To he pissed off at ex?

[HerRoyalRisesAgain]

Background: we were together 12 years, 3 kids together, I worked until my disabilities and MH meant I couldn't. He was the SAHP. He now sees the children at his flat once a week. The little 2 (6 and 7) sleep over, so he has them 2pm Saturday until 10am Sunday, his choice.
The oldest (12) has very little to do with him as he doesn't get on with him.

He has just told me he may not be able to have the children for a while after today because he has been suspended from work and may be getting sacked. He got caught stealing from the till.

I'm furious. It's not like he has them for very long anyway, not even 24 hours a week. He doesn't pay for them, so it's not like he needs the money for that. He's just an absolute idiot.

If he loses his job and loses his flat as a result of not having rent money he'll have to move back in with his mum which means he won't see the kids because his mums an alcoholic who hits kids so they're not allowed there, plus the drug taking uncles. That's not going to happen, and he won't take them out to soft play or anywhere because he's too tight. He doesn't even take them to the park which is free.

Ugh. When I told him he's an idiot he told me I have no right to be pissed off because its not like he's fucking up my life. But it is because now I can't make any plans on my own on Saturday afternoons because I'll have the kids. So no dates, no meeting up with friends without the kids, can't even go shopping in peace.

So aibu to be annoyed or is it none of my business?

But it sounds like he’s a shut dad anyways so in a way the kids are better off staying with you.

@Dragon50

What’s with the responses?

Are people seriously saying that it’s acceptable for a (unemployed so lots of time) dad to not see his kids?

That’s your standard of parenting?

Give your heads a wobble.

There’s no reason why the OP shouldn’t get social time - she has sole care of DC for majority of the time, she’s doing his parenting for him so the least he can do is give her some time back and should want to spend some time with his DC anyway.

Some low standards on display here.

This.

Oh do sod off to people who think this is about you wanting time off. In sure they are first to drop kids infront of an ipad and balk that its educational.

In your position id tell him that that his issues don't affect his requirement to parent and he is responsible for having them in that time. If he loses the flat he will need to find ways away from his alcoholic mum to see them and if he causes any fuss id be formally stopping contact and make him go to court.

Aargh, my ex had the attitude that I was the default childcare and my plans etc were secondary to his wants so if he decided something I should just have to reorganise everything .

I'd be tempted to ask him if his presence in his children's lifes is so irrelevant that he thinks him not seeing them won't have any impact.

Lives!

I'd be pissed off too. Single parent also and my 'time off' is precious because otherwise my mental health suffers. My ex also did something stupid recently which meant that contact is reduced, and it really upset me that he'd do that to them and to me. I have no family whatsoever. I don't think it's selfish. Single mothers aren't martyrs.

[quote HerRoyalRisesAgain]@beinglikedisoverrated yep, there's a food bank that runs weekly at the community centre on our estate (he lives on the same council estate as we do, so even if he doesn't see the kids they'll still see him enjoying his life without them)[/quote]
It may be best in the long run for DC if he moves back to his Mum's house then. Having a disinterested parent who sometimes is in their DCs' lives and other times not can be very damaging. He really doesn't sound like he cares for them. It's damaging to be exposed to that.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be angry about this. But expecting his current or future behaviour to be better than his past behaviour is only going to hurt you.

Thanks everyone. The kids are home and asked why daddy was grumpy last night. I told them that I didn't know but it's OK because I won't be grumpy. We're having a movie day. We've already watched the rescuers down under and now We're watching black beauty. DD has just read the book and is obsessed. At least they've got me for some stability and they know I won't take my frustration out on them.

So he expects you to be the one who tells them the news?

Yep. He also expected me to explain why he left in the first place

Hope you have a nice day. He sounds an utterly shit dad and shit person. Why he assumes that the mother should be default childcare and he just occasionally has them is beyond me. But looking at some of the responses on this thread it's clear even some women think any parenting a man does is to help the mother and they would be grateful! Not sure why they set the bar so low for men

How come whenever a married woman says her husband never lets her have kid free time it's all LTB and when a single parent is disappointed at losing their only afternoon off a week it's all 'oh won't somebody think of the children!?'

The bar for men is so low its in hell.

DS1 has just come home after being out with his friends and informed me he bumped into his dad who asked him if he could borrow £5.
He asked his own 12 year old kid to borrow his spending money. Luckily I have told DS1 what his dad has done, so he told him no and came home instead. He said "why would I let him borrow money? How's he going to pay it back with no job? And he'll only spend it on fags anyway" (their dad smokes, DS1 despises it) I told him he did the right thing not allowing his dad to borrow his money.

Good on him! Sadly he has realised what his dad is like but he isn’t letting himself be walked over by him which can’t be easy especially when he is with his friends.

It must have been embarrassing for him to he asked in front of his friends too. Poor kid.