To hate people going upstairs

[TracyLords]

DD8 had a couple of friends over. They were desperate to go upstairs and see DDs bedroom.
We have a playroom downstairs with all toys etx, so there was no need to go upstairs. I went to the loo and up her wee friend went to have a nosey!

DH thinks I’m a bit precious, but I just hate people going upstairs in my house unless they are family or staying over. Aibu?

It’s so sad for your daughter that she can’t show her friends her room.

Please try to work through this for your daughters sake. It's miserable being the child who can't invite people to your room.

I grew up in a house like this and hated it! I am determined to provide my children with a much more relaxed environment. I love it when people feel relaxed enough to treat my home as their own. Your daughter’s bedroom should be viewed as her own space that she can invite her friends into.

She should be able to have friends in her room. Just close your bedroom door and make it clear that’s off limits

I am completely that way about my bedroom, so I partially understand, but I think you are being really unfair and ridiculous about your daughter's room. Of course she wants her friends to play in her room! Come on, now, lighten up just a little. Make a rule about staying out of your room, but let them play in her bedroom.

Why can’t your DD play in her room with her friends? Seems really odd that she can’t have friends on there!

Don't be a grump.

Crikey, I thought you were going to say an nosey or overbearing adult had pushed upstairs but your DD's friend? Of course they want to go up and hang out together!! It's totally normal play date behaviour. They want some unscripted time away from grown ups listening in.. Try and relax and enjoy the peace and quiet!
You really are being massively unreasonable, sorry.

Of course they want to go up and see her room, see what she’s got, and sit on her bed and chat.
It’s what they do !

Just put a little hook latch at the top of your bedroom door

How ridiculous. Your poor child, not being able to have her friends in her room.

People are so weird.

Of course your DD wants to be in her room with her friends.

I understand not wanting people in your bedroom but your daughter should be able to have friends in hers

When I was not much older my friend took me into her parents room and showed me her dad’s stash of porno mags in his bedside drawer 😱😱😱

I remember when I was little, the girl up the street loved going to other people's houses because in hers we had to stay and play in the conservatory.
Similarly, I met a nice woman and her daughter through a friend and was thinking how nice it would be if DD and the little girl got on until the mother said "we invited so and so round and she made G get all her toys out and it took me ages to tidy up! And I said "you'll not come here again if this is how you play!"

You need to work through your issues.

Ok. Seems I am being unreasonable. There’s a play room downstairs for kids to hang out in (I’m in the separate living room). They also sneaked into my room and into my bed . But the idea @wordsareveryunnecessary has will stop this in the future!!

I understand not want adult visitors rummaging around upstairs in bedrooms, but a child's friend going in the child's bedroom is totally normal.
What's the problem with your daughter having a friend in her room?

@LolaSmiles I like upstairs to be a private space for family only.

DD doesn’t have many toys in her bedroom at all. Literally her bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers, 2 bookshelves of books and a couple of teddies! Normally she just plays in the playroom with her friends, so all her toys (of which there are probably hundreds) and in her playroom. She normally just uses her bedroom for sleeping in!

They also sneaked into my room and into my bed

This is obviously totally unacceptable and you need to make that crystal clear to your daughter. Tell her if that ever happens again there will be consequences she won't like.

Tell your own kid your bedroom is out of bound, close the door.

My kids know I don't want them to play in my bedroom! (if nothing else, what is child free for them might not be as safe for others), plus it's my bedroom

I would mind less having an adult having a peek, they are unlikely to end up in my bed or steal some medicine.

Don't ban your own child from going upstairs with friends, it's her house too...

Children just really love showing off their bedrooms.
My DC mostly co-sleep and spend next to no time in their rooms. They still love showing friends round them.

So... should I also then move some toys upstairs to her bedroom??!!! This has not came up before: because of Covid we haven’t had many people over until lately. Pre Covid all the kids were happy in the playroom (there is loads of toys and a tv/sofa, and DD prefers being close to us in the living room)

No, leave it as it is if that’s the way you like it. Just put a lock on your bedroom door

The thing is, with the best will in the world OP, you can have all the lovely, spacious, organised colour coordinated playrooms in the world but she's fast approaching the time when nothing is more fun than kicking back in her room with mates. If her home isn't welcoming to them she'll still hang out with them, just in the park, or round at her least desirable friends house...
Just stick a lock on your bedroom door if your worried they'll find your vibrator collection.

Why on earth can DD not have her friends in her room upstairs? Surely the spaces they can use could be there or the playroom, or presumably the garden until you are ready to give them food.

Restricting them to the playroom downstairs does make you sound very uptight. Get a bolt for your own bedroom door in time for next time. For now just tell them firmly and assertively that your room is out of bounds and you expect them not to go in there. If any of them do then correct them and repeat the instruction. They will get the message before long.