AIBU to think being in a relationship with a convicted drink driver who killed a person is not 'couple goals'

[lovedayAlleys]

On social media I've seen a couple who have gone public with their relationship with a post on social media.
One half of the couple was the perpetrator in a drink driving incident where the victim that was involved was killed. The perpetrator served a few years in prison for said crime and the situation was well publicised in the media.
Lots of gushing comments under the post on social media congratulating the happy couple, including the comment 'couple goals'.
AIBU that nobody in their right mind could ever aspire to or have a goal of being half of a relationship with someone found guilty of killing another person?
The quantity of likes and positive comments really flummoxed me. Is there anyone here who would date a person they knew to have been guilty of killing another person?

@AntiFlag

Did it Ant McThingy and his new mistress wife?

Point of order, Ant didn't kill anyone.

And this is my point earlier. He was lucky. He could very well have killed someone but he got away with it and is now able to resume his life and career.

Drink driving is a despicable crime. They may have served their time in prison but their victim is still dead and their family still has to live with that each and every day. They should have to live the same nightmare imo.

| think it is extremely disrespectful to the victim to be celebrating your happy life on social media.

I don't think that shows and genuine sorrow, empathy or remorse.

Move on with your life by all means, but you have forfeited the right to use of social media

Except if used to raise awareness, etc.

Definitely not for personal celebrations

I come from a rural community where it was sadly normal for late teens/early twenty year olds to be involved in car accidents. Often this resulted in death, but sometimes serious injury or brain damage. Sometimes it was other road users who died, often passengers, sometimes the drivers themselves. Some were convicted of dangerous driving, usually for inadvertently killing their friends.

I find the idea difficult that these young people who made terrible mistakes should never go on and try to lead happy lives. I’m sure their happiness will always be blighted by what they did.

I friend/ lock/delete if somebody else's relationship bothers you so much. I'm assuming you're perfect and have never done anything wrong. People change!

I went to school with somebody who drove drunk at 18 and killed a 21yr old man who was walking home. He served 3yrs in prison. The father of the victim (a family friend) wanted nothing more than for the boy who killed his son to learn a lesson and live a full life. He, remarkably, acknowledged that two men could lose their futures or one man could learn a valuable lesson. He left prison and built a life including a business, a marriage, children and a commitment to community and charity work. He does this in the same town where the incident happened.

Could I be in a relationship with somebody who did that? I don't know because it's too complex. My gut reaction is no, but I acknowledge that it's not a choose your own adventure plot. Real life is not so straightforward.

What if it’s someone who wasn’t drunk but still driving?. My fil hit a motorbike that appeared from no where and the young man sadly died. The camera caught the bike doing speeds well over double the limit on a 40 road . He was cleared of any wrong doing but wrecked with quilt and never drove in the dark again , but his wife and family supported him all the way.
Or is your opinion just anyone that kills someone no matter what the circumstances should be alone forever ?

There’s a difference between a genuine accident and someone getting into a car to drive when they are drunk. The two can’t be compared. Killing someone when you are drink driving isn’t an accident.

@clpsmum

I friend/ lock/delete if somebody else's relationship bothers you so much. I'm assuming you're perfect and have never done anything wrong. People change!

I’m not perfect but I’ve never killed anyone. Why does it have to be one or the other?

Quite. I find the flippant attitude to drink drivers from down posters on this thread quite nauseating.

@Costumeidea it doesn't have to be one or the other. I'm
Not perfect but never killed anybody either. I have made mistakes though and wouldn't want to be judged for them. The driver has served their time and their partner chooses to be with them if the OP doesn't like it she can delete

I think drink driving is disgusting and should always be punished but people can change

Interesting how, after almost 100 posts, virtually everyone commenting is assuming that the perpetrator of the driving offence is a man. Nothing in OP's posts that indicate that -- could equally be a woman. (Or indeed that the couple in question is two women, or two men.)

@BeetleyCarapace

Interesting how, after almost 100 posts, virtually everyone commenting is assuming that the perpetrator of the driving offence is a man. Nothing in OP's posts that indicate that -- could equally be a woman. (Or indeed that the couple in question is two women, or two men.)

Of course it's a man.

@Shoxfordian

I think people make mistakes If you’ve never made any then judge away op

There is making mistakes, and then there is killing someone

Your morality compass is very very odd if you lump every mistake, including taking the life of another person, into the same bucket

I would agree but at the same time it reminds me of someone I crossed paths with a few times decades ago. Young unfortunate man. Just seeing how tortured he was about what he's done and how it impacted everything around him. No one could possibly make him feel as bad as he made himself. I would like to think that one day he would have found happiness.

MN at its finest yet again!

A post about someone shooting a deer a few months ago: outrage, disgust, how can anyone be friends with someone who does that, absolutely disgusting excuse for a human being

A post about someone killing another human: Ho hum, we all make mistakes, people change, let’s not judge

I don’t lump every mistake into the same bucket but I also don’t judge people and I wouldn’t say that someone convicted for killing someone whilst drunk driving doesn’t deserve a relationship in the future as the op seems to think

@thedancingbear women never drink drive?

I don’t think OP has said anywhere that the killer doesn’t ever deserve a relationship

I think she is just pointing out that if your ‘goal’ is a relationship with a killer, perhaps you haven’t set your sights very high, and it’s not sending the message you think it is to crow ‘couples goals’ all over social media

It would depend on the circumstances. I dated someone who had on a night out got into a fight as young blokes often do and unfortunately the other person fell and hit his head on the kerb and passed away. He served his sentence and was genuinely remorseful and regretted his actions but he never set out to do that. He is one of the nicest people, even though the relationship didn’t work out I still think highly of him. Even good people can make truly terrible mistakes that cannot be undone. Having seen the effects after an event like this, these people go through hell everyday. If I hadn’t met this man I might have thought totally different too, but I am glad I got to know him and see the real side of him, not judging on a total mistake that he will live with for the rest of his life. Obviously the families and friends of the victim suffer a higher pain there is no doubt in that.

However, if someone was killed or hurt in any way in a deliberate act, no I could never date or condone or be happy for a friend dating.

@drpet49

* Is there anyone here who would date a person they knew to have been guilty of killing another person?*

^Never ever. I wouldn’t be that desperate.

What about people that date military personnel?

@Cabinfever10

Do you honestly mean anyone who has killed another person? Or do you just mean under drink driving. I ask this because most of my family are military (currently and formerly serving) and more than 1 has killed in the line of duty are they not allowed to have relationships?

It’s hardly the same thing is it. There’s a huge difference between choosing to get in a car and drive when you’re pissed and killing someone, and killing someone in a military situation. The two don’t even compare.

What about people that date military personnel?

I would never date someone who had deliberately killed another person, particularly if they did not regret it, or was prepared to do so.

That includes people who have voluntarily joined the armed forces.

It’s hardly the same thing is it. There’s a huge difference between choosing to get in a car and drive when you’re pissed and killing someone, and killing someone in a military situation. The two don’t even compare.

I tend to agree with this. One is accidental killing, one is deliberate.