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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Discriminating because I’m a single parent?

126 replies

LadybugsUnite · 04/08/2021 21:33

Trying to work out if I’m being unreasonable here. I’m on holiday (U.K.) with two youngish kids (both under 8). The resort won’t let me take the children swimming because I don’t have another adult to supervise the second child. I’ve explained I’m a single parent on holiday and have no option of finding someone to help. They suggested I ‘tag along’ with another family who have less children/more adults? Every time I want to swim! I’ve checked their website and they don’t mention this anywhere online. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable in saying I want to swim with my kids (like I do all the time at home!) or if they’re being realistic about safety?

OP posts:

TeenMinusTests · 05/08/2021 09:23

Given both your children can swim unaided, have you tried asking if they will give them a 'competency' test? How far up the chain have you complained?

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 05/08/2021 09:25

@LadybugsUnite

The children are 5 and 3 and can both swim unaided. I’m just so frustrated that a huge (and free!) part of my holiday plan is wasted. They love swimming and I specifically chose This resort because they have the pool attached so I knew we’d have stuff to do if it was too hot/raining/I’d run out of ideas and wanted to kill time. They knew the children’s ages when I booked so they could have told me :(

Do you mean you want to go swimming yourself and let the kids entertain themselves or do you mean take both children swimming together with you and to stay with you?

PickleAF · 05/08/2021 09:39

It'll be due to the higher risks the younger the child is - yes lifeguards are there to keep an eye out for people in difficultly and step in to help, however if you've got parents with multiple children who can't always have eyes in the backs of their heads watching younger children, then a lifeguard can't also be watching every single child all the time. It's reducing the risk of incident if there's a 1:1 ratio for younger children. Especially if it's a busy holiday pool with structures / toys / play areas in. Unfortunately it might be annoying for you trying to use the facility, but if it's due to risk to life in a risk assessment then it's not discriminatory as it applies equally to anyone with a child to adult ratio above 1:1 (including families with two parents). I know you've said it wasn't clear, but is it not clear on booking but included on the pool section of the website?

Goldbar · 05/08/2021 09:51

I totally fail to understand why this is an issue if there is a lifeguard on duty. Isn't this their job, to check no-one is drowning?

Lifeguards are a secondary line of defence against children drowning. It is the parent's job to prevent their children getting into trouble in the water in the first place. A lifeguard in the distance is less likely to spot that a child is in trouble than a parent focused on that child and more likely only to notice it once the child is seriously distressed or has already been submerged (at which point CPR may be necessary). People can drown in under a minute.

Personally, I think a 2-1 ratio is fine in a square pool with a shallow end so long as the children stay near their parent at all times. Add in climbing structures, different areas, fountains, water caves, slides or anything like that and it's going to be difficult for both children to be supervised properly (and for the lifeguard to see if there's a problem).

Clymene · 05/08/2021 09:53

@EleanorOlephantisjustfine - I think the clue is in the OP's 'they love swimming'.

LakieLady · 05/08/2021 10:06

I'd ask for a copy of their complaints procedure and put in a formal complaint.

If the restrictions weren't made clear, you've effectively been missold a holiday. You paid for a holiday expecting to be able to spend a lot of time in the pool with your kids. You can't do this because of their silly restriction which wasn't publicised, so it's not what you paid for.

And 1:1 is ridiculous. I worked at a holiday playscheme when I was at uni, we used to take kids swimming with a 6:1 ratio.

UserStillatLarge · 05/08/2021 10:09

And 1:1 is ridiculous. I worked at a holiday playscheme when I was at uni, we used to take kids swimming with a 6:1 ratio.

I assume this was older children (8+). There is no pool in the UK that would allow that ratio for younger children.
Or you were at uni 20 years ago.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 05/08/2021 12:39

[quote Clymene]@EleanorOlephantisjustfine - I think the clue is in the OP's 'they love swimming'.
[/quote]
Yes but she also says ‘every time I want to swim’. I was just asking for clarification.

Original poster

LadybugsUnite · 05/08/2021 12:52

@EleanorOlephantisjustfine yeah I was expecting to take the kids with me :)

OP posts:

Sunshineshow · 05/08/2021 13:21

Don’t go nuts but do explain & be persistent in that they never said, and you booked the holiday based upon the swimming. Tell them how disappointed you all are and the position you are now in. Ask if they can come up ideas, do they have babysitters or staff who can buddy up with you. Try to compromise I’d say.

I do sympathise I hate getting caught out by things like that and yes it should have been clear before you booked that’s not fair. However I do understand it, they get so busy, kids everywhere and it only takes a second distraction for it all to go horribly wrong. Best of luck I hope you get a good resolution and try not to let it bring you down too much.

