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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unsure about letting child go alone to birthday party

104 replies

Sparkle1138 · 05/08/2021 23:10

AIBU to not feel comfortable with letting my 9 year old (just turned) go to another 9 year olds party which is an hours drive away (with her parents) and 6 other friends. It's a public place they are going too which will be very busy, espec in school holidays. My mind always thinks worst case scenario. She is sensible, as sensible as a 9 year old can be. I don't want to hold her back but feel she's still a bit young, maybe end of primary school age is more appropriate for these kind of parties?? All her other friends, including her, had their parties at home.

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 06/08/2021 08:01

Big soft play? Fine.

(I was thinking zoo or theme park which would be different if you think the parents won't supervise well.)

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/08/2021 08:02

You could drive her yourself instead of her travelling with the others

God please don't do this how embarrassing for her to be the only one to have mummy drop her off rather than travel with her friends

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 06/08/2021 08:06

OP think of it as a step towards giving her some independence. There's little things you can do to prepare her (and clearly you!) for letting her grow up. Presumably she'll be going to secondary school in two years, it's helpful if she can be allowed these moments of doing things without you along the way. Then it won't be such a drama when she goes off to big school.

For you, maybe you could happen to be visiting a town maybe half an hour from the venue? If that eases your anxiety about it?

And this is coming from someone who almost burst into tears in a Brownie meeting when I was told my DD1 wouldn't be allowed to ring me on their residential trip! 😳

Nappyvalley15 · 06/08/2021 08:07

I don't know if you are right or wrong but if i was organising this party I would be fine if another parent wanted to travel separately and help out with the supervision at the venue. Can you offer?

Knackeredmommy · 06/08/2021 08:07

That sounds fine! It's indoors. She'll be ok.

DrDetriment · 06/08/2021 08:09

She's 9 and will be fine. The number of anxious and controlling mothers on this site is really worrying sometimes.

BiscuitDrama · 06/08/2021 08:09

What exactly do you think might happen? Maybe we can reassure you if you explain. Smile

HelloDulling · 06/08/2021 08:12

Which bit of it are you worried about? The journey? Injury? Getting lost?

RedHelenB · 06/08/2021 08:13

@DrDetriment

She's 9 and will be fine. The number of anxious and controlling mothers on this site is really worrying sometimes.
I totally agree with you here.
NautaOcts · 06/08/2021 08:13

Those disclaimer forms can be really scary!

arethereanyleftatall · 06/08/2021 08:14

My dc are a bit older now, and maybe it's local rules; but round my way, around age 6 or 7 is when this would start happening. 9 is actually very old for this to be a first time. But I guess covid has stopped it all, so it's a bit more of a change, and thus a bit scarier. She'll be fine op, it's normal.

Tubbs99 · 06/08/2021 08:22

Seriously OP! Is she your only child? Why not take the opportunity to go and have some me time while she’s at the party? 9 year olds don’t need this much helicoptering.

Cattitudes · 06/08/2021 08:26

Sounds fine to me, we have done similar parties but if you must clip her wings then make some reason why she can only go if you take her - for example drop her off for a few hours on the way to somewhere else, you go off shopping. Actually do it though so she doesn't realise it is due to your anxiety. She is beginning to grow up and needs to learn how to navigate situations without you.

My only concern if there are eight of them (6dc, 2 parents) that they aren't trying to squeeze them into one car if the parents are flakey. Believe it or not that still happens. It probably isn't a problem, they are probably taking two cars. We did a party at that age and had capacity for 14 between our cars, and gave lifts so 8 is perfectly possible but I would maybe check that.

Wilkolampshade · 06/08/2021 08:27

Confused Ummm, I know my perameters might be rather wide but honestly, it's really quite over-anxious to be worried about this unless there's some huge backstory.
FWIW I went to school on my own on the tube from the age of 6, my kids had sleepovers with very close friends from the age of 3 and 5 and youngest boarded at the age of 9....(dons tin hat)

MyriadeOfThings · 06/08/2021 08:29

At the end of primary, your dc will be considered old enough to

  • make their way to school on their own, whether it’s walking, school bus, or public transport
  • stay at home on their own all day during school hols
Etc….

My experience is that it means children need to get some independence earlier on. And that can be by going to a b’day party on their own.
She won’t be on her own. There will be a parent to keep an eye on her.
Give her the chance to do that and enjoy the freedom and responsibility coming with it :):)

gogohm · 06/08/2021 08:30

At 10 my kids school took them to a theme park for the day, they were put into groups of 4 or 5 then sent to explore without the teachers! (Teachers sat by entrance/exit). She's 9 she will be fine

MargotEmin · 06/08/2021 08:32

There is often a tipping point when being 'protective' becomes more harmful than letting them do the thing..

UserStillatLarge · 06/08/2021 08:33

As others have said, 9 is more than old enough for this sort of thing (it would be perfectly normal by "end of primary school age" that she is going to places on her own without any supervision at all to put "normal" into context).

If your mind always goes to worst case scenarios, then is it actually useful to think through the worst case scenario and work through it.

So e.g. if worst case scenario is "she leaves the place, wanders off, gets lost and gets killed by a mad child killer" ... actually rationalise this down to: she's highly unlikely to leave the place and I will drum it into her beforehand that she must not do this; she'll want to stay with her friends so if she does go off it will likely be in a group and there is safety in numbers; if she gets lost she can always ask someone where the place is (and likely it's signposted) but actually is she really going to wander round on her own to the point she gets lost; she knows about stranger danger so won't go off with one; if she does meet a mad child killer it will most likely be in a public place so mad child killer will do nothing. etc.

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 06/08/2021 08:34

@DrDetriment

She's 9 and will be fine. The number of anxious and controlling mothers on this site is really worrying sometimes.
I know, but there will always be worried parents. I can think of many over protective parents when I was a child. This was a good place for OP to talk about it. I don't think people should hold back from talking about their worries on a forum like this.
HummingBeeBox · 06/08/2021 08:38

In the situations I always say that my child would prefer me to take her and stay, and then I offer to help and the parents are usually grateful. Go with your gut feeling, I wouldn't worry about saying you want to take her and stay.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 06/08/2021 08:40

YABU, she’s 9

ApolloandDaphne · 06/08/2021 08:42

If she is keen to go then let her go. She needs to start gaining some independence. Don't let your anxiety hold her back.

Confrontayshunme · 06/08/2021 08:42

Just to play devil's advocate, I dropped my 9yo DD a pool party with three adults supervising 8 girls swimming, and one girl's mum sat there and refused to leave because she absolutely just couldn't ensure her safety. One of the adults is an RNLI volunteer and lifeguard, while the girl's mum couldn't swim! Let your child go on her own.

shouldistop · 06/08/2021 08:44

Why would a 9 year old need to be supervised at a soft play?

Vanilla1Cookies · 06/08/2021 08:46

@DrDetriment

She's 9 and will be fine. The number of anxious and controlling mothers on this site is really worrying sometimes.
100% agree.