To ask how driving changed your life?

[NotSure1542]

I am currently in the process of learning to drive with great difficulty. I really dislike learning to drive (my instructor is fab, just dread lessons). I’ve failed about four times now and it just gets more heartbreaking each time the examiner tells me I’ve failed. It really is soul destroying (for me, anyway). I live somewhere with very good public transport and my husband drives me around if needs be.

I would love to hear stories about how driving changed your life despite hating learning to drive and failing loads! Thanks

Madison, it's with checking with the instructor. I'm taking lessons with an instructor who is part of a national chain. Masks were compulsory when I started but haven't been since July. I will have to wear one for the test.

@5ohthejoy21 I would give it a go!

I passed my test when I was 18 and my life was transformed. I lived in a really cut off area in Kent where the towns and villages were spread out with lots of farmland in between (ie the towns didn't segue into one another). It was so hard and so expensive to get around and have any type of social life and get home quickly and safely.

After uni I got a job in my dream career but the job was based in a rural location. I'd not have been able to accept if I couldn't drive. The job also involved a fair bit of driving.

When I had kids it was a godsend. Doctor appointments, dropping off at childminders, both kids doing different Saturday morning activities meaning husband and I BOTH needed to be driving off in different directions ...

Now working from home but needing to have various medical appointments. I can literally just jump in my car and be there and back in an hour or so and call it my "lunch break". If I was struggling across town on buses it would mean using half a day of annual leave.

I now can't imagine not being able to drive even though I live in a busy town and I do walk a lot. It's so freeing. I would hate relying on my husband to drive me around.

We're going on holiday to Scotland in a couple of weeks and sharing the driving. I don't think either of us could face the journey otherwise.

Good luck OP.

@VelvetSpoon

As I sat in traffic for over a hour on the M6 yesterday (thanks bridge repairs!) I was still so happy I can drive and passed my test. I didn't pass til mid 40s, and 5 years on I can honestly say it's one of the best things I've ever done.

The freedom, the independence, not being beholden to others for lifts or reliant on public transport. The only regret I have is not doing it 20 years earlier.

This gives me hope! I'm currently mid 40's and trying to learn to drive... I hate it and feel like I'll never get there.

[quote Bigdrivingfeartie]@mistermagpie

I’m sorry for derailing but can I ask how you did this please?

I’m in a similar position and am dithering about how best I tackle it.

Refreshers, an intense course or just get a car and a reliable companion?

I am now worried that my fear will make me a hazard. I’ve never enjoyed it. But as time marches on and with various responsibilities, my time of keeping my head in the sand is running out.

Thank you for any advice you can give.[/quote]
I probably should have got refresher lessons, but I didn't because I hated lessons almost as much as I hated driving!

I went full on and bought (leased actually) a brand new car. I looked at every single car, dimensions and features and all that and found the smallest possible car I could find that would fit my car seats and everything I needed. I literally took the kids car seats to the showroom and tried them out. I really really wanted a small car with a sat nav, that was basically my criteria.

My husband is an incredibly patient man and a good teacher (he's a swimming instructor alongside his actual job) so I got him to come out with me at first. We literally went to local industrial estates and things for weeks before I was confident enough for the roads. Then I picked three routes - one to the big supermarket, one to the kids nursery and one to work and I practiced them every time I could. I looked at the routes on google street view a lot too, even though I was familiar with them in the first place and still do that if I'm going somewhere new.

Also, I made myself drive every single day. I would actually have the runs before I went out and would be shaking like a leaf after, this went on for a while if I'm honest but now I get in the car and drive without giving it any thought.

Anxiety is very real but I'm so glad I pushed through. I'll never be the most confident driver but that's fine, I'm safe and I get myself where I need to be and I never ever thought that would be the case.

I still hate parking and will park further away from places if it makes it easier. This is no problem for me at all and I'm happy to do it.

I read a lot about driving anxiety and phobia and one piece of advice was about visualisation - so pick a route, visualise yourself driving it over and over again. Really focus every tiny thing, looking in the mirror, changing gear, your surroundings etc and keep doing it until you feel you know that route by heart. It really helped calm me.

The main thing I tell myself when I get anxious now, going to a new place etc, is that it's ok to stop. Pull over safely, collect yourself and take a few breaths. Check the route again on the sat nav or your phone, make sure you're calm and carry on.

Also I'm actually more confident when I'm alone in the car. I feel like I can concentrate better and am not distracted by my DH or the kids.

Not me but my son. He’s been offered a great apprenticeship that’s about a 35 min easy drive away but due to location would take 3 different trains with 2 train companies, up to 2 hours. He passed his test in July so it’s enabled him to take that opportunity

I didn't bother taking my test until I was 22 and to be honest it didn't change my life.

Like you I live somewhere with good public transport, and I found that a bike met my needs for getting directly from A to B on my own schedule - with panniers or occasionally a trailer for larger loads.

I did acquire a small van when I went self employed because it meant I was having to shift far more kit than I could shift on a bike, even with a trailer or cargo bike. I'd still get rid of it if I had a regular job though - it hasn't half made me lazy and I've put on a stone since getting the car

mistermagpie

Thank you so much for taking the time to post. What you say about the anxiety, parking, etc really resonates and I think I am very similar in that respect.

Just even talking about driving sends my heart racing and yes, I’ve had a nervous belly too.

I have a lovely acquaintance who has offered to take me out as often as I need. Ex-polis and used to driving in all sorts. He will be steady.

I’m still dithering about going automatic and so wonder if a short conversion course would benefit. Everyone here has said it might be better for me - I’m not sure.

I know I have to do it - my folks and sibling are getting worse as the years go by and driving will make everything easier. I still work full time and it would help the ‘carer’ part of my life immensely.

Thankfully I have the means to get a car and would do something very similar to you size wise!

I’m proud of you (even though I don’t know you) as I know what you have overcome.

I’ve name changed for this as I’m stupidly ashamed that I feel this way. I’m a hard nosed bomb proof person for so many things in my life. Just not this. If I manage to do this and I see you around - I will let you know.

Thank you again. 🌟 🚗 🌻

I live rurally. It's a 40 minute drive to a train station. When I passed my test, I lived 20 minutes walk from a bus stop. Driving gave me a social life and freedom which was impossible otherwise.

Thank you everyone. I really am overwhelmed with the responses. I was expecting people to tell me to give up as I felt so close to giving up. What a lovely thread. Really changed my perspective on driving.

I have my driving test booked for Friday and was so close to just cancelling it after my diabolical lesson yesterday (hence the post) but I’m more determined to do it next week after reading these posts! DH and I went for a drive down a few test routes this morning and he was impressed. Thank you all again.

When I was at junior school back in the 60s/70s, my mum was pretty much the only mum who drove out of my schoolfriends and it made our lives so much easier - saved time, saved us getting wet on really rainy days, it meant that she could work a night shift much more safely than walking or getting public transport.

So I did an under 17's driving course, started official driving lessons on my 17th birthday and passed within 6 months (I could only afford lessons every 2 weeks as I was paying for them with my Saturday job earnings).
It was over a year before I could afford my own car but even just having a full driving licence was really useful - I got a temp job in the summer holidays driving a small van, driving my mates home when I was the only one not drinking etc.|
And then the full freedom came when I got my own car.
No more waiting for buses or trains, I could go where I wanted when I wanted.
It really will change your life so good luck and hopefully you pass soon !

@mistermagpie
I have driving anxiety too, and I'm worse when I'm in the car on my own.

Good to read that I'm not alone, and I will try to follow your words of wisdom too, instead of thinking of myself as stupid for being anxious.

It is bloody hard though- but 2 driving instructors have told me that I drive just fine. I just need to believe it.

Good luck @NotSure1542. You can do this. If I can, anyone can! 😄

I failed 3 times but it’s a great feeling when you pass. I love having the freedom to just up and go somewhere and we can go anywhere we want. Some friends went to the highlands and put pictures on Facebook and another friend said ‘can you get there by bus as I’d like to take the kids’. The area they were in was off the beaten track do not really accessible by public transport. I like getting my supermarket shop and being able to get it home easily. I can take my pick of which shop I want to go to and if they don’t have any of the items I want I can pick my own alternative.

Freedom definitely! I could just get in my car and go anywhere I wanted when I wanted.

I grew up around good public transport and then lived in london before moving overseas where everything was so spread out, you really needed to drive to live there. I don’t think I would have learnt if I hadn’t have moved there but I was so happy once I did. I did loads of driving and travelling around.

Examples of how driving has benefitted me:
DD injured herself, I was able to rush her to hospital faster than it would have taken to wait for an ambulance
Got a call my DF was dying, he had a DNR, my mum had brought him back once but paramedics were refusing to do it if his heart stopped again. I was able to jump in the car and get to the hospital quickly. I had 3 young DCs at the time and if I had had to wait for DH and then I would have been longer. As it was I was literally 2 mins too late.
My mum was in a car accident with my DD in the car, the other driver was screaming at her while her, my DD and DN were crying in the car, I was able to jump in my car and get to them quickly.
Driving allowed me to spend very rare one on one time with my DF when he was terminally ill as it meant I could driving places.
School runs - being able to collect DCs when sick.
Travel to places I wouldn’t have thought about as public transport was too hard.

I think my mum past her test on the 4 or 5th time. My grandmother was 10times, she was in her 60s when she finally did it. She was an exceptional case though, she had a bit of a road rage problem and I think in the end they passed her because they were worried she was going to drive a car into the testing centre 😬

I hated the thought of learning, And only when I had trouble getting to a funeral and family getting arsey I was asking for a lift I thought stuff it and started learning. It terrified me, I wasnt a natural but I stuck with it.

How has my life changed.... I was able to get a new job it would have been impossible to get to on public transport. And because of that we have been able to afford to move to a bigger nicer house.
I've been able to start a new hobby, making friends I didn't have before.
We could apply for better schools which kids couldn't have got to on public transport.

