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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So my cousins husband just liked me on old....

97 replies

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 08:56

Never met him, just saw the wedding stuff on fb. Deffo him, he even used his daughters name and year of birth as his screename ... idiot

Not close to my cousin at all and my aibu? Well more a wwyfd?

Arggggg.....

OP posts:
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 09/08/2021 12:22

I would message her and say sorry if l have got the wrong end of the stick but am really sorry to hear about you and your husband splitting up.
Then she can probe further if she wishes to.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 09/08/2021 12:24

@patkinney online dating - took me a few looks cos l thought the op hadn't finished her sentence!

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 12:26

[quote Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin]@patkinney online dating - took me a few looks cos l thought the op hadn't finished her sentence![/quote]
Sorry i should have capitalised... it being an acronym my bad

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 09/08/2021 12:30

I would go down the route of mentioning it to his wife but from the angle that you assumed it’s a fake profile using his photo and potentially a scammer. You are giving her the heads up that he might have been hacked but at same time giving her some information to allow her to make her own enquiries .

FleetwoodRaincoat · 09/08/2021 12:32

If this was me, I would talk to my aunt (or your mum/dad) about it and see what they say.

For example, my cousin split with her husband but they didn't want their children to know (bizarre I know!) so they continued to share a house and do things with the children. So maybe it's something like this?

Anonanon1234 · 09/08/2021 12:36

@InsanityOf2020

Thanks everyone, i dont think i can ignore, i may not be close to my cousin but i do know they are a close knit family and i am very fond of my aunt and uncle, her parents.

I have looked on fb and nothing indicates they have split up, normally family get togethers and days out with the kids etc.

I really dont want to hurt her, bur i also wouldnt want to be living the lie if it was me.

I havent engaged him in convo on OLD yet but i am thinking I might... but still not sure of the best course of action. I know doing nothing is not an option

Go with the PP suggestion of messaging him saying you're xx cousin and you didn't realise they had split, but for obvious reasons you aren't willing to date your cousins ex.

Also, I wouldn't base too much on social media. I've split with my husband, but only close close family know and to look on social media, there are no clues to show we are separated.

BettysGotMoxie · 09/08/2021 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

VeganVeal · 09/08/2021 12:43

I'd go for it

Idontbelieveit14 · 09/08/2021 12:46

It could be someone trying to get him in trouble?

tintodeverano2 · 09/08/2021 12:46

Urgh my cousin saw something similar about my ex a few months before we were getting married. She told my mum, and pulled out of being bridesmaid but I didn't know why.

Neither of them told me. How I wish they had of done! Would've saved a hell of a lot of money and heartbreak.

AutistGoth · 09/08/2021 12:53

I'd do precisely what @Sn0tnose advises. That way, you are letting someone you trust know and ensuring that the information will eventually get to your cousin. However, if (in the very unlikely scenario) he has been hacked, or they have split up or it's someone pretending to be him, you don't look like the bad guy for meddling. It also means that your cousin hears it from her mum rather than from a relative who isn't so close to her.

I'm sorry that you have been put in this position. It's an awful one to be in. You're damned if you do tell and you're damned if you don't. Flowers

chickychicchic · 09/08/2021 13:00

Sorry but I will go see my cousin and show her talk to her face to face

Kithic · 09/08/2021 13:00

@InsanityOf2020

Never met him, just saw the wedding stuff on fb. Deffo him, he even used his daughters name and year of birth as his screename ... idiot

Not close to my cousin at all and my aibu? Well more a wwyfd?

Arggggg.....

do you mean like "Jessica97" a proper girls name? why would a man put a girls name?
NotWanting · 09/08/2021 13:02

I hate it when people say it isn't your business. You have seen something / heard something it becomes your business.

OP I very much doubt someone is using his pictues given his user name.

I would absolutely 100% tell her.

KidneyBeans · 09/08/2021 13:06

@patkinney

Help please, what is this 'Old...' ? twice I have seen it mentioned on here recently, is it new?
You could read the thread and see that it's already been explained
Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 13:13

@Kithic thats exactly what i mean, he jumped out at me in my likes list because his daughter has such an unusual name, so i went and checked his profile and well ....

OP posts:
PearlFriday · 09/08/2021 13:15

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Do nothing Not Your problem
As you are not close to yr cousin id do nothing
PearlFriday · 09/08/2021 13:16

He is stupid! The mum could google the name, see if its gaining popularity

DameFanny · 09/08/2021 13:18

So extra creepy he would use his daughter's name. I think you have to tell her - just drop her a WhatsApp or whatever and ask if she's free to talk. You could always preface with 'if you've started swinging I don't need to know but I thought you should know this'

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/08/2021 13:18

Gather more evidence the tell her

Thehop · 09/08/2021 13:21

Definitely tell her. Poor cow.

Really grim he’s using his daughters name.

PieceOfString · 09/08/2021 13:23

Christ, don't talk to him! It'll just give him chance to cover his tracks. This is sad bad family news. Personally I'd go and see your aunt tell her you are upset as you have come into some information you didn't want it all for which affects your cousin her daughter. Share it with her and explain your predicament and you can break the news together with care and love

blubberyboo · 09/08/2021 13:24

I think you are better to speak direct to your cousin rather than through her parents as to do so puts the dilemma on them, they might decide to keep quiet meaning she never finds out, or they might not be aware that they have already agreed a split.

I would delicately mention it to your cousin and stress you have an open mind as to why the profile is there and that you are not personally looking for info, you just felt she should know

DameFanny · 09/08/2021 13:26

Please please don't go to her mother first - give her the information, let her process it before she decides what, if anything, she wants to do or say.

You don't need to gather any extra information, you're not a detective making a case, you're a loving family member who wants their cousin to be aware that their husband may be putting her family at risk.

But give her the dignity of deciding how she wants to handle it.

AlternativePerspective · 09/08/2021 13:33

I think the fact he’s used his daughter’s name is suspicious. It would make it too easy to be recognised.

To me it sounds like his social media has been hacked, and details obtained that way.

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