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Original poster

Help! Who is in the wrong me or my boss!

134 replies

momofone18 · 08/08/2021 19:33

So. I need help. Very long post...

Scared to give all of the details as quite outing but necessary for context.

Worked for a company for 11 months. In that time 3 staff have left. Heard lots of stories about staff retention being generally awful but we are left with a team of 5.

2nd week of being with the company.. boss: oh you live by another colleague can you bring them into work and drop them home? Me eager to please says yes. I have done this every day that we are both in the office which is DRAINING, draining to talk, draining to not be able to call friends as I used to on my commute.

Due to Covid also, cleaner for the office was cancelled. Can we guess who took on the responsibility?

Grew really close with my team, love them so so much but couldn't help but feel the job wasn't for me. I couldn't focus and really didn't enjoy it. I find I am often the motivator of everyone with little input from my boss. She has no idea how her team feels at all.

I started the role on antidepressants and became determined that this would be the year I work on my MH for me and my family. I have been off medication for a number of months.

With this new clarity I decided to look for another job. In this time ANOTHER colleague hands in their notice. In doing so they were offered a pay rise, access to a pool car and to WFH.

I handed my notice in 3 weeks later to be told I am a disappointment for doing so. My reasons of family issues with childcare were null, and it wasn't a good time for my boss or the business. I have been told that despite my colleague being there longer and working 4 weeks notice. I have an 8 week notice and generally the conversation wasn't very pleasant. I left the room stating I would try and see what my new company would accommodate.

HERE IS MY ISSUE.

My contract does show a 2 month notice; for them to give me should they wish to terminate my contract. Further down it states that I am to give them one week.

Everyone I have spoken to says that clearly she is wrong but I don't want to leave leaving a sour taste, I am not a bad person and to say I am anxious about tomorrow's follow up would be an understatement. How do I comprise and how do I make this right? The sense of dread I have had all weekend is awful. I don't want to leave my team in limbo but this is a great opportunity!!

Help!

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 09/08/2021 10:02

The problem is that she knows you’re a people pleaser, so she thinks she can guilt trip you into staying until she finds a replacement. Only she has no intention of finding one. She’s hoping your new employer will say they have no intention of waiting three months for you, and that you’ll have to go back to her with your tail between your legs.

Don’t rise to it. Reference your contract each and every time she tries to lay on the guilt.

Jacopo · 09/08/2021 10:04

Whether she’s in a good mood or a bad mood is not your concern. As everyone has said, you are telling her you are leaving and when - not asking her permission.

CoraPirbright · 09/08/2021 10:10

Damn! I may be too late but I wanted to suggest a sort of switcheroo in your head. You obviously found it upsetting to be told that they were disappointed in you. Well, bollocks to that - YOU should be disappointed in THEM!! Your management bods are total crap and their employee retention is ample evidence of that!!

Good luck with your meeting OP. Stick to your guns! I hope you have a nice little break between this and your new job (well done, btw, landing a new job in this climate!)

Gh0stontoast · 09/08/2021 10:10

If you didn’t send an email yesterday confirming your notice and last day, please do it after your meeting “after our meeting/discussion this morning I wish to confirm that my last day is Friday 13th August, as per my employment contract (then quote exact words and put in italics)”

That’s it, no reasons, no being accommodating, no “finding a reasonable compromise”, nothing!

Summerbreeze4 · 09/08/2021 10:13

@momofone18 Hi op, what happened at your meeting, have you confirmed in writing your notice and last day of working?

NameChange2PostThis · 09/08/2021 10:14

@Gh0stontoast

If you didn’t send an email yesterday confirming your notice and last day, please do it after your meeting “after our meeting/discussion this morning I wish to confirm that my last day is Friday 13th August, as per my employment contract (then quote exact words and put in italics)”

That’s it, no reasons, no being accommodating, no “finding a reasonable compromise”, nothing!

This… except if op hasn’t yet put it in writing, then she is only giving her written notice from today so it would need to be Monday 16th as her last working day.
Gh0stontoast · 09/08/2021 10:33

Well then the date should be from when she handed in her notice originally, but it is always useful to “confirm” or “clarify” stuff to prevent issues at a later date.

Gh0stontoast · 09/08/2021 10:37

Oh and to say that she will be unable to perform “additional” duties such as cleaning the toilets etc.

Original poster
momofone18 · 09/08/2021 10:46

Thank you everyone for the comments! I have just come out of the meeting.

It was a lot calmer than Friday!

Had lots more I am a disappointment but she was VERY shocked to see the contract and said oh my god it's a mistake it's a mistake I need two months!

Told me all off the fabulous things she had done for me 🤥🤔 and asked how much was I willing to work but it needed to be at least a month or two.

I said that I was happy to work a 3 week notice to cover a holiday but after than I owed her no more and that legally my contract states 1 week which she agreed. (Woo)

Also put my big girl pants on and told her that if I am made to feel uncomfortable during that time I will be gone.

By working 3 weeks it takes me to my pay day which is a manual transaction that she has to approve so it ensures I am paid in it's entirety and I won't have to worry financially.

OP posts:
Jacopo · 09/08/2021 10:48

Well done!! Especially about not being made to feel uncomfortable. You’ve got this, OP. You’ll be a star in your next job.

JulesCobb · 09/08/2021 10:49

Did you tell her how her behaviour and attitude has been a disappointment? Dont think i could have resisted.

phishy · 09/08/2021 10:49

Well done OP. Please stop the lifts and cleaning in this time. Will this be ok?

Palava57 · 09/08/2021 10:51

Well done you!
And hoping the new job will be better for you in every way 💐

Gh0stontoast · 09/08/2021 11:06

Yes, no more lifts or cleaning!

Original poster
momofone18 · 09/08/2021 11:07

No lifts, no nothing! I feel very relieved right now.

I tried to not be rude, and but made sure my point came across that she was being unreasonable and if she made me feel uncomfortable then I don't have to work the three weeks.

She tried to basically tell me that what I don't like about this job will be the same in my new job.. did resist the opportunity to tell her I don't think she will be coming with me so I'll be fine 🤫

I think she feels bitter towards me but as one of the girls in the office has just pointed out, 'that sounds like a HER problem, not a YOU problem' which made me laugh!

Annoyed at myself for being such a wet lettuce when normally I am so loud and ready to fight other people's battles 🙄

Lesson learned.

OP posts:
jay55 · 09/08/2021 11:21

Hope your last weeks fly by. Well done for standing up for yourself.

TooWicked · 09/08/2021 11:25

Well done, and remember that after serving your weeks notice you are there as a courtesy to the company/your boss. You are doing her a favour, and she should treat you accordingly.

billy1966 · 09/08/2021 11:38

Well done OP for standing up for yourself.

Let her clean the office.
It is no longer your job.

Don't kill yourself either.

Do your job and nothing more.

Her appalling treatment of you created this situation.

It's astounding how some employers think they are suddenly owed huge loyalty after displaying nothing but dismissive contempt towards an employee who secures another position.

I hope this experience empowers you in your life.Flowers

GU24Mum · 09/08/2021 11:47

Well done!

Just make sure that you follow up in writing and confirm that the contractual notice end on X but that "as a gesture of goodwill" you have offered to work until Y on your same pay - can she just confirm that you will be paid up to Y date when you leave.

If she won't confirm, I'd go at the end of your contractual notice. You don't want to work an extra few weeks unpaid.

billy1966 · 09/08/2021 11:50

@GU24Mum

Well done!

Just make sure that you follow up in writing and confirm that the contractual notice end on X but that "as a gesture of goodwill" you have offered to work until Y on your same pay - can she just confirm that you will be paid up to Y date when you leave.

If she won't confirm, I'd go at the end of your contractual notice. You don't want to work an extra few weeks unpaid.

Very good point.

Confirm in writing.

Elouera · 09/08/2021 11:58

Thanks for the update. I'm am convinced this is my old boss!

My notice was 1mth, but she wrongly assumed it was 3mths! My boss would actively avoid being in the same room as me once I'd resigned, would get colleagues to tell me things instead and never said goodbye. I hated the job, but was actually leaving to care for someone needing palliative care- which they were aware of!

Do check what your final pay should be, including any holidays owning and any issues, speak to ACAS.

Newestname001 · 09/08/2021 15:14

@momofone18

Also put my big girl pants on and told her that if I am made to feel uncomfortable during that time I will be gone.

Well done you!!! I'd have loved to see her face when she realised you had her over barrel, due to your confirmed, written, legal contract!!

Also I've often found its easier to support other people than myself and I've had to, mentally, call on my inner warrior to get me over the line. That works for lots of things - not just in this situation.

I also agree with @GU24Mum's suggestion to follow up your verbal agreement in writing.

I really think you'll do well in your next role - what chutzpah!! congratulations! 🌹

PizzaCrust · 09/08/2021 15:25

Glad to see the update and you’ve put her politely, yet firmly, in her place. She’s just panicking because she simply hasn’t got a back up plan, and that’s on her. I’m embarrassed for her that she’s wittering on about being “disappointed”. Imagine being such a piss poor manager the only skill set you have, other than making people want to leave their jobs, of course, is by trying to guilt staff into staying. It’s quite tragic.

I agree with PPs, too. Do your job and nothing else. The three weeks will fly by. I bet you’re so excited for your new role!

Elmrosie · 09/08/2021 16:31

Great result and well done OP. Note of caution though - be very wary of any stupid games about your pay. If she has to approve this manually, what protection do you have if she 'forgets' or is 'too busy, thanks to you'. I'm a nasty cynic, I know.

Original poster
momofone18 · 09/08/2021 20:21

A very good point about pay, no real protection, we have no HR but as I am now in on pay day at least I can try and leave with the printer and a computer if she refuses to pay 🤔 I've watched too many episodes of 'can't pay we'll take it away'.

I am just glad it is over with. 3 weeks and counting until I am free. Bring on the gin! 😫

OP posts:
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