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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

886 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:52

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

OP posts:
Mrssheppard18 · 09/08/2021 17:28

Beat me up 3 days after my c section whilst I was in hospital, does that count?

He was my baby’s dad.

johnp1937 · 09/08/2021 17:30

When my father first saw me he said "Looks like a monkey." He was never allowed to forget it fr seventy years,

bumptobean · 09/08/2021 17:30

My mum was angry I told her 2 hours after the baby was born, that the baby was born. We were both very ill, baby had sepsis and was my husband stayed with the baby whilst I was being treated for 2 litre blood loss and sepsis myself. We told her as soon as we had a second to be on our phone. I told her the baby has sepsis and very ill and because she was so angry she said ‘ok’. Also found out she sent the photo I sent to her round to the whole family before I could announce the birth. Never forgiven her to this day for what she did

Mummabear89 · 09/08/2021 17:31

Not newborn but my SIL almost drowned my son when he was under 1 year old. He used to adore baths. After this incident he was traumatised and would all hell would break loose if we tried to bath him. He's only just started willingly having baths but still refuses to get his head wet and he's 5 this year. The worst part was I was at work when it happened so I found out via a message from my husband during my break at work. No one has been allowed to bath our newest addition as he goes in the bath with me.

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 09/08/2021 17:31

@Onlyme I’d have replied just as loudly I’ve just had my insides taken out. What’s your excuse? People are like that are only good for cutting out of your life. This comment made me so mad 😡

Fluffmum · 09/08/2021 17:32

My ds being nursed by my dh gran whilst she smoked a fag in a cigarette holder. She was ancient I was petrified she was going to flick ash on him. The worse thing was that dh family didn’t have a problem with this ! Grin

Bigx · 09/08/2021 17:32

Posted it on Facebook despite being told not to!
Told my newborn son to shut up, he was just making baby noises.
Told me to suck it up and deal with it when I had PND

Cryingwithlaughter91 · 09/08/2021 17:33

Total stranger (sat at table next to us) picked up my ds (then 1yr old) out of his high chair and put him on her lap.

I said give me back my child this instant, she said ‘What am I doing wrong’?!

🤯🤯🤯

That was 9 years ago, still baffles me when I think about it!

Tink191087 · 09/08/2021 17:33

My partner and me had just had our 1st child together he invited his ex over the same day with there 2 children he was very excited being his 1 ds! She walked in took the baby sat on the chair where he was sat on the arm and made it look like the perfect family photo using my son! Luckily my best friend came over saw the situation and grabbed the baby and brought him back to me

LunaBunaTuna · 09/08/2021 17:34

I have two incidents that stick out in my mind, nothing as bad as many of these but still upsetting.

First was DS was about 6 months old and we were out with other mums and babies. An elderly lady was admiring our children and asking if we’d have any more. As DS’s birth had been traumatic and I nearly died, I said that no, I wasn’t planning on having any more children. Her reply? “But you can’t just have one. What if he dies?” Not being royalty, I don’t ‘need’ a spare and I wasn’t prepared to risk another pregnancy, especially as we had been told we were unlikely to ever have children so I was grateful to have him.

Overheard one mum say to another one in our local park “I couldn’t cope with a child with hair that colour”. He’s a ginger, more gold than red when he was younger, IYSWIM. Either way, it was really thoughtless of her and luckily DS didn’t hear her. I just glared at her and we left the park. She ran after me to apologise but at the time I was too upset to tell her what a bitch she was. She wouldn’t get off so lightly these days as have grown a backbone!

TinyTroubleMaker · 09/08/2021 17:34

Still drugged on the post natural ward, I tried to sit up and get out of bed, didn't realise I had a catheter, noone had told me. Ended with blood and urine spillage. The midwife who came to sort it out threatened to punch me if I did it again.

Was discharged to home address after 10 days in hospital, not feeling great and got worse. Was on my own. Visiting midwife figured out I had an infected c section wound and told me to go to local maternity triage, much closer than the place I'd had dd as I'd moved house mid pregnancy. First the triage centre told me not to come and I could only be seen at the first hospital. I did what visiting midwife said and turned up anyway. With DD. They made me wait hours, until everyone else was seen and the cleaners were closing down at night. Then put me in a cubicle and talked loudly immediately on the other side of the curtain about how I shouldn't be there, deliberately so I could hear every word, to make me feel as unwelcome as possible.

My pre natural midwife was lovely, but a lot of the ones I met post natal were absolutely horrible.

Franacropan1 · 09/08/2021 17:34

When my neighbour first saw my baby she declared, oh she's all skin and bones. She's been called bones ever since. She's 30 now.

fuckoffImcounting · 09/08/2021 17:35

Just after I gave birth (cord round the neck - major panic), my midwife told me I had spots on my back.

