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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think i could marry this man

112 replies

zoopigi · 07/08/2021 16:03

So, two days ago i met this man,lets call him Kev. My best friends sister is married to kevs cousin, and they decided to set us up. In my country we have a long history of "arranged marriages" so what you would call a blind date in the uk has the potential to be much more here. Anyway, i arrived first, so was sitting with the girls discussing my previous nights antics when Kev arrived. He was tall, dark and handsome, and I was immediately attracted to him. We chatted for abit and were getting on really well, and when he asked if I wasnted to go and eat, i happily accepted. We spent the night talking about everything, from favourite movies, to how many kids each would like to have. I didnt want the night to end! My best friend called me yesterday, and told me that Kev had gone back to his cousins after our dinner, and basically went on for hours about how lovley I am, and how I'm exactly the kind of girl he would marry. We are off out tonite again, and I have all the butterflies!! :)

OP posts:
ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 07/08/2021 16:07

Okay.

catwithflowers · 07/08/2021 16:10

Whether or not it works out between you, those butterflies and feelings of excitement are lovely and to be treasured 😊. Good luck and enjoy your next date!

WitchBaby · 07/08/2021 16:10

So is this likely to be an arranged marriage? If so it's good that you both like each other.
I'd still take it slowly though.

Stichintime · 07/08/2021 16:12

Wow! Enjoy the feeling, but accept it maybe fleetingGrin

Relle1 · 07/08/2021 16:12

Why is this in aibu?

Bumblecattabbybee · 07/08/2021 16:24

That's lovely but you need to get to know him a LOT better before marriage should even be on your mind

Ahwelltoobad · 07/08/2021 16:31

Hooray for butterflies, rooting for you both! 🎉

catstaff · 07/08/2021 16:32

Well, good luck with it. It could be that you marry him. I knew I would marry DH on the first date. Sounds weird, but it happens...,

ElizaDoolots · 07/08/2021 16:40

I knew I would marry DH on the first date. Sounds weird, but it happens

Same here. Took him 5 years to actually ask me though 😂

ElizaDoolots · 07/08/2021 16:40

All sounds very exciting OP, hope it all works out!

Popetthetreehugger · 07/08/2021 16:45

I knew I was going to marry H1 the second I saw him , didn’t even speak to him 🤣 enjoy the butterfly feeling 🎉

JingsMahBucket · 07/08/2021 16:50

Just remember to have fun and go with the feeling, however it works out! :)

acolderwar · 07/08/2021 16:52

@Relle1

Why is this in aibu?
Yeah, why AIBU? Are you inviting comments and opinions about arranged marriages?
Classica · 07/08/2021 16:56

YABVU to give him the hypothetical name of Kev.

At least give him a decent name like Sam.

MadMadMadamMim · 07/08/2021 16:56

Personally I'd be freaked out by a bloke I've met once going on and on to someone about me being exactly the kind of girl he would marry.

It raises so many red flags for me. Neither of you know the other - and let's face it, we're all (generally) our most "perfect" self on a first date.

Hope you have a good time tonight, but for goodness sake don't start over investing in someone you've met once.

KentuckyCriedFricken · 07/08/2021 16:59

Is this your first boyfriend/date? Those feelings are very common in the early stages where it’s all new, exciting and feels very grown-up. See how you feel in a year.

Inthetropics · 07/08/2021 17:00

If arranged marriages are something common in your country the fact you both liked each other and seem to be very excited to be together is definitely a good start! I'd be trying to find out some important things fast if in your coubtry you are likely to commit in a small time frame.

I'd try to find out his expectations when it comes to womens role in marriage/family life. This would be my biggest concern.

And enjoy!

VladmirsPoutine · 07/08/2021 17:08

Not sure what the AIBU is but this type of feeling is fairly common in the early stages of a relationship/dating; that is to say it can all go downhill relatively quickly from that 'I'm on the clouds' feeling.

I wouldn't jump in headfirst because that's really how people get very hurt. All that said, I wish it works out for you both but the flip side of the coin is that if you didn't have butterflies then it would be a signal to stop dating him - so this is in effect: normal Confused

Smallfry79 · 07/08/2021 17:10

If this was two western people you typically want the hollywood ending, lovestory and grew up.with the idea of a love match i would say thats nice but give it time.

If you are both from a culture where semi arranged marriage is the norm and what you have been brought up to expect and family approval/connections are key then I would say this sounds promising. Id still be cautious of course but if he is a decent man, approved by family and there happens to be some attraction between you Id say you are right to be a little excited

Original poster
zoopigi · 08/08/2021 05:41

Second date was fabulous-Kev is actually here visiting his parents and has to leave in two weeks, so everything seems a little fast forwarded, but from our chats i see that we are both on the same page. He curently shares a house with his brother and sister in law, but i can get onboard with that-we'll just have to figure out a way of each having some autonomy, work out a kitchen schedule or somthing. He also currently owns a cat, which i am allergic to, so he will have to rehome it. Otherwise things look good, he is happy for me to work if i want to, or to let me study if i prefer. I'm leaning towards studying a the mo, we will see! In a couple of days we have arranged to go to a party town on the other side of the island and I am really looking forward to that

OP posts:
Classica · 08/08/2021 05:49

'rehome your cat, Kev'

(anyone who expected me to get rid of my beloved pet after two dates would be blocked and deleted and avoided forevermore)

Bonkers.

Try to be less of a psycho freak.

DeathStare · 08/08/2021 05:50

This is a strange post. Two dates in 13 hours? And you're not answering anyone's questions. And still no AIBU.

ShippingNews · 08/08/2021 05:50

@zoopigi

Second date was fabulous-Kev is actually here visiting his parents and has to leave in two weeks, so everything seems a little fast forwarded, but from our chats i see that we are both on the same page. He curently shares a house with his brother and sister in law, but i can get onboard with that-we'll just have to figure out a way of each having some autonomy, work out a kitchen schedule or somthing. He also currently owns a cat, which i am allergic to, so he will have to rehome it. Otherwise things look good, he is happy for me to work if i want to, or to let me study if i prefer. I'm leaning towards studying a the mo, we will see! In a couple of days we have arranged to go to a party town on the other side of the island and I am really looking forward to that
Wow, things are certainly moving ahead quickly ! If this is the way things happen in your culture, all I can say is best wishes ! He sounds lovely !
Original poster
zoopigi · 08/08/2021 06:02

I'm sorry to not answer peoples questions, but the main question has been why is this in aibu...i guess the answer is beacuse even though one of my parents is from this country (kevs parents also) I was actually raised in other places. I have done the western kind of dating, but have now returned to my country and here i am quite old for dating. This kind of meeting someone with an aim to a serious relationship seems much more logical to me. We both have the same views on things, although he seems more straighlaced than me, so i think things could really work out.
To those asking why the second date is ony days after the first, he is here on holiday, visiting his parents- he leaves in just over a week.
To those questioning wether he should rehome a cat on the strength of two dates, we are looking to build a future together. The cat was actually his late spouses pet. We are defintiely moving forward, i learned he has a sister who is married and lives in her own house not far from Kev's house. I would be leaving my mum behind in this country (we currently live together) but my sister and brother are studying in the UK which is where i would live if this all works out right.

OP posts:
Original poster
zoopigi · 08/08/2021 06:09

rambling and still didnt ask the aibu- so here it is. AIBU to think that this way of meeting someone might actually achieve my goal of marrying a nice man, since the "western way" of dating seems to have failed for me.

OP posts: