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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how driving changed your life?

129 replies

NotSure1542 · 08/08/2021 12:42

I am currently in the process of learning to drive with great difficulty. I really dislike learning to drive (my instructor is fab, just dread lessons). I’ve failed about four times now and it just gets more heartbreaking each time the examiner tells me I’ve failed. It really is soul destroying (for me, anyway). I live somewhere with very good public transport and my husband drives me around if needs be.

I would love to hear stories about how driving changed your life despite hating learning to drive and failing loads! Thanks

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 08/08/2021 12:54

Freedom, being able to set off and leave somewhere on my schedule rather than be restricted by public transport times or lifts from someone else. This is probably the biggest one for me.

Money - my car is economical so fuel goes quite far for the money, especially compared to train tickets for long journeys etc. A lot of my friends live in different places so I used to have to shell out nearly £100 a pop (or over) to go visit them. And then travelling back on a Sunday there would likely be a bus replace my service or similar.

Access to different areas - there are a lot of places in the U.K. that don’t have good transport links (especially rurally etc). It’s really come in handy for staying in holiday accom off the beaten track, or going to wedding venues in rural areas etc.

Space - not being restricted to what I can carry on a train. I can just chuck what I need in the back of the car. Also great for things like doing the big shop, being able to collect items I’ve bought on Facebook marketplace etc.

Best of luck. I found it very hard going too but I got there in the end. It’s made my life a lot easier.

SimonJT · 08/08/2021 12:55

It emptied my bank account fairly swiftly.

Doightastic · 08/08/2021 12:58

I have been driving for almost 20 years now and way before I had the kids. Get in the car and go anywhere before the kids. Now I have 3 kids, I get in the car and go anywhere with them!

Original poster

NotSure1542 · 08/08/2021 13:02

Thanks for the words. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks

OP posts:

DinosaurDiana · 08/08/2021 13:04

Keep going. I passed on my fifth attempt.
It wasn’t my driving that was the problem, it was my nerves on test day.
Don’t give up, you’ll get there.

RickJames · 08/08/2021 13:07

I passed 4th!! time as a rural 18yrold. It opened up the whole world to me, independence and going to nightclubs around the country. It was brilliant.

I was given an old British Leyland mini and got 5£ weekly allowance for fuel at the village petrol station from my parents- shows you how long ago it was

I had a similar experience re-learning to drive in Europe. At first I couldn't handle it but I stuck in and now I know I can drive to different work sites and take DS out. I am in love with the autobahn.

Stick in, it's worth it!

nancydroo · 08/08/2021 13:09

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Passed after several goes and just made me happier and more in control of my life. I really enjoy driving. Keep at it. Only downside put on a lot of weight as I don't think to walk anywhere

alltheemptyfields · 08/08/2021 13:10

The lockdown without a car must have been horrendous.

No public transport - or trying to avoid them, not being able to zoom in a few shops to find whatever was missing that week, not being able to go for a "daily exercise" a bit different than your immediate neighbourhood..

Depending on a system or other people is not sustainable.

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 08/08/2021 13:12

Well, it wont help you as you have a husband but I had a car at University. (Spoiled brats R Us, I know!) and it was taking a fellow student home (he lives with parents in the suburbs) after late night sessions (I wasn’t a drinker in those days) that meant we got together romantically- sitting side by side in a dark car! We have now been married for over 40 years

OrangeBananaFish · 08/08/2021 13:12

I didn't realise it at the time of passing my test. But the fact that I can drive means I can live in a much nicer area now.

However, part of me really wishes I couldn't drive as I hate it so much. Then I do think that we'd still be living in the rough area we used to live in and one of the best things we ever did was move to where we are now.

thisismyhill · 08/08/2021 13:13

I changed my job to one that involves driving and I now work much less hours for much more pay. I should say I didnt pass my test till I was 30 and it was literally a case of if I don't pass it now I'm never driving.

Also as others have said I can just nip out in the car whenever I want and take the kids out. My mum doesn't drive and I remember my dad being seriously ill in hospital and having to rely on public transport it was a nightmare so another reason to drive.

TheatricalGiraffe · 08/08/2021 13:15

For me it's;

-being able to leave on my own schedule or if we're in a long journey saying "oooh this is nearby shall we take a slight detour"..
-It helps if theres an emergency you can just get in the car and go straight away rather than waiting for someone else to be available or waiting for a bus
-You have a bit more room (obviously depending on the size of the car) so if you go somewhere and buy more than you thought you can chuck it in the car and forget about it. Likewise if something is heavier than expected you don't have the restriction of trying to carry it on buses/trains.
-My car takes me to my exact location..I know it sounds weird but unless you live right next to a train/bus stop then you'll almost certainly either have to walk for a bit or change buses mid journey.. not an issue when it's nice weather...last thing you want to do when its pouring down with rain and you've got armfuls of stuff to carry.
-You can make a detour if needed..if you're on a delayed/cancelled train you just have to sit and wait...at least driving you can try and find a way around
-You can visit more rural areas that aren't as easily accessible by public transport
-Even if you pass and never drive again it's a good form of ID without taking your passport everywhere

It's just so much easier all round and gives so much independence.. if you're struggling have you tried Automatic? that could be a good option for you!

