To think this is CF expectation

[Habber]

Backstory is my kids DF (my ex) was a bit crap, had them once a week for 1 night, never took a day off if they were sick (even though he worked closer to school than I did) rarely helped with childcare during school holidays, never helped pay for any childcare while we both worked and gave bare minimum child support. His family never helped with kids and if he did ever take them on holiday in summer it was always in term time which was no help at all in terms of 6 week summer holidays.

Now he has a child under 5 and expects our older kids (over 16) to be his free childcare for their sibling all day during the holidays. Neither of my kids drive yet so there is a lot of back and forth with picking them up and dropping off. One of my children chose to say no thanks to it this year and under pressure from ex and older child has now given in. I was dragged into it when one of my kids was pressuring the other one to agree and now they aren’t speaking to me because I said he was being a CF.

AIBU to think you book your own paid for childcare like the rest of working parents have to? Just because you are family doesn’t mean they must babysit for you to save money?

@Catflapkitkat

Have you thought about showing your daughter this thread

That would be most unwise.

I would be very clear with them that I was surprised that they want to spend their whole holidays doing unpaid childcare for a man who had no interest in providing any for them when they were little, but if that’s what they choose-then they can liaise directly with their dad about transport for it.

What do you suppose they would say to that?

I think you need to focus on stopping your eldest bullying the youngest.

It’s simply not acceptable that she does that.

Hopefully by learning that from you she’ll realise that the same thing is happening to her by her father.

I may have missed this but where is the other parent of the under 5 child?

What is her take on this?

Are your daughters missing out on other paid work to look after their half sibling?

You’ve been put into a difficult decision and your children into an even harder one.

A united front may well produce a better more amicable solution.

Are taxis an option to collect and return your daughters - paid for by your ex. ( that is if they are going to do the caring )

Once they do it this summer then its going to be every holiday.

All the best with this.

*I may have missed this but where is the other parent of the under 5 child?

What is her take on this?

Are your daughters missing out on other paid work to look after their half sibling?

You’ve been put into a difficult decision and your children into an even harder one.

A united front may well produce a better more amicable solution.

Are taxis an option to collect and return your daughters - paid for by your ex. ( that is if they are going to do the caring )

Once they do it this summer then its going to be every holiday.

All the best with this.*

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The OP has posted that both parents of the 5yo work full time, hence the need for holiday childcare.

This isn't the first time they've been asked to do this.

The catalyst(s) this time is the younger of the OP's children not wanting to do this any more and the elder not wanting to stay overnight at her fathers during the week (in addition to weekend visits) hence requiring her mum to drop off/pick up.

I don’t know what step mum thinks, I assume she thinks it’s ok. I like her and kids like her but I imagine that him being a massive tight wad means she also worries about spending money. The child would have a nicer time in a club with same age kids than stuck indoors with stressed out teenagers, they are not allowed to take the kid out because apparently they are too naughty (what they always say) and stepmum just as bad sometimes when I have gone to pick up my kids the child is just being a normal child and they will always say something about the child bad behaviour. Ex likes to wind kids up and tease them then laughs when they cry, surely this must piss her off but she’s still with him

I doesn't really matter what she thinks.

You're spot on about the child - they would be much better off at a holiday club, socialising with children their own age and engaging in structured play.

It's so sad that his desire to save money is to the detriment of all 3 of his children.