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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So my cousins husband just liked me on old....

97 replies

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 08:56

Never met him, just saw the wedding stuff on fb. Deffo him, he even used his daughters name and year of birth as his screename ... idiot

Not close to my cousin at all and my aibu? Well more a wwyfd?

Arggggg.....

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 09/08/2021 08:59

A call to your cousin (or her mother) to express your sadness that she and her husband have separated?

phishy · 09/08/2021 09:00

Ugh awkward! Could they have split?

DeflatedGinDrinker · 09/08/2021 09:13

Screenshot and send it her

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/08/2021 09:14

Do nothing
Not
Your problem

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 09:16

I'd go with this is X, y's cousin. I didn't realise you two had split up, I'm sorry to hear that.

FlorenceWintle · 09/08/2021 09:18

I wouldn’t get involved TBH

mildlymiffed · 09/08/2021 09:19

@FlorenceWintle

I wouldn’t get involved TBH
Fuck that. I'd ring your cousin to express your sympathies. Then, if he's being a cheating bastard, at least she'll know. I'd want to know.
Auntienumber8 · 09/08/2021 09:40

Screenshot everything for proof and send it to her but ring her first and speak to her.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 09/08/2021 09:41

I never understand 'I wouldn't get involved.'

Either they're living separate lives and she's fine with it, or he's treating her very badly and she needs to know so that she can make decisions.

LowlytheWorm · 09/08/2021 09:44

Urghhh. I would email the wife with a screenshot and say you’re so so sorry to share this but thought she had the right to know.
Some of my friends and my distant cousin knew my exH had a girlfriend before I did (when he was still a H- not and exH). It was really hurtful and felt like those people didn’t even think about me at all. I’d have wanted to know.

WillowGrand · 09/08/2021 09:45

Screenshot and a “sorry you’ve separated” message

Fuck none of your business I hate that attitude

SwanShaped · 09/08/2021 09:48

She needs to know. Somehow. Can you find out if they’re separated?

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 10:00

I wouldn't do the likes of the screen shot and sorry you've separated. That's really quite nasty as OP knows they haven't or are very unlikely to have separated. I'd call her, explain what you've seen and ask if she was aware or if they have separated. Offer support even if you aren't close

readytosell · 09/08/2021 10:03

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I never understand 'I wouldn't get involved.'

Either they're living separate lives and she's fine with it, or he's treating her very badly and she needs to know so that she can make decisions.

Because often people aren't in full receipt of all the facts before just jumping in.

They could have split up - OP says herself she isn't close to cousin.

Is there another family member you could ask OP?

Sarahlou63 · 09/08/2021 10:03

That's really quite nasty as OP knows they haven't or are very unlikely to have separated.

Where did the OP say that??

Houseofvelour · 09/08/2021 10:04

Tell her

Mamette · 09/08/2021 10:06

I never understand 'I wouldn't get involved.'

Because people shoot the messenger and often the man weasels himself out of the situation and makes out you started it/ made it up/ are crazy.

QuentinBunbury · 09/08/2021 10:08

I'd go with this is X, y's cousin. I didn't realise you two had split up, I'm sorry to hear that.
This. Make him sweat a bit (or he'll say, yes, last month, blah blah so you'll know)
Depending on his reaction you can decide what to do next.

I think if he's still married she does need to know and in some ways it's good you aren't close.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 10:08

Well even if they had split up, being as OP doesn't know that, I'd not go in with that tactic. It seems unnecessarily cruel if indeed they haven't (which you have to assume not knowing otherwise)

readytosell · 09/08/2021 10:09

Also if they have actually split up, maybe the cousin doesn't want/need to know that her ex-husband is on OLD and moving on? It could cause just as much heartache both directions.

CoraPirbright · 09/08/2021 10:13

I would screen shot it.

Then put out subtle feelers within the family to find out if they have split. It’s entirely possible they have......or he is a cheating scumbag, of course. Then you can decide what to do.

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 10:34

Thanks everyone, i dont think i can ignore, i may not be close to my cousin but i do know they are a close knit family and i am very fond of my aunt and uncle, her parents.

I have looked on fb and nothing indicates they have split up, normally family get togethers and days out with the kids etc.

I really dont want to hurt her, bur i also wouldnt want to be living the lie if it was me.

I havent engaged him in convo on OLD yet but i am thinking I might... but still not sure of the best course of action. I know doing nothing is not an option

OP posts:
EmbarrassingMama · 09/08/2021 10:43

I don't understand. "Just liked me on old...".

What is this? A dating website? Why are there so many cryptic posts on here today?!

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 10:52

There's nothing cryptic about OLD it's a commonly used acronym outside of mumsnet too. Not just a forum specific one.

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 10:54

@EmbarrassingMama

I don't understand. "Just liked me on old...".

What is this? A dating website? Why are there so many cryptic posts on here today?!

OLD = online dating

To like is to swipe right - ie yes i am interested

The idea is if you both swipe right its a match and you can start chatting with a view to starting something beautiful

Unfortunately OLD apps and sites are full of players, cheaters, vacuous voyeurs and its hard to find the wheat among the chaf so to speak. HTH - hope this helps or happy to help

OP posts: