Child with loud device - settle an argument

[Ideasplease322]

My mum and I went for lunch in a local hotel. A family were seated at the table next to us and they handed their small child an iPad. No headphones.

The child played loud video games throughout lunch - there was crashing and gun fire and sirens. We were in small bar area, no other tables to move to. I wanted to speak to the waiter about asking the family to turn the volume down. My mum wouldn’t let me, she said we would look mean.

I think it is increasingly bad manners to allow a child to play loud video games in a restaurant, however there is really no way to handle it without it being obvious who has complained.

I was happy for them to know, mum said we would then have become 5e people displaying bad manners.

was I unreasonable to want to complain?

@furstivetreats No flaming from me, I agree. I think the more spaces have become family-friendly, the more they’ve become adult-unfriendly. I can’t think of a single place that’s reliably quiet these days.

The parents probably couldn't be bothered to talk to the child so decided that the loud volume of the iPad was more acceptable than the kid screaming it's head off.

I recently took a train journey where a bloke (he appeared to be a grown up) who talked loudly, played music, & watched video clips on his phone for an hour. On my return journey I somehow ended up in the quiet carriage where I felt very restrained.

If we speak out we're in the wrong because it's a kid, if we don't we feel bad because we didn't. No pun intended but there's never a free lunch here.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday who did this - gave her 3yo an iPad with cartoons playing at a loud volume.

I asked if she had headphones - no, he doesn't like them.

I suggested sitting outside - no, it's too cold.

I gently suggested that it might need turning down as the other customers were staring at us quite hard - she laughed, genuinely oblivious, and said 'nobody minds the sound of little children playing.'

So there's an insight into the mindset. I endured the stares and left when I could. Not in a hurry to repeat.

[quote AudacityBaby]@furstivetreats No flaming from me, I agree. I think the more spaces have become family-friendly, the more they’ve become adult-unfriendly. I can’t think of a single place that’s reliably quiet these days.[/quote]
Which is really a shane because the world is generally really loud and having quieter soace you can count on should be possible.

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I had lunch with a friend yesterday who did this - gave her 3yo an iPad with cartoons playing at a loud volume.

I asked if she had headphones - no, he doesn't like them.

I suggested sitting outside - no, it's too cold.

I gently suggested that it might need turning down as the other customers were staring at us quite hard - she laughed, genuinely oblivious, and said 'nobody minds the sound of little children playing.'

So there's an insight into the mindset. I endured the stares and left when I could. Not in a hurry to repeat.

But it’s not little children playing - it’s dreadful, grating electronic sounds.

You needed another push back there - even for yourself not just the other guests.

I don't think anyone objects to short-term or unexpected noise - a baby crying, a noisy toy jangled for a few minutes, a toddler shouting about something.

But if you know, for certain, that your child needs a noisy toy or device for the entire meal or a significant part of it, as in op, why not choose a venue where that would be ok? I mean, the device came out on arrival and before the child asked for it. Or why not ask for a tucked away table, or a time of day when the restaurant might be empty? It seems very thoughtless to me.

Absolutely would have said something, and straight away. We had this in France not long ago. Precious one night out with DH away from toddler DC in two week holiday and I just wasn't having it. Boy about 8 with his grandmother in fancy restaurant. As soon as it started I got up and told her to please get him to turn it down. She was horrified that her angel grandson should not be allowed to do whatever he liked and began ranting and saying how it was impossible to turn off the sound. However, boy understood and looked sheepish and immediately turned off the sound. He knew how loud it was. You have to speak up or they (parent/grandparent or child) will never learn it is bad manners and is disturbing other people, which is not okay.

Had lunch in a pub. Amongst our group was sdd with her two kids,
One ds puts on his device and turns up the volume
I ask him to turn it down
Each time his mum turned it down he turned it up.Eventually a compromised was reached were the volume was just audible.
I dont want to sit having a meal with all this background racket,,Parents should teach their kids some manners regarding these things

Sorry,,meant dsd ,,not sdd

'nobody minds the sound of little children playing.' but it’s not the sound of little children playing! Bloody hell.

The older I get the more likely I am to complain. Some things like nights away or a meal in a restaurant are a rare treat and if there’s an issue that’s easily resolved, like asking someone to turn their volume down, then I will.

What if every kid in the restaurant wanted their iPad up volume?

I'm past giving a fuck now, ask them to rectify it, if they don't I just join in with the noise making, my phone can go pretty loud and my music tastes can be interesting.