Life is just so much easier...keep going and you will get it x

I love having my own car & have not used public transport for 3 years as personally I can't abide it!
Freedom when you have your own car. Get to listen to my music. No waiting round for buses. If I go shopping then no waiting for a taxi to go home. Bluetooth in car so talk to friends & family on the go! Responsible for myself & where I want to go. My job requires a fair bit of travel which would take on average 3 times as long on public transport. Driving gives me freedom & choice.
I'm the first to admit I struggle to understand a couple of my friends who don't fancy learning to drive despite the fact that they would be capable of learning. I don't date non drivers as my dad doesn't drive & I am put off by all the running around my mum has done over the years as a result .

Took me years to learn, didn't pass my test until I was in my 30s. Gave me utter freedom, no longer dependent upon my husband for lifts or on public transport.
It meant I could arrange for babysitters and go out in the evenings, before that it was always me who stayed in. I went out to evening classes, met new people, had a social life.
It meant I could retrain and eventually have a job, before learning to drive I was a SAHM simply because we lived rurally and there was no transport.
Going out to work was an eye opener, I learned so much, earned my own money, could buy things for the children without asking my DH for cash (which he wouldn't provide), could have my own bank account for the first time instead of (limited) access to the joint account.
Years later we divorced. Driving meant I could manage on my own, relocate, take the children to university....do so many things. It literally changed the course of my life....

You will pass eventually. Don't give up, just resign yourself to keep going and suddenly it will happen. It really is worth it, I promise. Good luck!

I passed 13th time OP (I'm not a bad driver I just have test anxiety and go to pieces) I'm glad I kept going though.

I had hypnotherapy to conquer my anxiety between my 12th and 13th attempt, on the advice of my driving instructor and it made a massive difference, ending up with only 2 minor faults.

Keep going, it really does make your life easier, especially if you have children.

It took me many years to learn to drive, and I still hate it, but it’s worth it.

It used to take me two hours to get home from work with bus connections, twenty minutes in the car.

One of my favourite things is the amount of things I can cart around for a day out. I used to hesitate about taking a picnic to places, thinking about all the drinks and bags I’d have to carry around all day, but knowing I can just pop to the car completely gets rid of that thought.

Getting from work to nursery to after school club to after school activities would have been completely impossible without driving and I don’t know how I’d have managed if I hadn’t passed.

I had no choice, I absolutely HAD to pass my test first time as I had so little money at the time, and needed to drive so badly, that I couldn't afford both the transport fees into London to visit my relative each week (my dad had died and she had been admitted to a nursing home and had no other family, it took me a two hour coach ride there, and three train transfers just to reach her). After passing my test (I was shaking so badly with anxiety and nerves my foot shook off the clutch and I stalled before I'd even left the test centre), holy cow, the FREEDOM from public transport was beyond belief. No more getting soaking wet waiting for rammed late trains and buses, no more hours and hours to do what was now only an hour and a half drive. I treasure my license.

FREEDOM
Go where I want. Take who I want. Leave when I want. Never dependent on anyone else.
Kept me safe a couple of times also: was able to quickly exit two different situations I sensed were going pearshaped

@Bigdrivingfeartie
I know exactly how you feel.
I have experienced horrendous driving anxiety past couple of years during Learning to drive and subsequently passing my test and driving
(See my post on page 2 or 3 of this thread).
After reading this thread I really need to get my shit together .
The overwhelming response on this thread is that driving is positive!!
I'm probably only one if a few that is negative!

I really, really want to love driving and get the most out of it
I don't feel that I do. I have a few routes like supermarkets/ school(normally walk, but occasionally drive) etc and I'd say I feel pretty much okay with this as a rule.

I will park in easy places and dont do anything too challenging. Supermarkets I will park right in a empty bit. I realise I really need to practice manoeuvres as embarrassingly I cant remember how I was taught to reverse bay park or parallel park.

I have improved though, as a year ago I literally was terrified of every journey.

The main thing now, apart from manoeuvres is branching out.
DC are obviously off a school and have a few things arranged with friends
This is a big fear as mums will say oh how about the zoo for example next Tues ? They have all driven for years and dont know as a person. This will fill me with anxiety to do a 15 mile drive to somewhere I've never been. Then there's parking etc

I could never tell them as im older than most of them so they probably think I have been driving for years. And I dont want to highlight my nerves either so I just say yeah fine!!
So far I've avoided meet ups,but I dont want to!! But the stress is too much.

@mistermagpie
I too bought the smallest car that I could, newish so it wouldnt break down..sat navigation

(Not that any of this has helped me ha ha)
I've never been on a motorway and I honestly cant see this ever happening now
Ive got too many basic things to overcome

I think being able to drive is so, so important.
My sister doesn't drive. She has 2 kids now. She relies on family members to take them here there and everywhere. She never goes on days outs or holidays. Has to pay lots extra for food to and take aways to be delivered. If you don't rely on others and you don't want to drive then that's absolutely fine. But when you do rely on others I think it's incredibly selfish