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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So my cousins husband just liked me on old....

97 replies

InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 08:56

Never met him, just saw the wedding stuff on fb. Deffo him, he even used his daughters name and year of birth as his screename ... idiot

Not close to my cousin at all and my aibu? Well more a wwyfd?

Arggggg.....

OP posts:
summercupcake · 09/08/2021 13:36

I'd discreetly contact your cousin, I'd use the excuse that you thought maybe they'd split up or maybe it's a mistake and someone has been using his pictures. Just say you're sorry to have this awkward conversation but you'd want to know if it was you.

Don't mention it to any other family members, just be discreet and let her decide how to proceed.

Don't engage in any conversation with him unless she asks you to.

AttaGirrrrl · 09/08/2021 13:40

This happened to my friend last year, except it was my (STBX) husband who she saw online.

She messaged me saying “odd question, but are you and [STBXH] still together?”

When I said yes, she apologised and then sent me a screenshot of his OLD profile.

I’ve honestly never appreciated anyone more. She gave me the information I needed to make an informed decision, and to start to trust my instincts after much gaslighting by him. I think she was brave and honest to do that. I’ve since discovered that other people knew about different times he’d cheated and I have far less respect for them!

Please tell her.

AutistGoth · 09/08/2021 13:50

Can you send a screenshot of the photograph, username and "like/swipe right" to your Dcousin and say "Hi! This profile swiped right on m. It looks like your DH's facebook might have been hacked. I thought I'd better show you and you can mention it to him so he can change his password etc. Hope you, he and little girl are well and have been coping with lockdown. Would love to see you soon, it's been ages. Lots of Love."

That way, you're subtly letting her know and placing the ball in her court, but giving him the benefit of the doubt.

CloudPop · 09/08/2021 14:18

I agree that a friendly "looks like he's been hacked" is the way forward

Newestname001 · 09/08/2021 14:55

@patkinney

Help please, what is this 'Old...' ? twice I have seen it mentioned on here recently, is it new

OLD = Online Dating 🌹

Dogvmarmot · 09/08/2021 15:11

@blubberyboo

I would go down the route of mentioning it to his wife but from the angle that you assumed it’s a fake profile using his photo and potentially a scammer. You are giving her the heads up that he might have been hacked but at same time giving her some information to allow her to make her own enquiries .
this
HollowTalk · 09/08/2021 15:15

I'd phone your aunt and speak to her. I'd say that you've seen your cousin's husband on a dating site and he'd liked your profile. Ask whether your cousin has separated from him. It's up to her mum then what she does with that information.

Wouldn't he have recognised you?

As for the fake photo, that isn't likely given the name and DOB used.

BizzyIzzyfruitpie · 09/08/2021 15:34

@EmbarrassingMama

I don't understand. "Just liked me on old...".

What is this? A dating website? Why are there so many cryptic posts on here today?!

Agree, I’ve literally no idea what the OP is on about. Glad it’s not just me 😂
dworky · 09/08/2021 15:34

@FlorenceWintle

I wouldn’t get involved TBH
Wouldn't you want to know if it were you? I would.
HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 09/08/2021 16:11

[quote InsanityOf2020]@SheWoreYellow i wasnt going to talk to him about who i am etc i was thinking some sort of light chat to find out a bit about what hes up to so i have more "evidence" or i can make a more informed choice about what to do.

[/quote]
Ask your cousin what she thinks you should do.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 09/08/2021 16:14

@HollowTalk

I'd phone your aunt and speak to her. I'd say that you've seen your cousin's husband on a dating site and he'd liked your profile. Ask whether your cousin has separated from him. It's up to her mum then what she does with that information.

Wouldn't he have recognised you?

As for the fake photo, that isn't likely given the name and DOB used.

Why phone the Aunt?! Just phone your cousin. She's a grown woman.
atlastifoundit · 09/08/2021 16:17

Just send a message saying "You look exactly like my cousin's husband".

ScottishNewbie · 09/08/2021 16:31

PLEASE tell her.
Don't let her waste her life with someone doing this. I would be eternally grateful to someone telling me.

AlternativePerspective · 09/08/2021 16:32

The problem with telling the cousin you think her husband’s fb may have been hacked is that it could essentially make things worse.

If it is him, then her telling him that his profile has been hacked and that He needs to do something means he will have more room to gaslight her and to convince her that yes, of course it isn’t his actual profile.

You either need to tell her you’ve seen his picture, personally I wouldn’t and there isn’t a right or wrong answer here, or you need to stay out of it.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 09/08/2021 16:41

Could it be a set up? How stupid would he have to be?

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 16:53

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

Could it be a set up? How stupid would he have to be?
How would it be a set up. I dont know him at all, my cousin and I arent close, who would think this was a good idea for a set up? What would be the goal?
OP posts:
AttaGirrrrl · 09/08/2021 17:28

Please, forget speaking to the aunt or the husband. Give power / information to the person who currently doesn’t have it. Tell the cousin.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 09/08/2021 18:45

@InsanityOf2020
I don’t know maybe revenge from someone who has it out for him? I’m clutching at straws but it just seems so unbelievably stupid to use your daughters name, a photo that is recognisable and like the cousin of your wife. Or could he be doing on purpose to upset his wife?

Original poster
InsanityOf2020 · 09/08/2021 19:41

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor i doubt the liking of me has anyghing to do with anything, we've never met. He wouldnt recognise me as a family member

OP posts:
HealthKick2021 · 09/08/2021 19:46

You should engage him in a conversation about what he's wanting to achieve from online dating. Etc.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/08/2021 19:51

Please talk directly to your cousin rather than your aunt or her husband.

Fieldsofstars · 09/08/2021 19:54

I’d engage in some conversation with him, ask him how long he’s been single, what he’s looking for in a women/ relationship.
Hobbies etc.

See what he says?

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