Child with loud device - settle an argument

[Ideasplease322]

My mum and I went for lunch in a local hotel. A family were seated at the table next to us and they handed their small child an iPad. No headphones.

The child played loud video games throughout lunch - there was crashing and gun fire and sirens. We were in small bar area, no other tables to move to. I wanted to speak to the waiter about asking the family to turn the volume down. My mum wouldn’t let me, she said we would look mean.

I think it is increasingly bad manners to allow a child to play loud video games in a restaurant, however there is really no way to handle it without it being obvious who has complained.

I was happy for them to know, mum said we would then have become 5e people displaying bad manners.

was I unreasonable to want to complain?

You were not unreasonable. I'd never let my child do that. He sits pretty well for meals just with a small toy but if we've had a long day out I've sometimes let him watch videos but only with headphones.

Just start playing really loud videos back?

your mum was being vu, I would have asked them politely to turn it down as they are obviously to dim to work out that it's anti social

No doubt people will come on now to talk about how an iPad on full volume is the only thing that will calm their neurodiverse child.

I think you'll find that we parents if neurodiverse children are well aware of how unaccepting of our children society can be and how closely our parenting is scrutinised and judged. Every parent i know who has a neurodiverse child is often hyper-aware of their parenting and how others perceive them, they also work much harder to parent their child, they are nit the people you will find playing iPads at top volume in a restaurant. Your comment was both rude and ignorant.

My pet hate. So selfish. I left a cafe before ordering yesterday as some fucker had a baby (I’m talking 6-8 months old) on his lap staring at a loud video on a phone.

I can't stand this, it's so rude.

How can the adults just sit there!?

a small child playing a game with gun fire, crashing and sirens sounds iffy, doesn't sound like an age rating was being observed either.

@Clocktopus Completely agree and couldn't have said that better myself.

@warmandtoasty2day

a small child playing a game with gun fire, crashing and sirens sounds iffy, doesn't sound like an age rating was being observed either.

To be fair it sounded like a space type game, a little old maybe but not grand theft auto old!

It was just very, very loud.

Never mind turning it down, I would have asked them to turn it OFF ... and if they wouldn't, I would have asked the staff to get them to turn it off. If they still wouldn't, I would have left.

@Clocktopus

No doubt people will come on now to talk about how an iPad on full volume is the only thing that will calm their neurodiverse child.

I think you'll find that we parents if neurodiverse children are well aware of how unaccepting of our children society can be and how closely our parenting is scrutinised and judged. Every parent i know who has a neurodiverse child is often hyper-aware of their parenting and how others perceive them, they also work much harder to parent their child, they are nit the people you will find playing iPads at top volume in a restaurant. Your comment was both rude and ignorant.

To be fair, there was a similar thread not long ago and there were some parents of neurodiverse children saying exactly what @FightingtheFoo said (that an iPad was the only thing that calmed/occupied their child and that they found headphones uncomfortable to use so ‘had’ to have the volume on.)

Not that generalising is helpful though, I appreciate that.

Incredibly rude and selfish of them

I have experienced this is a restaurant.

It was totally intolerable and was late evening after 8pm. V young child in a high chair.

I couldn’t understand how their own parents could stand it. We didn’t say anything - it was a big family group and we were the only other diners.

I think all restaurants should have a silent devices policy.

We had this thread a few weeks ago and FightingtheFoo is exactly right. Though when some autistic posters said loud noises are upsetting for them, the people so passionate about disability rights totally ignored them... so I suspect they were trolling.

We had this on a night flight on a plane. Child had been doing this in the airport earlier. Child had ASD (confirmed by family) and would not wear his earphones. Mother had completely lost it and was screaming that she couldn't cope anymore. Much older siblings couldn't have cared less. Very stressful first part of the flight with much arguing back and forth between family, passengers and staff. Nightmare.

We've also experienced this in a pub while having a meal. Completely ruined the evening.

"To be fair, there was a similar thread not long ago and there were some parents of neurodiverse children saying exactly what @FightingtheFoo said (that an iPad was the only thing that calmed/occupied their child and that they found headphones uncomfortable to use so ‘had’ to have the volume on.)"

There will be a few ND children this would apply to and those with sound on would generally keep the sound down. The 'at full blast' will usually not be ND children.

Maybe venues need the modern equivalent of smoking and non-smoking, a devices section and a no devices section.

i wouldn't have even asked my mum - just told them to turn it down.

Likewise children who run around and create chaos whilst parents ignore them are mostly NT. We can't risk our kids doing that.

My DS was allowed to take a hand held arcade game with him when we went out to eat. It was allowed to be played ONLY if the sound was turned off. No way would he have been allowed to disturb other people. FWIW he has an ASD diagnosis. He was taught that it is not acceptable to disturb others and spoil their day/evening out. YANBU - use headphones or turn the volume off - or give them a colouring book and pencils

Agree with Clocktopus. DD won't wear ear phones with ipad but also can't manage without it. I am mindful to keep volume down when in cafes etc, probably more so than most parents. Having said that I am also much more tolerant than most people as have been on the other side of trying to do normal family things with a very challenging set of circumstances. I try and be as live and let live as possible so I wouldn't have complained either.

No doubt people will come on now to talk about how an iPad on full volume is the only thing that will calm their neurodiverse child.

Really odd that most people assume it's parents of ND kids that allow this. Every parent of ND kids that I know, are hyper vigilant about disturbing other people, because they get enough shit when their kids are not disturbing anyone, but ticking, or not entertaining for the adults, or stressed and need to leave. They don't do things to make their own life extra hard or disturb people around them in extra ways.

Anyway, op yanbu. Whatever the reason, its not fair you can't enjoy something because they decide a child needs a loud tablet and I say that as the mother of a ND child. Who always had is head phones on when we are out. But never loud enough that I, the nearest person to him, can hear it.

But I don't think this is getting worse. I started in hospitality 20 years ago. Kids were noisy and disruptive back then. Custooners still complained about other people's kids. Just not with tablets. Some parents just don't give a shit about other people as long as their precious children are OK. Its always been the same.

Definitely not unreasonable. I have 3 DCs and I’d never let them disturb other diners. My DCs can run around and make as much noise as they want at home (even if I do get abused on MN for not keeping them quiet in their own garden), when out in public places like cafes and restaurants they respect other people at other tables by keeping the noise down.

I have a special needs child and let her use a tablet at restaurants. I also researched and researched headphones and did a lot of trial and error until we finally found some she liked . She has never been allowed to use the tablet in public without headphones.