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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think i could marry this man

112 replies

zoopigi · 07/08/2021 16:03

So, two days ago i met this man,lets call him Kev. My best friends sister is married to kevs cousin, and they decided to set us up. In my country we have a long history of "arranged marriages" so what you would call a blind date in the uk has the potential to be much more here. Anyway, i arrived first, so was sitting with the girls discussing my previous nights antics when Kev arrived. He was tall, dark and handsome, and I was immediately attracted to him. We chatted for abit and were getting on really well, and when he asked if I wasnted to go and eat, i happily accepted. We spent the night talking about everything, from favourite movies, to how many kids each would like to have. I didnt want the night to end! My best friend called me yesterday, and told me that Kev had gone back to his cousins after our dinner, and basically went on for hours about how lovley I am, and how I'm exactly the kind of girl he would marry. We are off out tonite again, and I have all the butterflies!! :)

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 08/08/2021 11:18

If I was you. I'd ask to get this thread deleted. Irrespective of the terrible name change, you've given out some very outing details.

WitchBaby · 08/08/2021 11:38

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Poor cat.

Poor cat
Poor Kev
GrinGrinGrin

DolphinFC · 08/08/2021 11:56

Wisely and slow, they stumble that run fast.

catstaff · 08/08/2021 12:36

OP, as far as I can tell, this isn’t an “arranged marriage” or anything remotely like it? Did your family liaise with his to introduce you? Sounds like you just happened to meet him while you were visiting your cousin and on a night out? Well, anyone could meet anyone via a cousin or any other relative for that matter. That’s not a “different dating” style.

My husband is from a country where marriage is often arranged (ours was not). Many of his family have had arranged marriages but I can assure you, not one of them was planning to rehome their cat after a mere 48 hours of clapping eyes on each other.

Do your family even know him and what is the role of this cousin?

FunnyWonder · 08/08/2021 12:50

I think you should have called your husband-to-be Matthew or Adam. Kev isn't as realistic for a 38yo.

What's the cat called?

WitchBaby · 08/08/2021 13:04

So in less than 3 days you have met Kev, decided you will marry him (a year after he was widowed), he will dispose of his cat (Angry), you will both live in the UK but then sell your properties and move to Cyprus to have children. Blimey you have it all planned out, don't you?

Gotta love mumsnet 😂🤣😂

MsHedgehog · 08/08/2021 13:05

OP, as far as I can tell, this isn’t an “arranged marriage” or anything remotely like it?

It is exactly how marriages are arranged in the country where my parents are from, a country in the Middle East. The family makes the introduction and leaves the couple to it.

The term “arranged marriage” is an umbrella term used in the west which portrays a false concept of what is actually involved. It ranges from family making an introduction to family finding an actual husband / wife and arranging the marriage.

catstaff · 08/08/2021 16:51

MsHedgehog - sure, but as far as I can make out. her family did not introduce her to anyone. Have I missed something? OP was out with her best friend; the friend bumped into her cousin who happened to be with Kev. Then Kev asked OP if she wanted to grab some food, which she did and they had a good chat. Now she’s met up with him again since then. But how was any of this arranged? Sounds like a random night out. That’s how I met my husband. I was out and someone I was with happened to know someone he was with and that was that. We were married. in a matter of months and still are after 20 years. So I’m not saying these things don’t happen, but nobody “arranged” our marriage and he’s also from the Middle East.

TheCrowening · 08/08/2021 17:08

If I died and a year after my death my husband rehomed my much loved cat so he could get it on with a woman he’s known for five minutes, I’d haunt the fuck out of him.

Classica · 08/08/2021 17:10

me too.

proper old school bed sheets and clanking chains, shit your pants haunting.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/08/2021 17:25

I'd even chuck in some ghostly sounding meows to drive the point home Grin

NameChangeHelpWithBullies · 08/08/2021 17:25

Even taking into account what I can understand of the cultural context, I think basing the potential match on items such as ‘liking the same films’ and ‘wanting the same number of children’ is still pretty superficial. I’d try to go much deeper, OP.

Also, 28 is young.

BrozTito · 08/08/2021 17:30

Hes a conman, Lynne

Pebbledashery · 08/08/2021 17:36

If he gets rid of his cat that quickly as soon as something remotely better comes along then he's more or less going to do the same to you.
Honestly get your thread deleted. The amount of details you've given on this thread..

AnneFuckingKirrin · 08/08/2021 17:47

@TheCrowening

If I died and a year after my death my husband rehomed my much loved cat so he could get it on with a woman he’s known for five minutes, I’d haunt the fuck out of him.
Grin
WitchBaby · 08/08/2021 17:48

I don't see any outing details as it's all the OP's head, poor Kev hasn't a clue what's happening.

And yes I'd haunt the fucker and his new wife too, even throwing in a bit of ectoplasm Angry

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 08/08/2021 17:50

Good for you. I knew my DH was the one as well. I had kissed a lot of frogs. But it took him SEVEN years to ask me!

AnneFuckingKirrin · 08/08/2021 17:52

The cat will probably stalk them anyway.
It will sit poo in their flower beds and scratch it’s claws down their windows in the middle of the night.

JaneJeffer · 08/08/2021 18:00

It worked for these two.

to think i could marry this man
SnitchyBitch · 08/08/2021 18:02

@BrozTito Grin

SnitchyBitch · 08/08/2021 18:02

Is this the plot of a film?

MereDintofPandiculation · 08/08/2021 18:11

although he seems more straighlaced than me, Given the power balance between men and women, that is a concern.

MsHedgehog · 08/08/2021 19:27

@catstaff The OP says they were set up, and met in a group setting, rather than meeting on a night out.

The term “arranged marriage” just really bugs me. The majority of people in the west think it’s your parents choosing your husband and arranging your marriage, and growing up it was hard for me to explain that it’s no different to a mum setting someone up with a friend’s child, but for some reason, throw in a foreign culture and it’s an arranged marriage and controlling parents. As it happens, my marriage wasn’t arranged either (I married a white Brit!) but I did give some of the guys my parents set me up with a go. Sounds like OP’s was a set up, but I see what you mean about the lack of involvement of parents.

Christinayangtwistedsister · 08/08/2021 19:37

@TheCrowening

If I died and a year after my death my husband rehomed my much loved cat so he could get it on with a woman he’s known for five minutes, I’d haunt the fuck out of him.
I'm not sure if ghosts are allowed on the island of love
stellaisabella · 08/08/2021 19:45

2 dates and you're moving to the uk, getting married, rehoming a cat, moving back to Cyprus to have some kids - his bed isn't even cold after his wife passed.
Calm yourself down. This is absolutely ridiculous. You cannot plan your entire future after two bloody dates. He could very easily be a serial killer and you'd have no bloody idea!

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