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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Discriminating because I’m a single parent?

126 replies

LadybugsUnite · 04/08/2021 21:33

Trying to work out if I’m being unreasonable here. I’m on holiday (U.K.) with two youngish kids (both under 8). The resort won’t let me take the children swimming because I don’t have another adult to supervise the second child. I’ve explained I’m a single parent on holiday and have no option of finding someone to help. They suggested I ‘tag along’ with another family who have less children/more adults? Every time I want to swim! I’ve checked their website and they don’t mention this anywhere online. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable in saying I want to swim with my kids (like I do all the time at home!) or if they’re being realistic about safety?

OP posts:
CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 05/08/2021 08:20

We have 3 kids and have had the same problem. At Legoland the hotel pool is really shallow and we couldn't take our 6, 4 and 2 year old even though the younger two had armbands and the elder can swim and wouldn't have been out of her depth anywhere in the pool!

StrongArm · 05/08/2021 08:22

I would ask for a refund for a large portion of the holiday costs as they didn't warn you about this in advance

I was a single parent and used to get this all the time. It drove me absolutely mad. I don't know what they expect you to do but what they should have done is forewarn you because had they done, you would not have gone on holiday there!

pinkcircustop · 05/08/2021 08:25

YABU. It’s a safety issue and a perfectly reasonable requirement if you want to use their facilities.

You’re not being discriminated against Hmm

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 05/08/2021 08:26

What resort are you in, OP? Or what company? Haven clearly state their policy and every pool I’ve ever looked at or been to states the ratio is 1:1 for under 8s.

It’s not silly, it’s sensible.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 05/08/2021 08:27

I’m honestly baffled at the amount of people who don’t know the ratios.

Aprilx · 05/08/2021 08:28

@StrongArm

I would ask for a refund for a large portion of the holiday costs as they didn't warn you about this in advance

I was a single parent and used to get this all the time. It drove me absolutely mad. I don't know what they expect you to do but what they should have done is forewarn you because had they done, you would not have gone on holiday there!

Always somebody that wants to get something for nothing. 🙄 Why would it be a large portion of the costs? Good luck with that anyway.
Fullyhuman · 05/08/2021 08:31

That sucks! 1:1 is an unreasonable rule. I’d ask for a partial refund because they didn’t advertise their policy. But I’d go into the conversation armed with the web pages of several other swimming pools with a 1:2 policy, which is more common ime, and ask it be referred to mgmt to reconsider, ideally in time for your family to have a swim.

notanothertakeaway · 05/08/2021 08:31

@TerraNovaTwo

I get discriminated against all the time for being a single mother. There's still a lot of stigma attached IMO
This is a safety issue, not discrimination or stigma

Possible the pool are being overly cautious, or perhaps a sensible rule, but it's not designed to penalise single parents.

itsgettingwierd · 05/08/2021 08:32

@MotionActivatedDog

So a couple with 3 or 4 children couldn’t go in as a family either? It would have to be one parent swim with one child while the other watches the other 2/3?
This.

My parents had 3 of us and all under 8 when my brother was born.

By that age I could swim 400m confidently because my parents put me in lessons knowing they be having more children.

1:1 is a ridiculous ratio.

In a small baby's pool 2:1 is fine.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/08/2021 08:34

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

I’m honestly baffled at the amount of people who don’t know the ratios.
I know. Even my childless friends know there are rules in place re ratios with small children in swimming pools at lots of venues for safety reasons.
EarringsandLipstick · 05/08/2021 08:39

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

I’m honestly baffled at the amount of people who don’t know the ratios.
Why baffled? The ratios differ from area to area, pool to pool, locality to locality.

I've already mentioned that I swam in my local pool with 3 DC, 2, 4 & 6.

woodfort · 05/08/2021 08:45

1:1 is a crazy ratio! I take my two swimming on my own twice a week. Neither is an independent swimmer although oldest can swim alone with armbands or a noodle under supervision. If I wasn’t able to do this I would have to quit the leisure centre as this is a large amount of what I use it for.
Our pool has a 1:3 ratio! Honestly, I reckon I could do that. 2 is fine.

woodfort · 05/08/2021 08:48

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

What resort are you in, OP? Or what company? Haven clearly state their policy and every pool I’ve ever looked at or been to states the ratio is 1:1 for under 8s.

