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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask people to lateral flow test?

113 replies

Teachertired92 · 09/08/2021 20:25

I’m due to have my first baby in 3 weeks and I have said if covid rates are still high in my area, I want people to complete a lateral flow before coming over and holding my baby for the first few weeks to give her immune system a chance to improve.
Some people are saying this is ridiculous and they won’t be coming over, including close family members. They claim I’m stopping them seeing their new family member.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 10/08/2021 13:37

Seems sensible to me. Don’t be lulled into false sense of security though my teen DD tested negative on lateral flow and positive on pcr same day. Some of her friends who had pcr were same.

AgentJohnson · 10/08/2021 13:48

I had to test and test a group of ten people for five days for a recent event for work. Most people did it (not without complaint) but I was well aware it was a false sense of security.

I personally, would limit access to your newborn to as few people as possible.

Aprilx · 10/08/2021 14:02

@Saoirse82

YANBU OP. I'm pregnant and due in November, if covid cases are still high only vaccinated people (besides my nephews who are children) will be meeting the baby. I'm not open to debate about this. All our immediate families and most friends are vaccinated. The friends who aren't vaccinated are the covid denier anti vaxx types who I've distanced myself a bit from anyway because of their ridiculous conspiracies. My friend who has been incredibly careful about covid was a close contact a week after giving birth along with her new baby, thankfully they were OK but it was a very fraught time for her as a new mum.
So you are just making a point? Because if you were genuinely worried you wouldn’t allow your unvaccinated nephews to visit, they possibly carry the greatest risk too!
wobblywinelover · 10/08/2021 14:18

If they were to do one would you want them to bring the test strip round to prove that they were negative? How would you know they are going to do one anyway?

Lateral flow tests aren't really that good. Mine didn't pick up as positive until day 4 after being infected, and I was symptomatic too. I don't know where the previous posters have said they're not accurate for symptomatic people either. Surely if you were symptomatic that would be enough of an answer for you to stay away from a newborn anyway.

As a side note, I know you don't want your baby to get covid, but if he/she were then it would be unlikely they would be poorly with it. Have you had covid yourself OP? if you are breastfeeding you may have passed on some immunity to your baby too, which is also something else to consider.

CremeEggThief · 10/08/2021 14:21

I thought you meant everyone literally, so was going to say YABU, but YANBU in your circumstances.

MaryShelley1818 · 10/08/2021 14:28

I have voted YANBU as I understand feeling anxious and irrational where new babies are (I have health anxiety).

However this would be a bit OTT even for me and not something I would ask people to do personally. I say that as a mother of a 7mth old baby born at the height of the second wave who has had visitors, been to soft play, many trips out to farms/zoos, hotel stay, caravan stay etc
You can't exist in a bubble or keep a baby away from germs, it's not possible or healthy. Our toddler has also been at nursery.
LFTs are not particularly accurate anyway.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/08/2021 14:31

Why are your family being so very precious? It’s only a lft, not major surgery!

gogohm · 10/08/2021 14:33

I think it's actually more sensible to restrict visitors to outside and insist on good hand washing if they are going to touch your baby because the lateral flow tests are far from perfect.

Mybobowler · 10/08/2021 14:35

An endless stream of visitors when you've just had a baby is exhausting, so your family is at least sparing you that..!

(Obviously, I do not think you're being unreasonable. I do an LFT before visiting any vulnerable person indoors, and would 100% do one before going to see a newborn)

senoritarita · 10/08/2021 14:37

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask. Your baby, your house, your choice

Whats the big deal? They are free, easy to obtain and quick results

Why are people so difficult?