Mintjulia · 05/08/2021 17:18

Make sure you complain to management in writing, and name the pool on here so no-one else gets taken in by their inability (meanness) to provide adequate life guards.

It's just dreadful service.

notanothertakeaway · 05/08/2021 17:49

Is the ratio advertised on their website? If so, and you didn't think to check, then I think you just have to chalk this one up to experience. Disappointing, but not their fault

notanothertakeaway · 05/08/2021 17:50

@notanothertakeaway

Is the ratio advertised on their website? If so, and you didn't think to check, then I think you just have to chalk this one up to experience. Disappointing, but not their fault

Sorry, I've just seen it's not on their website. That's a pity for you

LavendarMoon · 05/08/2021 18:06

Our local pool has a 1:1 ratio for kids under 4. It is a real pain when you have two little ones. It’s not discrimination, but it is terrible if they haven’t made that clear to you during booking or on their website. Buddying up with another family is a, frankly, ridiculous suggestion. You need to complain - screenshot the website pages etc. They aren’t likely to change their policy for you but you may get some refund.

BlueSurfer · 05/08/2021 19:56

[quote LadybugsUnite]@BlueSurfer but they’re choosing to not enter the pool. It’s a choice that prohibits them, this is not my choice. I can’t go because I don’t have the option, not because someone else doesn’t want to come along?[/quote]
But presumably some single parents have ex partners who could enter the pool at the same time and also chose not to. Likewise half of some couples may not be physically capable of going in the water. It’s not discriminatory even though you seem determined to believe otherwise.

It’s not unusual for pools to have their own ratios rather than it being standard throughout the country. It’s on a par with some places wanting a £1 coin to use lockers and some don’t. What is usual is to do your research beforehand especially if it’s an integral part of the holiday.

Jorriss · 05/08/2021 19:58

If it's not on the terms and conditions then it is very unreasonable.

nosyupnorth · 05/08/2021 20:13

They are too young to share supervision. Even if they can swim well for their ages, they will be too small to stand in deeper water and mentally and emotionally do not have the ability to manage themselves without adult assistance in the event of a problem.

Be honest with yourself: if one of them was hurt or was in distress, do you really believe you could provide them with the needed rescue/assistance while simultaneously providing full supervision to the other? What if both of them began to struggle at the same time?

By all means, complain that the policy wasn't made clear at the time of booking, but it is a reasonable health and safey precaution - it is no more prejudiced against single parents than rollercoasters having a height requirement is ageism. Some things are not for small children, including using a pool without focused adult supervision.

PlasticEgg · 06/08/2021 00:23

By their thinking any family of even 2 adults with more than 2 DC's could not go swimming either

Well they could. They could go in separate groups. OP can't go in separate groups because she's only one adult. So she can't use the pool at all and neither can her children. It impacts on her much more than it impacts on a two parent family. A two parent family can still use the pool, just not in the way they had planned to.

Bunnycat101 · 06/08/2021 07:23

I think they have been unreasonable around how they have publicised it if you weren’t aware as that is a major barrier to you having a nice time. But, I think a 1:1 policy is actually reasonable at that age especially if the pool is deep/busy. A lot of hotel pools are quite different from the teaching pools. I’d happily take my 5 and 2yo to a teaching pool on my own but we went swimming last week somewhere new and absolutely needed both of us in the deeper pool. My 5yo is over confident for her abilities in a deep pool abs they both just wanted to jump in all the time.

dottiedodah · 06/08/2021 08:19

I think they are covering their backs tbh.i get its annoying for you but small children can get in trouble very quickly. Maybe see if there is a watermark or beach nearby. Maybe get chatting to other families as they said .they are being ultra careful

Northstar1234 · 06/08/2021 08:51

We have this problem sometimes, we have two parents but too many children! Most places with let you sign a disclaimer. Ask to speak to pool/ site manager as not on website

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2021 08:55

Five and three is quite a long way under eight. I can see the pools issue. I don’t think it’s a life guard issue. Just those ages in th water do need close supervision.

However it should be noted on their website.

FourTeaFallOut · 06/08/2021 09:00

They needed to be up front with their policy so that you could make an informed decision about whether you would like to stay at this resort and clearly the answer would have been no. What a waste.

Bunnycat101 · 06/08/2021 09:37

There was an incident in one of our local pools a few years ago where the parents had tried to get around the ratios. They had 4 kids and paid for 2 adults but only one adult entered the water. One of the children (about 3/4) got into difficulty and the pool was evacuated as they resuscitated the child. They were extremely lucky there wasn’t a fatality.

Sleepyblueocean · 06/08/2021 10:33

It is not discriminatory but it should be in their terms and conditions.

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