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AIBU?

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Original poster

Discriminating because I’m a single parent?

126 replies

LadybugsUnite · 04/08/2021 21:33

Trying to work out if I’m being unreasonable here. I’m on holiday (U.K.) with two youngish kids (both under 8). The resort won’t let me take the children swimming because I don’t have another adult to supervise the second child. I’ve explained I’m a single parent on holiday and have no option of finding someone to help. They suggested I ‘tag along’ with another family who have less children/more adults? Every time I want to swim! I’ve checked their website and they don’t mention this anywhere online. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable in saying I want to swim with my kids (like I do all the time at home!) or if they’re being realistic about safety?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/08/2021 22:03

It does seem a ridiculous policy!! Not discriminatory I’d have thought because a couple with more than two children couldn’t go in either. But usually 2 children to one adult is ok once they’re over about 4?

m0therofdragons · 04/08/2021 22:05

So 2 adults with 3 dc can’t swim? 2 under 8s per 1 adult is normal (meant I never took Dd1 and dtds swimming but I could take dtds swimming once Dd1 was at school.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 04/08/2021 22:07

I would be asking for it in writing, it is usually 1 adult to 2 children.

How do they deal with larger families?

I think someone has maybe got it wrong. There must be lots of single parents with 2 children, or just a adult who doesn't like swimming so the other parent takes 2 children in.

ForgedInFire · 04/08/2021 22:08

1-to-1 is silly, a competent adult can monitor 2 children swimming. I have 3 children under 8 and I can understand why pools wouldn't allow me to take them all alone as in an emergency I might need a hand for each child. But when my older 2 were non swimming babies I could manage them both in the pool just fine

MumofBoys79 · 04/08/2021 22:09

If this is their policy, this should have been clearly stated/ highlighted in their brochure/info. I imagine you booked this place because it had a swimming pool.

DeathStare · 04/08/2021 22:11

I wonder what they do with two parent families with 3 or more children?

Aprilx · 04/08/2021 22:12

I have just checked the rules at my leisure club, which is in a hotel. You wouldn’t be allowed there either as it is a 1:1 ratio for 5 year old and under.

I am sure it is not discrimination however, I would expect it is for safety reasons rather than any attitude towards single parents.

GLTM · 04/08/2021 22:12

I think it is probably for their insurance, but that doesn't make it fair, and it doesn't mean it doesn't discriminate. They definitely should have warned you and the many others that have probably been caught out as well.

I would ask to speak to the management and ask them for a practical and real solution given they didn't give you a warning or say you will accept a 50% reimbursement for your holiday. If they say tag a long with other families then say that they need to introduce you to such families that would be willing and you don't know any. Otherwise if they don't come up with a solution ask them to provide a staff member that can swim with you when you want to go swimming. I'm sure some of the staff would enjoy it and there's a small chance they might agree to it.

PinniGig · 04/08/2021 22:14

Not discriminating against you as a single parent my brother and his wife couldn't take all four of their girls in the pool together for the same reason.

I would not do the job of a pool lifeguard in a million years the videos they upload on YouTube with "Can you spot the person drowning?" are bad enough. I never clock the person in distress either and even when the lifeguard blows the whistle and jumps in I'm still not sure who they're going in after.

I agree it's a pisser and could be made clearer beforehand but would suggest if possible making a buddy swimmer from others I'm sure there'll be others that won't mind.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/08/2021 22:24

It's not discriminatory it's for safety reasons. There have to be hard and fast rules that are non subjective (like can swim unaided) otherwise people will take the piss.