Original poster
Teachertired92 · 10/08/2021 20:57

@Boood I don’t mind if they choose not to come, it’s the messages guilt tripping me into making my decision and constantly telling me I’m unreasonable and trying to make me change my mind. If they just accepted my decision and said they would come see us at a later date I would totally respect that

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 10/08/2021 21:01

Then they don’t come over. It’s a tiny baby. People need to comply or don’t bother coming, last thing any of you need with a new baby is Covid. I’m just recovering (double jabbed) and I’d have struggled hugely with a new baby and Covid. Don’t back down

Darbs76 · 10/08/2021 21:07

Also to add those saying LFTs are rubbish, they picked up we were all. Covid positive, all 3 of us.

Curiosity101 · 10/08/2021 21:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. I tested before seeing friends the other day and they're both healthy/middle aged with a toddler... just seemed the 'right' thing to do. I'm also double vaccinated and 35 weeks pregnant, but it literally takes 2 minutes to do the test, it's really not a big deal.

Have you had/considered having the vaccine @Teachertired92? They've shown that babies are coming out with Covid antibodies so it seems to give some protection in the same way the Whooping Cough vaccine does. Just a thought as it could help ease your anxiety.

AntiHop · 10/08/2021 21:16

Why do people keep saying that lfts don't work with symptoms? They can detect infection of people with, or without symptoms. As this study says "These tests work a lot less well in people who are asymptomatic than symptomatic." www.bmj.com/content/372/bmj.n823

They are far from 100% accurate, but better than nothing, as long as you are clear that a negative test doesn't mean you are definitely negative.

girlmom21 · 10/08/2021 21:18

If they don't respect you enough to do a 30 second swab to protect your newborn baby id ask them not to bother coming round full stop.

It's a perfectly reasonable request given the pandemic.

Confusedandshaken · 10/08/2021 21:20

YANBU. They are being inconsiderate and thoughtless.

My three main circles of friends are all double vaxxed now and we are socialising reasonably freely again. We all do a LFT as a matter of course before any gathering or meet up. For the time being it's our new normal. If a bunch of middle aged , healthy mates can do it to keep one another safe it seems like a no brainer to do it for a new born.

Surprisedpikachu · 10/08/2021 21:21

@senoritarita

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask. Your baby, your house, your choice

Whats the big deal? They are free, easy to obtain and quick results

Why are people so difficult?

Totally agree. Plus I don’t get why people are saying they’re not accurate - I know 4 different friends who’ve had positive results on a LF, later confirmed with a PCR. They’re easy to get hold of and the results are so fast.
MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2021 21:22

NailsNeedDoing

You are asking this because of your anxiety, not because there’s a real need for people who have been double vaccinated to test before coming to see you.

Your relatives should do what you ask as new mums are allowed to be slightly unreasonable, but I can see why they’d think it was OTT.“

Patronising, much?

Not OTT at all, perfectly reasonable. If they choose not to see baby, their loss.

UndertheCedartree · 10/08/2021 21:23

You are not unreasonable to ask and if people refuse it is their loss. The only family a newborn needs around her is her parents.

However, if I was you I'd just not have people around for a while if rates are high. The tests aren't accurate enough to know for sure someone hasn't got Covid and the last thing you (or your baby) need(s) is to catch Covid with a newborn to look after.

Theluggage15 · 10/08/2021 21:53

You can ask but as many others have said, the tests are hugely unreliable. I know several people with and without symptoms who tested positive for covid with pcr tests but the LFTs were still showing negative.

Whattodoaboutnothing · 10/08/2021 22:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/08/2021 22:12

I'm going away with a friend in a few weeks. The venue requires an LFT. She plans on inputting the details without actually doing the test.

herculesoffline · 10/08/2021 22:17

Another vote for limit guests anyway, regardless of Covid. My baby was born prematurely and is still in hospital. RSV is rife, with a lot of the paeds wards now functioning as bronchiolitis overflow wards. When he's discharged we are going to be extremely picky about who visits and when.

Dee1975 · 10/08/2021 22:28

You are not being unreasonable! And I actually think that if people have a problem with it, then I wouldn’t want them over at all - even if they do say ‘they will do one’ just to please you. You have a brand new baby - they should be more supportive.