Page 2 | So my cousins husband just liked me on old....

EThreepwood · 09/08/2021 10:56

@EmbarrassingMama

I don't understand. "Just liked me on old...".

What is this? A dating website? Why are there so many cryptic posts on here today?!

Old is an acronym for OnLine Dating. Could be anyone of the websites.

Allllchange · 09/08/2021 10:58

I would probably give the screen shot to your parents to send to their sibling (your aunt/uncle) and then they can decide how to handle it from there and offer the support needed to your cousin.

SheWoreYellow · 09/08/2021 10:59

Don’t talk to him about it. It’ll just give him time to get a story ready to tell your cousin.

Oversize · 09/08/2021 11:05

Screenshot and if they haven't split, tell her because she'll need STI tests if he's cheating.

KidneyBeans · 09/08/2021 11:12

@EmbarrassingMama

I don't understand. "Just liked me on old...".

What is this? A dating website? Why are there so many cryptic posts on here today?!

There's literally nothing cryptic about using a well known acronym

@InsanityOf2020 I think I'd need to tell her but I think you need clear proof he's active first as otherwise he'll pass it off as a joke profile

Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 11:20

@KidneyBeans the fact that he just swiped right on me kind of proves hes on there checking women out. Even if its just looking and doing the voyeuristic yes/no on looks only its still doesnt sit right

Maybe he swiped right because of the family resemblance.... 😂😂

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Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 11:22

@SheWoreYellow i wasnt going to talk to him about who i am etc i was thinking some sort of light chat to find out a bit about what hes up to so i have more "evidence" or i can make a more informed choice about what to do.

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VeryLongBeeeep · 09/08/2021 11:29

I think I would make contact with the cousin and say something like "I've ummed and aahed over whether to say anything but in the end I thought I should let you know that [cousin's husband] appears to be on OLD. It's entirely possible you already know and I will now happily butt out either way, but I know if it were me I'd prefer to be aware. Hope you're okay."

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 11:33

I'd be very tempted to message him like you say and let him drop himself in it a little more however I'm not sure if it's the best thing to do?! Tough situation

milcal · 09/08/2021 11:41

Are you sure it's not someone using his photos? I would start a conversation with him to find out if it is him and then say who you are. If it is him and they haven't split up then you would think he would know that the chances of someone finding him online are high!

smalalalalalala · 09/08/2021 11:43

I had the same situation (and posted on Mumsnet). I told my cousin and they split up. I don't know much of the details.
He came to me saying I was to arrange things between them because it wasn't my business blah blah blah. I didn't respond because I did nothing wrong.
If it was me I would want to know.

TheAverageUser · 09/08/2021 11:44

I think you should tell her but definitely wouldn't talk to the partner on OLD app because then it looks like you both did something wrong. A bit like to trapped him which you definitely didn't! I think you have enough to talk to her.

MattDillonsEyebrows · 09/08/2021 11:49

I really don’t understand PP’s who claim it’s ‘not your business’ or ‘don’t get involved’ unfortunately, the bloke has made sure the OP involved now whether she likes it or not. Either action now has a consequence.

To not say anything, would be covering the husbands back, if she’s closer to the husband, and likes him better, then this decision is fine. However, OP would need to be prepared that cousin will be hurt knowing she knew but didn’t tell her.
If she’s closer to the cousin then to say something would ensure she is armed with ALL the facts in her relationship. She might already know, in which case, she’ll be grateful to know her cousin had her back. She might not be aware, and then be grateful she has all the facts to make an informed decision about what she wants to do.

If she ‘shoots the messenger’ as a PP put it, then, again it’s the cousin’s choice, (and it’s something the OP needs to be prepared for), but at least she’s definitely aware of all that’s going on in her relationship and the OP knows she tried to do the right thing.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/08/2021 11:54

I had this scenario.

I messaged my relative, asked he what she wanted me to do.

She asked me to message and ask certain questions, or message at certain times. We soon established it wasn't her husband, but someone he knew using his picture.

Its a horrible situation to be in.

TooBigForMyBoots · 09/08/2021 11:56

Speak to your cousin before you message him so you get the info she wants @InsanityOf2020.

CoralFish · 09/08/2021 11:56

he even used his daughters name and year of birth as his screename

This sounds very odd. How old is the daughter? Are we sure it's not just her messing around?

Sn0tnose · 09/08/2021 11:58

i wasnt going to talk to him about who i am etc i was thinking some sort of light chat to find out a bit about what hes up to so i have more "evidence" or i can make a more informed choice about what to do.

I think that if you do this, you’re giving him the ammunition he needs to take the attention off himself and put it onto you. ‘See? It wasn’t just me, that wicked Insanity was talking to me too, and she’s your family, so it’s a far greater betrayal than anything I’ve done’. And if she doesn’t want to end her marriage, it’s far easier to put all the blame on you than address what he’s done. It’s human nature. I would take screenshots and give them to her mum and dad so they can talk to her. And I’d do it sooner rather than later before he realises you aren’t going to respond and that your cousin is probably going to find out.

rainbowstardrops · 09/08/2021 12:01

I don't really know whether it would be best to engage in some conversation to get some info or speak directly to your cousin or her parents.
I'd probably do the first. You'd get a clearer idea.

TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 12:03

@readytosell

Also if they have actually split up, maybe the cousin doesn't want/need to know that her ex-husband is on OLD and moving on? It could cause just as much heartache both directions.

This. Your (ex) partner's dating ad is the last thing you want to see, whether you know you've broken up or not.

'Sorry to hear you and Fred have split; I'm here if you need to chat' is better.

This isn't about dropping Fred in it; this is just about making sure cousin knows what she needs to.

DynamoKev · 09/08/2021 12:05

@Mamette

I never understand 'I wouldn't get involved.'

Because people shoot the messenger and often the man weasels himself out of the situation and makes out you started it/ made it up/ are crazy.

Yep - no good deed will go unpunished.

Penistoe · 09/08/2021 12:17

OLD = online dating

Omg Am I the only one who has always assumed OLD was a dating app for older people? Literally seen people mention it for years and didn’t realise it was just online dating. Well don’t I feel silly!

Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 12:18

@milcal

Are you sure it's not someone using his photos? I would start a conversation with him to find out if it is him and then say who you are. If it is him and they haven't split up then you would think he would know that the chances of someone finding him online are high!

It really hadn't occured to me someone could do that... need to be sure it's definitely him i suppose before i upset any apple carts

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Potatoy · 09/08/2021 12:19

@VeryLongBeeeep

I think I would make contact with the cousin and say something like "I've ummed and aahed over whether to say anything but in the end I thought I should let you know that [cousin's husband] appears to be on OLD. It's entirely possible you already know and I will now happily butt out either way, but I know if it were me I'd prefer to be aware. Hope you're okay."

I'd do this.

It might be they are in an open relationship i guess.

Original poster

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 12:20

@CoralFish

he even used his daughters name and year of birth as his screename

This sounds very odd. How old is the daughter? Are we sure it's not just her messing around?

She's 5 so no... not her unless shes a genius

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patkinney · 09/08/2021 12:21

Help please, what is this 'Old...' ? twice I have seen it mentioned on here recently, is it new?