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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think i could marry this man

112 replies

zoopigi · 07/08/2021 16:03

So, two days ago i met this man,lets call him Kev. My best friends sister is married to kevs cousin, and they decided to set us up. In my country we have a long history of "arranged marriages" so what you would call a blind date in the uk has the potential to be much more here. Anyway, i arrived first, so was sitting with the girls discussing my previous nights antics when Kev arrived. He was tall, dark and handsome, and I was immediately attracted to him. We chatted for abit and were getting on really well, and when he asked if I wasnted to go and eat, i happily accepted. We spent the night talking about everything, from favourite movies, to how many kids each would like to have. I didnt want the night to end! My best friend called me yesterday, and told me that Kev had gone back to his cousins after our dinner, and basically went on for hours about how lovley I am, and how I'm exactly the kind of girl he would marry. We are off out tonite again, and I have all the butterflies!! :)

OP posts:
Kinsters · 08/08/2021 06:14

I think you can know straight away if someone is the right person. I knew from very early on that I wanted to marry DH. We still had our ups and downs though.

It sounds like there's a lot going on with him being a widower, you living in different countries etc. I'd take it kind of slowly. Maybe have a holiday with him before you plan to live with him.

ElizaDoolots · 08/08/2021 06:50

he is happy for me to work if i want to, or to let me study if i prefer.

Do you feel like you need his permission then? Because that’s how this is worded. I’d rather not be married than have a husband who thinks he gets a say in whether to ‘let me’ work/study

Slub · 08/08/2021 07:24

I think Kev should back away slowly and keep his 🐈‍⬛

Nsky · 08/08/2021 08:02

Trust your gut, be cautiously optmistic

zoopigi · 08/08/2021 08:06

@ElizaDoolots

he is happy for me to work if i want to, or to let me study if i prefer.

Do you feel like you need his permission then? Because that’s how this is worded. I’d rather not be married than have a husband who thinks he gets a say in whether to ‘let me’ work/study

No, I don't feel like he gets a say, just saying that he is easygoing. If I want to stay home, and fill my days shopping and seeing friends, so be it, if I want to go to work all day, he's good with that-he can pick up a takeaway on the way home,if i want to study-again, he will support me. I worded it badly i think
OP posts:
MuddyStiletto · 08/08/2021 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

justustwoandmoo · 08/08/2021 08:14

😂😂😂😂 this gave me a giggle....

Hekatestorch · 08/08/2021 08:18

He also currently owns a cat, which i am allergic to, so he will have to rehome it.

Wtf? A bloke who would rehome his cat to move in someone he has known days is called a dick head.

I can't believe this isnt a pisstake. Some of my cousins had introductions to potential men for them to marry. I don't know of any tradition where the introduction is done by some mates in the pub and living arrangements are being talked about on day 2.

Its usually a longer process.

Can't work if this is meant to be funny, or if op is trying to make people feel that this is normal by slipping in 'it's my culture' to make it sound less ridiculous to move country after 2 dates

Vallmo47 · 08/08/2021 08:18

Good luck OP.

Christinayangtwistedsister · 08/08/2021 08:18

Run Kevin

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 08/08/2021 08:24

Where is this country where someone can meet a man and, in 2 days, decide to give up work and be kept by them? On a Party Island too!

Asking for a friend.

DancesWithTortoises · 08/08/2021 08:30

Good luck, OP, I hope it works out for you both.

Of course the cat has to go if OP is allergic, she could die.

Daft to think otherwise.

Mydogisagentleman · 08/08/2021 08:30

It’s all go for you OP isn’t it.

dworky · 08/08/2021 08:34

Sorry but you don't even know him!

Christinayangtwistedsister · 08/08/2021 08:42

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

Where is this country where someone can meet a man and, in 2 days, decide to give up work and be kept by them? On a Party Island too!

Asking for a friend.

Is it Love Island do you think??
roonthebend · 08/08/2021 08:43

I met a guy who I had that feeling with - that instant 'I'm going to marry this man' and he told me he felt the same. It was the most intense thing I've ever felt in my life. But I didn't marry him, he broke my heart so I'll never trust that feeling again.

SmallChairs · 08/08/2021 08:46

Ok, so you’re not in the UK, and Kev is from a different country again and just visiting yours, on the one hand you’re talking about house-sharing with Kev’s brother and SIL in his home country, and on the other about moving to the UK where your siblings are? Plus Kev is a widower with a cat he’s prepared to get rid of on the strength of two dates?

It’s all go, isn’t it? Does everyone involved have the visas to live in Kev’s country and the UK?

VladmirsPoutine · 08/08/2021 08:51

we are looking to build a future together.

I reckon by the end of today OP might post on the thread that he's already proposed.

Christinayangtwistedsister · 08/08/2021 08:52

@VladmirsPoutine

we are looking to build a future together.

I reckon by the end of today OP might post on the thread that he's already proposed.

I hope not for the cats sake
Hekatestorch · 08/08/2021 08:54

Of course the cat has to go if OP is allergic, she could die.

That's extreme. But no, I would get rid of a pet for my do who i have been with years. Certainly, wouldn't so someone I have known a couple of days could move in with me.

zoopigi · 08/08/2021 08:59

@Christinayangtwistedsister It is the Island of Love, but not Love Island

OP posts:
YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 08/08/2021 09:00

@Christinayangtwistedsister of course it’s ❤️🏝!

If only I looked good in a bikini.

hahahayoumustbejoking · 08/08/2021 09:02

Aye aye, got a right one here

zoopigi · 08/08/2021 09:02

@SmallChairs

Ok, so you’re not in the UK, and Kev is from a different country again and just visiting yours, on the one hand you’re talking about house-sharing with Kev’s brother and SIL in his home country, and on the other about moving to the UK where your siblings are? Plus Kev is a widower with a cat he’s prepared to get rid of on the strength of two dates?

It’s all go, isn’t it? Does everyone involved have the visas to live in Kev’s country and the UK?

No, I am not in UK, half of each of our families live there, and that is where Kev lives. Kev is a widower, his late wife died a year ago. He enjoyed being married,and now that some time has passed, he would liek to be married again. I have never been married much to the concern of my mother as I am getting on. My cousin, who is the same age as me, has already been married for 10 years and has 2 children with another on the way.
OP posts:
SmallChairs · 08/08/2021 09:09

How old are you both? The whole moving very fast, holiday romance, spouting off to his friends about how you’re the type of ‘girl’ he’d marry sounds very teenage, but you also make it sound as if you’re in your 30s and considered ‘on the shelf’ by your family, and Kev has been widowed — OP, do you even want to marry someone, not necessarily Kev?do you want to go and live in the UK!? If he wants children, why didn’t he have them with his wife? Why, if you worked — as presumably he would — would you need to live on takeaways? Can’t he cook? Can’t you share cooking? Most people work and cook dinner…

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