Our DC go out very rarely as one of our children is severely disabled. He uses an ipad and cannot wear headphones.
Unfortunately if this upsets you I can do a sad face but this is probably 1 of the 3 meals out my other DC will have because thier brother is so much hard work.
Our son does eat, like environmental sounds and if it wasn't the ipad then it would be him screaming at the top of his voice !!! Not we can tune both these sounds out....the screaming is harder.... !!!
I feel for you normo's just trying to enjoy your multitude of meals out this year !
Ask me to turn it down...ill try....but he usually turns it back up !!!!

#sorrynotsorrywehave3childrennot1

@LabStan

Our DC go out very rarely as one of our children is severely disabled. He uses an ipad and cannot wear headphones. Unfortunately if this upsets you I can do a sad face but this is probably 1 of the 3 meals out my other DC will have because thier brother is so much hard work. Our son does eat, like environmental sounds and if it wasn't the ipad then it would be him screaming at the top of his voice !!! Not we can tune both these sounds out....the screaming is harder.... !!! I feel for you normo's just trying to enjoy your multitude of meals out this year ! Ask me to turn it down...ill try....but he usually turns it back up !!!!

#sorrynotsorrywehave3childrennot1

Why so nasty?

I am so sorry about your son, that must the very difficult. But why are you so aggressive and angry?

And can I ask, would your take your son into a hotel restaurant, knowing his iPad would play full blast and drown out others conversations around him?

How do you know everyone else has many, many lunches out. As I said this was the only lunch I had had with my mum in over a year because she has health issues?

Why does your sons right to a meal out trump my mum? Why are you more important than twenty odd people in that restaurant?

@LabStan

Our DC go out very rarely as one of our children is severely disabled. He uses an ipad and cannot wear headphones. Unfortunately if this upsets you I can do a sad face but this is probably 1 of the 3 meals out my other DC will have because thier brother is so much hard work. Our son does eat, like environmental sounds and if it wasn't the ipad then it would be him screaming at the top of his voice !!! Not we can tune both these sounds out....the screaming is harder.... !!! I feel for you normo's just trying to enjoy your multitude of meals out this year ! Ask me to turn it down...ill try....but he usually turns it back up !!!!

#sorrynotsorrywehave3childrennot1

There are million placea where this is ok and noise is wxpected. There are few where quieter time is expected.

Again. Why can't people just go to the ones bwst suited .. no need to get shitty because some people don't handle noise well

Why can't kids wear headohines

@LabStan As has been pointed out on this thread, some people who aren’t “normos” have disabling issues with noise. I’ve been out for one meal since 2019, and one of the reasons I go so infrequently is because there is no respite for people who suffer with intrusive noise. I sympathise hugely with your struggles but please stop assuming those objecting are just huffy people peeved that that their 8th meal out this month has been spoiled.

Could kids who can't wear headphones possibly wear one of these?

@LabStan I have two disabled DC and two "normos" (). When we go out to eat I choose places that meet their needs and I would take any of the four of them to somewhere aimed at adults or somewhere that is predominantly for subdued conversation - for example, a hotel restaurant - as it's stressful for all involved so I don't subject us to it. When we've stayed in hotels with them we've either chosen a hotel with a family pub for dining (e.g., Premier Inn with attached Beefeater), gone out and found somewhere else to eat, or have ordered room service. Of course life being what it is, sometimes it's unavoidable that we end up somewhere that isn't really suited to them and when that happens we just have to make the best of it that we can but wherever possible we aim to avoid it happening.

*wouldn't take any of the four of them

And in the situation you described where you'd tell him to turn it down but he'd turn it back up, I think most reasonable people would understand that you were at least trying to keep the noise down and wouldn't be quite so irritated by it as opposed to someone totally ignoring their child and leaving them to make as much noise as they like.

"Could kids who can't wear headphones possibly wear one of these?"

I lot of kids who can't wear headphones can't keep hats on either.

There was a guy next to me with his grandchild in Pret this afternoon, they were both watching a noisy cartoon on some device. The man also spent ages chomping something then sucked his fingers loudly then screwed up the wrapper and threw it on the floor. He carried on watching the cartoon when the child's parents had returned and he went to sit with them. I'm betting that there were no disabilities here and the guy just lacked basic manners. There was background music and a general hubbub in the Pret, but it was still so peaceful after they left!

Disabled people cannot just do whatever we want because we're disabled.

Depends how old the child was. By age 4 I’d expect them to wear earphones. If someone is unable to be in a public space without bothering everyone else then perhaps they should consider whether that’s an appropriate place for them to be.