It’s not silly, it’s sensible.

Every pool???? I have never seen 1:1. I go swimming twice a week.
ChainJane · 05/08/2021 08:54

I think the policy is sensible, there needs to be at least one adult supervising each child. What happens if both of them get into trouble at the same time, how can you save both? Sure there's a lifeguard but what if multiple adults are supervising multiple children, all of whom get into trouble at once.

I get the fact it's annoying they didn't spell this rule out in advance - however, I think the idea that the ratio should be 1:1 is plain common sense.

StrongArm · 05/08/2021 08:54

@Aprilx why not? it's totally ruined her holiday. She went there for the swimming and now can't swim! And they didn't warn her about it! Can you not be so rude please? I find it incredibly insulting that you accuse me of being someone who wants to get 'something for nothing' when you actually don't know me.

Mydogsbetterthanyourdog · 05/08/2021 08:59

I don't think it's discrimination but it is very unfair. By their thinking any family of even 2 adults with more than 2 DC's could not go swimming either

Original poster
LadybugsUnite · 05/08/2021 09:00

@Willwebebuyingnumber11 just look at the answers on the thread! Pools seem to make individual decisions, it’s different everywhere apparently!

Randomly, we went to Haven last year and I took them both in by myself no problem!

OP posts:
Ozanj · 05/08/2021 09:03

Complain. That policy should be written down so you knew BEFORE booking and tagging along with another family is a huge safeguarding concern that opens kids up to abuse.

Original poster
LadybugsUnite · 05/08/2021 09:03

@Aprilx I’m going to be asking the holiday company to refund some money because I’m having to pay to go to other places, rather than use the ‘free’ on site pool. I’d planned to swim most days, but now I’m having to come up with other things to do. Ironically, this includes driving 20 minutes to pay to use another pool (which have no issues with me taking two kids in)

OP posts:
Ozanj · 05/08/2021 09:04

Name and shame the holiday resort on Twitter Op. I’m guessing it’s one of the fully booked til 2022 ones & they’re saying that because they have booked too many people in their pools so are picking off easy targets.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/08/2021 09:05

I can’t see them refunding anything as it’s not there fault you can’t swim due to ratios or that you choose to do paid for things instead rather than free ones.

Ozanj · 05/08/2021 09:06

[quote LadybugsUnite]@Aprilx I’m going to be asking the holiday company to refund some money because I’m having to pay to go to other places, rather than use the ‘free’ on site pool. I’d planned to swim most days, but now I’m having to come up with other things to do. Ironically, this includes driving 20 minutes to pay to use another pool (which have no issues with me taking two kids in)[/quote]
Get a refund for breakfast / lunch and travel cost to the pool too - you can probably go elsewhere & buy breakfast on the way and lunch on the way back. Why should you be inconvenienced because they didn’t write their policy down?

pinkcircustop · 05/08/2021 09:06

Shame them for looking after the safety of their guests? Brilliant 😂

If I saw that it would just make me think they were a company that cared and put safety first and therefore be more likely to book then.

Clymene · 05/08/2021 09:07

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I can’t see them refunding anything as it’s not there fault you can’t swim due to ratios or that you choose to do paid for things instead rather than free ones.
It's their fault for not making their ratios clear beforehand.
vivainsomnia · 05/08/2021 09:16

It's ridiculous but not discrimination against single parents because it could apply to families too.

I was a single mum of two young kids and never experienced this. Not at our local pool and not on holidays, but then again, this was always abroad.

I totally fail to understand why this is an issue if there is a lifeguard on duty. Isn't this their job, to check no-one is drowning? So a parent of two, who can of course supervise both, as they do every single day of their life at home, with armbands, and a lifeguard, and yet the risks are too high. Utterly madness!

I really for you OP and yes, I would ask for a partial refund if it is nowhere specified on their advertising.