To be annoyed at these comments from DH’s family?

[nonwor]

DH has a low sperm count, so we used a sperm donor and DD is now 8 months old.

Our families didn't meet her until she was 3/4 months. Since she's gotten older, they've been making comments about DD not looking like DH, and asking him if he's sure he's her father etc.

They also ask if we're having another child, we always tell them we don't know and they say that we have to as it'll be unfair on DD being the only child etc.

Aibu to be annoyed at these comments?

@Plumtree391 it’s not always as dramatic as transplants. It’s doing genetics at school and realising that your ability to roll your tongue / not roll your tongue compared to your parents means that you’re not biologically related…

It’s something happening to their children, so the OP’s grandchildren and realising that the medical history they have is inaccurate so the OP has to tell them.

It’s sending a DNA sample to something like ancestry.com without the OP knowing, turfing up half siblings and opening a can of worms.

I think “no one needs to know” is naive at best and downright harmful at worst.

I think “no one needs to know” is naive at best and downright harmful at worst

I absolutely agree. This child deserves to know her story from the beginning. These days I honestly thought we were more aware of how important it is to know about your identity and for something so integral to never be a secret that the child risks discovering.

There is no shame in using a sperm donor but pretending that it didn't happen will only lead to heartache and confusion later in this child's life.

I don’t know why the OP has bothered posting if she’s not going to engage with the far bigger question of how and if they’re telling their child about the donor.

There is a reason you’ll have been advised to tell your daughter about this. Doing it early and naturally will help her process it and that’s much easier if family are already in the loop. I do hope you’re not ignoring the advice you will have received and planning to keep this a secret.

[quote PotteringAlong]@Plumtree391 it’s not always as dramatic as transplants. It’s doing genetics at school and realising that your ability to roll your tongue / not roll your tongue compared to your parents means that you’re not biologically related…

It’s something happening to their children, so the OP’s grandchildren and realising that the medical history they have is inaccurate so the OP has to tell them.

It’s sending a DNA sample to something like ancestry.com without the OP knowing, turfing up half siblings and opening a can of worms.

I think “no one needs to know” is naive at best and downright harmful at worst.[/quote]
They are good points and I hadn't thought of Ancestry.com. However surely nobody except the child needs to know.

Speaking of Ancestry.com, I did think of it at one time because I am an adopted child but I did meet my biological mother who told me about my bio father, and that was sufficient for me. They are both dead now anyway.

I do get that a child has the right to know where he or she comes from but I don't think I would want to know I was conceived with a sperm donor (now I expect someone who was conceived that way will come on here and say it makes no difference to them), and would a child benefit from knowing their father was, say, a serial killer? It is certainly a difficult one which is why, I suppose, donor insemination is so controversial.

I think YABU about the comments on who your DD looks like. So many people comment on this sort of thing (and they would know if you had adopted etc so aren't in their minds being insensitive).

I think YANBU however over them telling you DD HAS to have a sibling though. Only children and their parents are typically happier, so how is that unfair?

Wow. Everyone makes comments about who a baby looks like. That's just what people do.

However, you used a sperm donor.

You are going to need to tell your child that one day.

It would be much easier if you also told very close family.