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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate people going upstairs

97 replies

TracyLords · 06/08/2021 17:34

DD8 had a couple of friends over. They were desperate to go upstairs and see DDs bedroom.
We have a playroom downstairs with all toys etx, so there was no need to go upstairs. I went to the loo and up her wee friend went to have a nosey!

DH thinks I’m a bit precious, but I just hate people going upstairs in my house unless they are family or staying over. Aibu?

OP posts:

billy1966 · 06/08/2021 19:47

OP,
Girls tend to like to bring their friends up to their bedrooms to show them their space.
Even more so as teens.

Going into your bedroom is not on and you need to be crystal clear on that point.

There shouldn't need to be a lock on your bedroom door.
I wouldn't hesitate to tell the children that they are NOT allowed into MY room.

At 8 for bouncing on sofas and beds, utterly ridiculous and very rude.

I would be noting the names involved, that is bratty behaviour and no child EVER did that here and there have been many dozens of children here in the past 20 years.

YOU set the tone for what is acceptable in your home.

Remind your daughter in front of the children, absolutely no entry into my bedroom.

Children are curious, but the getting into your bed is too much.

We have a large older house and hide and seek was the children's favourite game, as there were so many places to hide.

I admit it used to absolutely do my head in, but I sucked it up as they all loved it so much.
Seems so long ago now.
The years go so fast, they don't play games for long.

Original poster

TracyLords · 06/08/2021 19:58

@Panickingpavlova nope, she doesn’t really use her room except for sleeping. She does bring toys up to the study though to play with when I’m working, and loves to play my keyboard in there too. She takes toys into the conservatory and kitchen too and into the hall for certain games. But she doesn’t tend to take them to her bedroom

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2021 20:02

My dd and her friends used to play hide and seek all over the house. Including in my bedroom up until about a year ago. She’s 13. They never trashed anything. She once got into my bed with a friend age 5. I spend a fair amount of time in bed as I’m chronically ill, she and her primary school friends used to come and chat to me. Less so now she’s got a lot of different friends.

I want my house to be welcoming and the home of choice to come to. It sounds like you would have benefitted from a house like mine as a kid. I would have done for different reasons. So why not give that gift to someone else?

Ttbhappy · 06/08/2021 20:02

When kids get older they want space to play with their friends and it grows independence just let go of your issues with the bedroom it will make your child happy.

Panickingpavlova · 06/08/2021 20:05

No dolls? No soft toys?

Anyway it's one of the small irritations adults must get over for the sake of the dc

It's their home too and they are her guests.
You can certainly manage them, not to go to the your room etc but generally it's her room her home and if she wants to stay show her friend or vice versa it should be her choice.

NautaOcts · 06/08/2021 20:05

I’m a bit like this but not with kids! Just other grown ups. With the kids I just make sure my bedroom door is shut and they know not to go in there because I’m embarrassed about the mess

Original poster

TracyLords · 06/08/2021 20:06

@Panickingpavlova, there are a couple of teddies up there for nighttime cuddles: but that’s it...

OP posts:

JaneJeffer · 06/08/2021 20:12

Move to a bungalow.

nancydroo · 06/08/2021 20:12

Yep I don't like it either

Original poster

TracyLords · 06/08/2021 20:13

@JaneJeffer fuck no!!! Could you imagine people being beside our bedrooms whenever someone is in the house??!! Nopety nope no

OP posts:

opinionminion · 06/08/2021 20:15

You don't have to have sleepovers either ... do not feel pressurised to do what others do - never had sleepovers.
I preferred taking my daughter out with one friend ... the park, cinema, museum, library, clay pot cafe.

userxx · 06/08/2021 20:19

[quote TracyLords]@JaneJeffer fuck no!!! Could you imagine people being beside our bedrooms whenever someone is in the house??!! Nopety nope no[/quote]

Bedroom issues 😏. There's more to this than meets the eye.

junipoor · 06/08/2021 20:22

My DS has severe ASD so probably never going to be in this situation, but I get where you're coming from OP!

I'm in my twenties and I remember as a child, spraying my mums perfumes in her room, using her make up (quite a few times), writing on walls in my bedroom and emptying her Elemis creams into the sink with my friend as a 'potion'

Original poster

TracyLords · 06/08/2021 20:25

@userxx away you go with your wee cheeky insinuating face lol

OP posts:

ddl1 · 06/08/2021 20:26

I would agree with you with regard to adults, but think you are slightly U where children are involved.

eightyfourandahalf · 06/08/2021 20:28

You don't have to have sleepovers either ... do not feel pressurised to do what others do - never had sleepovers.

you don't have to do anything,
but the child should be allowed to take their friends in her own space.

Sleepovers are great! (with selected children...) Kids play together (ideally you've plan something to keep them occupy for a couple of hours), then have an excessive amount of screen time, go to bedroom and spend evening giggling and whispering.

Your kid is entertained and have a blast without effort from you, and the parents will invite yours back and give you a free evening in exchange.

What's not to like!

pinatastick · 06/08/2021 21:05

I'm not a fan of people going upstairs. I feel like it's my private space. Also upstairs is a bit messy compared to downstairs- sometimes very messy!- so I don't want them to see that! I do think it's different with children though, I make sure my bedroom door is closed and the kids can take their mates to their own rooms.

Original poster

TracyLords · 06/08/2021 21:50

I think part of it is that I don’t keep upstairs as “guest ready” as downstairs. And I don’t want to waste having a playroom if no one actually uses it lol

OP posts:

worldandsky · 06/08/2021 21:50

Can't believe you made a post about this. I fully expect my children's friends wanting to go upstairs and see their bedrooms, I expect that, all kids do that at those ages

Doesn't matter that you have a play room set up downstairs

Neverrains · 06/08/2021 21:55

@TracyLords

I think part of it is that I don’t keep upstairs as “guest ready” as downstairs. And I don’t want to waste having a playroom if no one actually uses it lol

Firstly, friends wanting to see your daughter’s bedroom surely doesn’t mean your playroom won’t get used at all? Secondly, there probably will come a point at which it won’t be used as a playroom, in which case you can use it for something else!

christyt114 · 06/08/2021 21:58

YAVVVU

Panickingpavlova · 06/08/2021 22:04

But you can't force where they play?
I don't think of my few friends that had proper play rooms that we ever spent all our time in there? It's lovely you have given her this space but you can force her to stay in with friends! Exploring new houses is part of the fun of friends over.
Children don't have really care about guest ready houses.
You can't police these things... You can't force you them either.

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