:11

Although it is interesting that people who say that killers can change, but cheaters can't change....

Neverrains · 10/08/2021 10:12

@FaceForRadio1973

Although it is interesting that people who say that killers can change, but cheaters can't change....
Maybe it’s not the same people saying those 2 things?
SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2021 10:13

But there's evidence he will do it again. it's not a one-off; he's a repeat offender. I, and others, can't get over that. There's evidence he did it before he killed someone. No evidence he has done it since. It's a massive distinction

FaceForRadio1973 · 10/08/2021 10:18

Hi Neverrains

You're right, I didn't word that very well, (Oh for an edit button) I meant to say that the general concensus on this site seems to be that criminals can change, but cheaters can't...

Apologies!

thedancingbear · 10/08/2021 10:34

So you wouldn't date a doctor, because in an emergency they might have to decide between two patients knowing that the other will die?

Comparing this to deliberately shooting or blowing someone up is offensive.

Or a police officer who shot a terrorist who was about to denotate a suicide vest and kill a dozen people?

Tell me the last time a member of the armed forces did that in the UK. I'm around all day.

But a drink driver who killed would be fine because they were so out of it they had no idea what they were doing?

Show me where I said that. Again, I'm around all day.

thedancingbear · 10/08/2021 10:36

@SleepingStandingUp

But there's evidence he will do it again. it's not a one-off; he's a repeat offender. I, and others, can't get over that. There's evidence he did it before he killed someone. No evidence he has done it since. It's a massive distinction
He hasn't done it since the last time he did it. Therefore, he won't do it again.

Fantastic logic. Just brilliant.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 10/08/2021 10:41

There's evidence he did it before he killed someone. No evidence he has done it since. It's a massive distinction

But would you want to date someone who didn’t stop after that ‘warning’ and had to go on to kill someone before he stopped doing it, if he has stopped, which isn’t known.

JustLyra · 10/08/2021 10:50

@SleepingStandingUp

But there's evidence he will do it again. it's not a one-off; he's a repeat offender. I, and others, can't get over that. There's evidence he did it before he killed someone. No evidence he has done it since. It's a massive distinction
The revelation that he did it before also came into play when the thread was going heavily in the opposite direction that the OP expected…
thedancingbear · 10/08/2021 10:56

The revelation that he did it before also came into play when the thread was going heavily in the opposite direction that the OP expected…

In fairness, it seems highly likely that anyone caught drink driving has done it very many times before they're actually caught, and certainly before the end up killing someone. It's the kind of 'one off mistake' that people overwhelmingly make multiple times. In which event, it's not a mistake, it's a conscious decision to be a scumbag.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/08/2021 10:59

Is there anyone here who would date a person they knew to have been guilty of killing another person?

Probably. As this would include many with military or police partners.....

Fromablokespoint · 10/08/2021 11:12

@thedancingbear

"Tell me the last time a member of the armed forces did that in the UK. I'm around all day."

Poster actually said Police Office - do you put them in the same category?