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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend was nasty last night whilst drunk

96 replies

SarahUK128 · 07/08/2021 23:38

We're both 26, we have been together 2 years and we don't live together.

So he went out last night.
I was fast asleep and I had a phone call at 1am.
I answered because I worry with early morning calls Incase it's an emergency.
He sounded really angry and he said he was walking home but he was completely drunk to the point he didn't make sense.

I was telling him I was tired.
He then started spouting about how I'm useless and that I'm not good for anything.
I told him to talk to me when he wants to speak to me properly and hung up.

He then rang back apologising and saying he's had a rubbish night.
Then he turned nasty again. Saying once again that I'm useless and a failed and that I can't do anything.

This really upset me as I've been recently Job hunting and finding it hard to be successful so I'm currently with a care agency.
He knows I've recently expressed how I'm feeling quite "stuck" in life so hearing these words really upset me.
I didn't get upset on the phone but I hung up and went back to sleep.

He called me this morning apologising a lot saying he was just really drunk and didn't mean any of it and how he loves.me to pieces etc. The usual stuff.

But I can't stop thinking about the words he used last night.
When you've had so many job rejections, you naturally get a feeling of "nobody wants me", so to hear my own boyfriend, albeit drunk, call me useless hurt.

Whilst sober, he's the most loving person and usually when drunk he's great too.
I never have a bad word to say about him which I suppose is why last night shocked me.

OP posts:
BastardMonkfish · 07/08/2021 23:39

Fucking hell, run and don't look back.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2021 23:39

In vino veritas. This would be the end for me.

MrsBertBibby · 07/08/2021 23:40

That came from somewhere, and somewhere not good.

PurpleDaisies · 07/08/2021 23:41

That sounds awful. I agree that that hasn’t come from nowhere. It would be it for me. Flowers

RubyGoat · 07/08/2021 23:41

What he says when he's drunk, he likely thinks when he's sober.

Original poster
SarahUK128 · 07/08/2021 23:42

Yeah but I don't understand where that "somewhere" was. It seemed so out of character! Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahUK128 · 07/08/2021 23:43

Oh shoot, I find it more upsetting now that people are saying it might be what he thinks whilst sober,
When I asked him this morning whether it was true and he actually felt that way, he was was emphasising that it wasn't

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 07/08/2021 23:43

Well he would say that, wouldn't he?

huuskymam · 07/08/2021 23:44

What's that saying, only kids and drunks will tell you what they really think. I'd be dumping him.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2021 23:45

My dad has always said that if you want to know what someone is really like, see them drunk. My dad was right, per usual.

moonbedazzled · 07/08/2021 23:46

You're 26. Your mid 20s to mid 30s are fantastic years. Don't waste them on someone who calls you useless. It might be the first time he's said it, but it won't be last.

ZiggZagg · 07/08/2021 23:51

A drunken mouth speaks sober thoughts, bin him you don't need someone eroding your self worth this way!

Original poster
SarahUK128 · 07/08/2021 23:57

Thanks for the responses everyone. I think I've taken it more to heart because of recent events

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 07/08/2021 23:57

Even if it's just a 'drunk thing' do you really want the potential future of being with someone like that who may continue to say these things and get arsey with you when drinking, or, act like that someone/anyone else on a night out and get you both in a lot of trouble.

You should spend your time with someone whom you KNOW respects you and thinks the world of you. Somebody who help builds your confidence, drunk, sober, day or night.

Notimeforaname · 07/08/2021 23:58

*With someone/anyone

romdowa · 08/08/2021 00:00

A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.

PurpleFlower1983 · 08/08/2021 00:01

Another vote for in vino veritas.

roonthebend · 08/08/2021 00:03

Not excusing his behaviour. But I have been that angry drunk (luckily not anymore - no idea why but I'm a pretty chilled/happy drunk now) and I tell you that I have said plenty, plenty of horrible, disgusting things to the people I love and those closest to me that I truly did not mean. I didn't even think them sober and many times have been flabbergasted why I have said such things. Regardless whether he meant it, it's not okay for him to do that and you don't need to put up with that. At the very least he has to sort the anger out and if he can't then yes you need to walk away.

idontlikealdi · 08/08/2021 00:04

In vino veritas. You need to decide what you do now.

ElspethFlashman · 08/08/2021 00:07

Yeah it's what he thinks.

He's just mortified he said it out loud. He's hardly going to admit it now, is he?

And tbh just because he's been an OK drunk so far doesn't really mean this is out of character. You've only been with him 2 years. This may be something he's done before you came along, you just didn't know.

Certainly now you know it's 100% within him to be an absolute prick. Only you can decide what to do now. It'd put me right off, I can tell you.

messybun101 · 08/08/2021 00:08

I really believe the truth comes out when drunk. I'm sorry op, I think it's what he really thinks. I would end it for this. I couldn't shake the gut feeling that it is what he thinks of you

MintMatchmaker · 08/08/2021 00:21

I always believed drunk people speak the truth.

However, it turns out I am a horrendous drunk and I say things that I most definitely don’t think. In some cases I’ve said things that are very much removed from what I believe. I no longer drink.

leopardprintpants · 08/08/2021 04:28

Run and don't look back.

Your 20's are precious, so so precious. Protect them by getting him to f🙃ck

nameisnotimportant · 08/08/2021 04:39

Yep run as fast as you can. He has shown his true colours here and it will only get worse if you move in together. My dad was like this, as soon as he had a drink, what he really thought came out. You can't forget words. Move on and don't look back and be thankful you discovered this relatively early on

Shoxfordian · 08/08/2021 06:30

Dump him, he’s shown you what he really thinks