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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To he pissed off at ex?

90 replies

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:11

Background: we were together 12 years, 3 kids together, I worked until my disabilities and MH meant I couldn't. He was the SAHP. He now sees the children at his flat once a week. The little 2 (6 and 7) sleep over, so he has them 2pm Saturday until 10am Sunday, his choice.
The oldest (12) has very little to do with him as he doesn't get on with him.

He has just told me he may not be able to have the children for a while after today because he has been suspended from work and may be getting sacked. He got caught stealing from the till.

I'm furious. It's not like he has them for very long anyway, not even 24 hours a week. He doesn't pay for them, so it's not like he needs the money for that. He's just an absolute idiot.

If he loses his job and loses his flat as a result of not having rent money he'll have to move back in with his mum which means he won't see the kids because his mums an alcoholic who hits kids so they're not allowed there, plus the drug taking uncles. That's not going to happen, and he won't take them out to soft play or anywhere because he's too tight. He doesn't even take them to the park which is free.

Ugh. When I told him he's an idiot he told me I have no right to be pissed off because its not like he's fucking up my life. But it is because now I can't make any plans on my own on Saturday afternoons because I'll have the kids. So no dates, no meeting up with friends without the kids, can't even go shopping in peace.

So aibu to be annoyed or is it none of my business?

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 07/08/2021 14:13

I thought it was about the kids seeing their dad more than you having time off from them.

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2021 14:16

I have to agree with the first poster, your focus seems to be that you’re hacked off you need to look after the kids and not how it will impact them not seeing their father.

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:16

@DinosaurDiana such a helpful response Hmm
My question was because he said its not affecting me but clearly it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:17

@Bluntness100 because they've been through this before. We are all used to him being a dick about contact. The issue is he said it doesn't affect me when it clearly does

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/08/2021 14:17

Well yes, you will need to look after the kids instead.

Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:19

Which I do every other day of the week. As I said, he doesn't even have them for 24 hours as it is. I'm entitled to want some time for me.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/08/2021 14:20

if he loses his job and loses his flat as a result of not having rent money he'll have to move back in with his mum

Why wouldn't he claim housing benefit?

beinglikedisoverrated · 07/08/2021 14:21

I think I would be pissed off too tbh.
I don't understand what losing his job has to do with not having the kids.

DinosaurDiana · 07/08/2021 14:22

@HerRoyalRisesAgain

Which I do every other day of the week. As I said, he doesn't even have them for 24 hours as it is. I'm entitled to want some time for me.
Those whose partners have died aren’t ‘entitled’ to some time for themselves. My DH worked away 10 days at a time with 3 days off, I didn’t get time to myself. The kids will be back at school soon.
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:22

pinkyredrose because he likes the idea of living with his mum
It took him 6 months before he even looked for a flat after he left us, just happily living with his mum until I pointed out it wasn't fair on the kids not seeing him.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/08/2021 14:22

@HerRoyalRisesAgain

Which I do every other day of the week. As I said, he doesn't even have them for 24 hours as it is. I'm entitled to want some time for me.
Agree, do you not work? No child care?
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:23

@DinosaurDiana don't be so ridiculous. Every parent is entitled to a break, just because some don't get one doesn't mean they don't want one. And associating this with a dead partner is completely missing the point.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:25

@Bluntness100 I'm disabled. My mum comes twice a week to help with housework but no one actually comes to care for the kids. She does the housework I can't do, helps me get a shower and leaves.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:25

I don't understand what losing his job has to do with not having the kids because apparently he won't be able to feed them.

OP posts:
TheAverageUser · 07/08/2021 14:26

I don't see anything wrong with you wanting time without the kids, although that wasn't the point of your post just wanted to say!

You're NBU to be pissed off, I don't see why him losing his job means he can't have the kids for those few hours. Sounds like an excuse on his part

PumpkinKlNG · 07/08/2021 14:27

I’m not sure any parent is “entitled” to a break, would like one yes but not “entitled” I haven’t had one in 5 years 🤣🤣 sounds like it’s temporary so I wouldn’t be too mad? At least he usually has them? But anyway I don’t get why losing his job means he can’t have them?

Indoorcamping · 07/08/2021 14:27

You're getting some twattish responses on here OP. Of course you're not unreasonable to be pissed off. He does minimal childcare as it is and now he's opting out of that.

Why shouldn't you have a break? Your kids have two parents.

CheeseyMcCheeseface · 07/08/2021 14:27

But their father isn’t dead just shirking his responsibilities.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/08/2021 14:28

@pinkyredrose

if he loses his job and loses his flat as a result of not having rent money he'll have to move back in with his mum

Why wouldn't he claim housing benefit?

UC can be sanctioned for a considerable period of time when somebody is out of work due to dipping their fingers in the till. UC includes housing costs.
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:28

Apparently he won't be able to feed them if he loses his job. I did ask why he wouldn't contact the job centre and apply for UC but apparently that's not enough to feed the kids once a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 07/08/2021 14:29

UC can be sanctioned for a considerable period of time when somebody is out of work due to dipping their fingers in the till.
Thats a very good point. Hes such an idiot.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 07/08/2021 14:32

Yanbu. I can see why you’re annoyed. He did very minimal to begin with and now he’s doing nothing.

TheAverageUser · 07/08/2021 14:34

My sister has this and she just provides the food or the tenner to buy the food. It's not fair of course but it does mean she has alone time for herself.

Funnylittlefloozie · 07/08/2021 14:36

The race-to-the-bottom parents are out again. Of course you're not unreasonable for wanting that time alone. Your ex is a lazy twunt, unfortunately, and I think all you can really do is try and get him to take them for days at the park or whatever, and accept there won't be any overnights for the time being.

funinthesun19 · 07/08/2021 14:37

Apparently he won't be able to feed them if he loses his job. I did ask why he wouldn't contact the job centre and apply for UC but apparently that's not enough to feed the kids once a week.

Jesus. I know UC isn’t big money for a single person, but he’s telling fibs there.

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