That said they should make this completely clear at the time of booking and should be giving you a massive refund if they have effectively hidden from you that a massive part of the holiday has been made unavailable to you

Clymene · 04/08/2021 22:27

I would be very surprised if a pool at a holiday park has a 1-1 ratio. Because it would impact a huge number of their guests.

twinningatlife · 04/08/2021 22:28

It's not discriminatory why do people always leap to that 🤷‍♀️

It's a perfectly standard rule when it comes to a swimming pool - I don't know any that allow 1 adult per 2 under 8s - you are a bit naive to think that the rules on holiday would be any different to the ones at your local council run swimming pool

Original poster
LadybugsUnite · 04/08/2021 22:31

@twinningatlife that’s the issue, I thought they’d be the same? We go swimming at home all the time, it’s never been an issue, I didn’t even think of it. But here, at a holiday resort it is. I just couldn’t decide if I was being unreasonable expecting it to be the same or not :)

OP posts:
Clymene · 04/08/2021 22:36

Looking at your children's ages again, I wonder if it's because your youngest is under 4. Can they really swim at 3!

JulesCobb · 04/08/2021 22:41

@twinningatlife

It's not discriminatory why do people always leap to that 🤷‍♀️

It's a perfectly standard rule when it comes to a swimming pool - I don't know any that allow 1 adult per 2 under 8s - you are a bit naive to think that the rules on holiday would be any different to the ones at your local council run swimming pool

Can you link to a pool where the ratio is 1-1 for under 8’s?
beigebrownblue · 04/08/2021 22:41

I don't think they would be asking a two parent family if both parents can swim.

Can't see that somehow.

So yes, I do personally think it is single parent discrimination.

I would complain and ask for some money back.

If there is a lifeguard on duty and you are with your kids, can't see what the problem is.

jumpbounce · 04/08/2021 22:43

Common policy around us. Just on the local pools website and under 4's must be 1:1

All children under 4 years of age must be accompanied by a responsible adult / person (over 16 years), on a one to one basis

The requirements of the Child Admission Policy means that for example, one adult will not be able to gain admission to the water with three children under 8 years, and that a child under 4 years and one between 4 – 7 years must be accompanied by 2 responsible adults

ohthatbloodycat · 04/08/2021 22:44

Well, I think it's really unfair OP. YANBU Thanks

NicLondon1 · 04/08/2021 22:44

Could you put the 3 year old in armbands?

Goldbar · 04/08/2021 22:49

It depends on the type of pool. If it's just a bog standard pool where you can see the whole pool from wherever you are, I'd feel more confident taking two young children swimming there as I could quickly spot if one was in trouble. So YANBU in that instance.

If the pool has different sections/jacuzzi/splash area/slides or anything which means that you can't clearly see the whole pool from one spot, then you really need one adult tailing each child given how young your children are since you could not quickly spot if one was in trouble. I presume you'd be within arm's length of 3yo at all times which means 5yo might go out of sight and could easily drown in a couple of minutes without you seeing. You can't rely on the lifeguards to spot them if they're in trouble. So YABU.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2021 22:52

It's not up to them to look at your children's ages and inform you of the swimming rules. It's frustrating because some pools allow 1 adult to 2 under 8s, though near me they're the ones with children's pools separate from the main pool.

They'll have done their risk assessment. It's frustrating but not single parent discrimination m

felulageller · 04/08/2021 22:55

You wouldn't be allowed to take them swimming in my local authority or any other one I know of. I assumed everywhere was 1:1 for under 4s and 1:2 for 4-7s.

It is discrimination but it's also about safety as almost no under 4s can swim unaided.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/08/2021 23:12

This is insane.

I took my 3 swimming as a single parent - 2, 4, 6 at the time. Of course we stayed mainly in the shallow end.

I'm not sure if it might be the case that there is no shallow end? Tho I've never heard of such a pool.

As others have said, it would affect many parents, not only single parents if this was applied.

LumpyandBumps · 04/08/2021 23:14

Center Parcs state under 4’s have to have one to one supervision by someone aged at least 16. After that it is 2 per adult up to the age of 8.
It’s bad that the hotel policy wasn’t made clear in your booking conditions.

Imcatmum · 04/08/2021 23:17

There was quite a few years where I had to wait for my mum to visit to take my 4 swimming as we needed 3 adults. It's a pain but in a few years you'll get past it.