HideousKinky · 09/08/2021 17:35

Some truly dreadful stories here - I especially feel angry for those of you bullied over breastfeeding as it is such a lovely thing if you get adequate support and it works out.

My experience quite tame by comparison but it upset me and I've never forgotten it:

We visited my Dad & his wife 17 days after the birth of DD3. My stepmother (who had never had a baby) waited until my DH and my Dad were both out of the room and then said, "You used to be such a slim girl Hideous - what happened to you?"

I felt really upset & humiliated and cried about it later on the way home. If I was the me I am now, 26 years later, I'd have said breezily, "I've just pushed a baby out of my vagina less than 3 weeks ago - perhaps you weren't aware?" or something similar

wiccamum · 09/08/2021 17:36

OMG some of these are horrendous!
I remember before dd was born my dm said she wouldn’t come and visit straight away as I needed to “recover from the trauma” of giving birth- first baby btw, thanks dm.
After a relatively non traumatic birth I ended up with pre eclampsia and was in ITU for a few days. Got home eventually and was promptly told off by dm for not getting df a birthday card (what with me being unconscious on his birthday and not having the time to get one before as labour got in the way) No, I did not get him a card but I did give birth to his first grandchild so, you know I think that will do 🙄

wiccamum · 09/08/2021 17:38

@HideousKinky what a cow! Have these 💐
Can’t stand body shaming and breast feeding shaming.

jenkel · 09/08/2021 17:38

We live a couple of hours away from family, first baby and as I went into hospital mil, , mum and sil all come up to our house and stayed the night. When dh bought me home they had plastered the photos that dh took of me and baby just after dd was. born all over the front windows of the house with a new baby banner, I got out of the car, clocked the photos and smiling from ear to ear heavily whispered under my breath to dh to get the photos down now. He was unaware they had done that and they had done it as he went to collect me. Also they all stayed 3 nights, I was exhausted , they were great during the day but when dd was up all night screaming none of them offered any help or support at all. When dd 2 we put our foot down and said no overnight visitors for 2 weeks,

bumptobean · 09/08/2021 17:40

Also, not a new baby as such but whilst miscarrying I informed my father what was happening. His first question was ‘did you plan for it?’ and before I could answer he said ‘maybe it was for the best’… we was newly married, in our own home with DC1 already. Still haven’t got over that either

Harmonypuss · 09/08/2021 17:43

My issue was actually before my eldest was born.
I was visiting my mum and my aunt and uncle turned up. My aunt who didn't like dogs knew that I had 2 German Shepherds and told me "when that baby is born those awful dogs have to be destroyed!".
I didn't mean what I said to her but was sick of her passive aggressive comments and went for shock value by saying "the dogs were here first, so if anything will be 'got rid of' it'll be the baby not the dogs". She soon shut her trap!

Wexone · 09/08/2021 17:45

@Pasithea Thanks for your comment. I actually just realized that this is being to me. I have offered numerous times to babysit etc, but yet i am loved when i buy nice presents. Often get comments like only people with children will know

AJB3001 · 09/08/2021 17:45

DH ex sent her daughter to our house the day after my child was born while she had a virus and oral thrush and didn't tell us until she was already here and had already been holding and cuddling and kissing her new brother....I was breastfeeding and he caught thrush which spread to my boobies. Son couldn't feed properly, my chest was on fire and like boulders.... I was raving angry. I mean don't get me wrong I wanted her there ASAP to meet her brother I just think it's disgusting she didn't prewarn us x

mumda · 09/08/2021 17:46

Last visit from the midwife and I literally had to beg her, crying, to look at my "dissolvable" stitches.

Turns out they weren't dissolvable and were the reason I'd been in agony for a week.

Bleachmycloths · 09/08/2021 17:47

Some awful, upsetting stories here 😢
I was 16, married off to my 18 year old ex (!) boyfriend who I’d dumped after the shame of one painful horrible sh*g.
My baby was born in October. Our first Christmas Day, he buggered off to his mother’s leaving me on my own with 8 week old.
Shortly after my parents arrived saying Auntie Suchabody was at their house and wanted to see the baby. They swept up the baby, left the house, got in their car and left me on my own.
As a relatively new ( and doting!) grandma I try my best to learn from these experiences check with them that I’m doing the right thing.

Wexone · 09/08/2021 17:49

To the lady who said she was mad that her sister in law moved her hen to be nearer to her shortly after having her baby, can i ask why this was wrong? Am prepared to be flamed as maybe its also a thing that as i don't have children i don't understand ? i thought that would be a nice thing to do as she might be able to attend

Bleachmycloths · 09/08/2021 17:49

PS. It never occurred to them, of course, to bring Auntie Suchabody to my house to see the baby. I was a child myself so didn’t think of this suggestion.