Unsure about letting child go alone to birthday party

[Sparkle1138]

AIBU to not feel comfortable with letting my 9 year old (just turned) go to another 9 year olds party which is an hours drive away (with her parents) and 6 other friends. It's a public place they are going too which will be very busy, espec in school holidays. My mind always thinks worst case scenario. She is sensible, as sensible as a 9 year old can be. I don't want to hold her back but feel she's still a bit young, maybe end of primary school age is more appropriate for these kind of parties?? All her other friends, including her, had their parties at home.

I think that you just have to assess your own child, and to know that she won't be bothered about being away from home, and with other people. I know someone in my village, who has a son of about 9, he tends to be quite clingy with his Mum, and if he gets invited out somewhere to a party etc, he gets upset, and cries, and want's to come home to his Mum straight away.

Did Everybody miss where the op said that she wasn't too keen on the parents to parenting skills? I think that would probably be where I'd be worried too too but don't worry OP at 9 she has the common sense to know not to leave the place and to ask parents for help they need it (just remind her on the way!) Am sure she'll have a great time!

I also sympathise OP.
I’m incredibly anxious about my DC. When I started letting them go into the soft play frame by themselves, I’d be like an undercover FBI agent secretly tracing them with my eyes while trying to appear relaxed. I even took a magazine with me to have at the table as a prop.
I worry about any other kid hurting them. Them getting a bit lost and feeling upset. I worry about other grown ups in the frame that I don’t know. I just worry full stop.

There are reasons in my past why I’m like this but I try my best to not let them know. Don’t be too hard on yourself. A little bit of independence is good for them.

Round here drop of parties start around 5. The idea of a 9 year old not being able to be dropped off at a child's party is wild. At 9 Dd was walking to school alone, going to the local shopping centre or park with her friends, going for bike rides with a friend. By the end of her 9th year she was even picking her little sister up from school and waiting with her as I was 15 minutes late collecting them each day.

It is the hardest part of parenting I think letting them go and allowing them independence to become grown up. It is tricky and anxiety is expected.

You are going to find it tough and I suspect you are going to feel worry the entire time she is at the party - but that is normal. What you have to do is not allow that to stop her or effect her

To add for DD's 8th birthday I had it at a trampoline place. I'm a single parent and actually hoped at least one parent would stay mostly just for a bit of company but nope - they all dropped and ran, even the one who's younger dc also stayed to keep my younger dc company. Most people's round here don't have parties in their homes as we are in a city and homes aren't that big

Crikey she is 9!

Mine have been left at soft play parties since they were 5 and have been going out to play since they were 7.

We took 5 of my DD’ friends to a trampoline park for her 6th birthday (there were 3 adults and 6 children). We took two cars, had enough cars seats, kept a close eye on all the kids.

All the parents seemed fine with it but now wondering if they were a bit nervous

What is the worst case scenario exactly? Do you think she will go missing or get hurt? This could happen during any school trip if that helps but it’s unlikely to ever happen and you can’t stop her living her life and enjoying herself. She’s 9, of course she should be able to do this.

I think some people could do with remembering that it’s been a while since big birthday parties were possible.

I’m very relaxed with things like parties, but my 8yo is naturally much less experienced at being left places than her older siblings were because there were no birthday parties or the likes last year. There was no soft play here until two weeks ago, shut since the first lockdown in March 20, so she was totally out of the way of it.

So parents and kids are going to be a bit more nervous than the parents of a 9yo would have been two years ago.

I think some people could do with remembering that it’s been a while since big birthday parties were possible.

Here in Scotland by June 2020 dc were not included in outdoor numbers but adults were. Plenty drop of parties were had in parks and on beaches as a result which is potentially a lot harder to supervise than soft play . I know it's a little different elsewhere in the UK but most 9 year olds will have been to parties pre covid too.

She had a soft play party when she was 6 with about 15 kids. Hardly any parents stayed.
All depends on that first parent- if the first parent leaves, the others drop and go, if the first stays they all stay!! (I always make sure we're not first!!)

And I honestly do not feel any different about leaving my 8 year old for a couple of hours than I did 2 years ago either. I don't know anyone that is so it's not fact that parents are more nervous

I get it OP. I was probably the most over protective parent on the planet and I could not help it. Of course you are anxious, she is your baby and this is probably the first time she has done this.

I would explain my anxiety to the child's parents and explain to your DD that she is to stay with the group, not wander off even with someone she recognises etc. Then let her go.

I know you will be in bits whilst she is gone but I bet she will have a great time!

In my experience, the children are happy to be together and stick with each other in these places. Any small incidents will be related back to the adults there and sorted quickly.
Think of it as a bit of time for you to have some time to yourself. Choose something that you like to do, and look forward to it.
It will get easier as time goes on....relax. She will love it!

I'm guessing it is a trampoline park type place. I'm my experience even though you sign a waiver they are very careful about accidents in these places. After all, anything bad could have them shut down.

What is the set up? At all soft play I have been to it is controlled entry in and out. A staff member at the desk needs to press the button so you can push the door open. This stops young kids ‘escaping’ as every child must be with an adult to leave. They would be trained that if a kid is screaming ‘let me go, you are not my mum/dad’ etc then a manager would be called to deal with the situation rather than them just being let out. I thought this would be standard as it is all common sense?

At 9yo they would only need to deal with some potential argy bargy with older kids, it’s not like toddlers who potentially play vampire with each other, and that’s not a bad thing. Kids need to develop skills in different social situations. The only other thing I can think of is some adult dragging them into the toilets? At ours toilets are always ridiculously overcrowded, women’s would be out as someone invariably changing a nappy and generally queues. Any I have been to have quite a few staff roaming around and they would be alert for this stuff. No soft play wants to be on front paper of newspaper due to a kid getting abused in the bathroom so they build this sort of thing into monitoring. If someone gets stuck or up too high and suddenly freezes a friend usually sees one of the ‘friendly smiling young girls’ who roam around supervising and they climb up and get them down. Personally I was (and still am) far too fat to fit in the bits you climb up and tube slides down etc so even if I hovered I couldn’t do anything, would probably need to call rescue service to unwedge me.

What specifically are you worried about with your DD?

You cannot be serious? YABU and ridiculous.

If it's just a contained, indoor place (laser quest, trampolining, ninja warrior etc) then I'd be very comfortable with that.

If it were a bigger outdoor venue (like alton towers, or the zoo) then I wouldn't be comfortable, especially if I already thought the parents weren't really "on it".

I also have a fairly short list of people I would trust to drive my child that far, especially having seen the way some parents drive outside the school (where they know there definitely are children walking!) It doesn't matter one tiny bit to me whether other people think I'm too protective.

@BiscuitDrama

What exactly do you think might happen? Maybe we can reassure you if you explain.

I think the concern is always that your child in any given situation will not be afforded the same level of supervision/care/worrying about/ comforting that you would provide! It's part of being a parent, but they will survive, unless the party involves being dropped at Everest base camp. Even then, they'd (probably) be ok!

I'm being very cautious due to Covid where I live so wouldn't agree to this no. I would drive her myself.

We had a party last week and 8 4&5 year olds were left at mine. I'd only met some of the parents once.

She's 9 and will be fine. The number of anxious and controlling mothers on this site is really worrying sometimes

I agree and as the child of a mother who was overprotective and would've driven me at any age rather than let me travel with my friends, it's utterly, utterly suffocating the be the child in this situation, and really stints their development too

@Jobsharenightmare

I'm being very cautious due to Covid where I live so wouldn't agree to this no. I would drive her myself.

What difference would you driving her make to the covid risk?

She wouldn't be in a car; with other people with unknown contacts and poor ventilation for that time. If the event itself is outdoors then it would significantly reduce the risk of transmission.

www.publichealth.hscni.net/publications/advice-car-sharing-english-and-translations