Monday26July · 08/08/2021 13:15

It bought me time and freedom.

All of that wasted time stood at a bus stop waiting for a late bus, stood waiting for a taxi driver, throughout the years.

When you can drive you’re the boss of you! You can decide when to set off and where to go.

It’s an expensive process but you buy yourself so much more time in your day. There are trips I make back to my hometown 60 miles away that take an hour each way: via public transport I’d have to stay over as it would take the entire day to get there. I see friends more frequently, have more options, can decide where I want to eat out based on what I fancy instead of where I can get to.

No taking advantage of friends by always being picked up and dropped off by them (not that I allowed that, but I see lots of non drivers do it). And it opens up many employment opportunities, jobs that require you to be able to drive.

Polkadotties · 08/08/2021 13:16

The freedom being able to go where you want, when you want. Even if you live somewhere with very good public transport you can’t compare it.

mistermagpie · 08/08/2021 13:28

I hate driving. Well, actually I quite like driving as an activity but I hate other cars!

I passed 4th time and didn't drive again for about 15 years due to a phobia I developed when a friend of my hit a pedestrian and killed them.

However, when I had my second child I just knew I had to conquer it somehow. It took a long time and a lot of anxiety but I got my first car 4 years ago and now I drive regularly.

We also live somewhere with great transport and my DH loves driving and doesn't drink so is happy to drive me around, but honestly, having my own car has changed my life. I love that I can just pop out and don't have to worry about buying too much and having to get it home on the bus, or take the kids out without all the faff. I can drive to work without having to worry about bus times or the weather and it just gives me a sense of freedom.

I will say, I've driven for four years and still haven't been on a motorway and maybe never will, but my phobia was so crippling that I never ever thought I would get this far, not in a million years. The biggest change for me has been to my self esteem, there is something really uplifting about overcoming something you find hard or are afraid of and that's something I didn't really consider.

Do it, I know how hard it is, but I promise it's worth it.

BrushMySmush · 08/08/2021 13:31

Freedom for sure, we get to go out of our area, we go to the beach on a whim, to a random country pub for dinner, literally anywhere. We used to live in SE London and going out of the area was so nice, could do it on a train but not as easily.

Keep going you CAN do it, it is worth it!

DeePlume · 08/08/2021 13:33

I started after a long break in 2019 after my husband left me. It is the best thing I've ever done for myself! I love being able to drive and am angry with myself for not doing it properly before. I passed on my 6th test! Changing to automatic was a game changer for me!

Kitkat05 · 08/08/2021 13:42

Hi OP. Keep going! My sister passed on her 9th go! Being able to drive anytime without relying on other public transport and people feels amazing!

MNHQ

ClaraMumsnet · 08/08/2021 13:48

I failed 5 times so I've got one on you! I've been driving for two years now and I'm a very confident driver. It's completely changed my life - even things like getting the shopping done is so much easier. We've been on little holidays in parts of the country not accessible by public transport. In terms of motorways, I was very scared of them at first and did a couple of runs during quiet hours when I passed my test so I could get used to them. I actually prefer motorway driving now as it's just pointing your car in the right direction and keeping your wits about you.

Don't give up, it is so worth it!

LittleRedPill · 08/08/2021 13:48

Keep going OP. It’ll change your life.

I adore the freedom. When I was younger I used to drive if I was going out (I didn’t drink). No worrying about getting a taxi or hanging around for other people. When I’d had enough, I could just leave.

Now I have kids, we can go anywhere we want. Fancy a day at the beach? No probs - off we go! Visiting some friends a couple of hours away? Why not?

I couldn’t do my current job without being able to drive. It’s only 10 miles away from my house but public transport would take hours. So I have so many more options than I would if I didn’t drive.

BlueLobelia · 08/08/2021 13:49

@Doightastic

I have been driving for almost 20 years now and way before I had the kids. Get in the car and go anywhere before the kids. Now I have 3 kids, I get in the car and go anywhere with them!

This! I love having freedom and flexibility. I love being able to hire cars when we are abroad and having freedom and flexibility. :)

TheGoogleMum · 08/08/2021 13:55

It took me 5 attempts, I reckon those of us that take more tests end up better drivers in the long run ;)
It made my commute massively easier, I'm glad I did it before having DD as it as much easier to take her places. Also shopping is so much easier! Stick with it :) I now do most the driving even though DH passed before I did. I prefer being in control!

Nohomemadecandles · 08/08/2021 13:56

You're not dependent on your DH. That's reason enough! For both your sakes!

Nohomemadecandles · 08/08/2021 13:57

I failed 3 times and I hated lessons too but the alternative is worse. Keep going!

SoupDragon · 08/08/2021 13:58

It didn't change my life because I learnt at 17 but my life now would have been so much more difficult if I couldn't drive. Going on holiday, ferrying children about, visiting family... all would have been a nightmare if I didn't drive.

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