Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not enjoy my children?

131 replies

TheBoredom · 04/08/2021 11:00

All the time?

Because of the Covid situation completely screwing up childcare this summer I am taking 4 weeks of parental leave plus 2 weeks annual leave to cover the school holidays. It would have cost £2k to use holiday clubs locally which is more than I earn. There is only one which would take both of them (there are more for 5+) 8-6pm. Usually grandparents would help too but they would not this year. DH is too busy and important to take more than 2 weeks leave for our holiday (last two weeks of the holidays).

DC are 4&6.

I am sick of "muuuummmy".
I am bored to tears.
The noise. DS roars all of the time and DD has a high pitched girly shriek.
They are bored of all of their toys.
They refuse to play in the garden, they prefer trashing the house.
The house is a mess.
Everything has to be booked a month ahead.
Over the park.
The fighting.
The constant snacks.
I am lonely and yet I don't get 5 minutes peace.
The weather has been mostly rubbish.
They had to isolate for a week at the end of term too so we have been off for 3 weeks already.
Money - I had £100 a week (£400) to spend on treats/ days out. I thought this would be loads but it barely covers anything - a trip to the cinema with popcorn and a drink cost over £30, swimming was £20. Petrol for days out - I have spent £100 more than usual. Our roof has sprung a leak and so we have had to dip into our holiday spending money to pay for it and so I am under pressure not to spend much so that we can enjoy our holiday at the end of the month.
My friends seem to be flaky - I made plans for play dates etc but they all seem to cancel/ amend the plans which makes them shit (eg my best friend from school lives two hours away, we planned to visit for a couple of days but she got a better offer so reduced it to a day trip which was just long and tedious with the DC fighting and shouting all the way home). Others want to go to soft play and have lunch out which would be another £30-£40.

My work got no cover for me and so my work is just building up. I feel panicked about that and end up logging on to work (work have said they will pay me back for this but it isn't the point - they should have got cover). I get calls and messages throughout the day. This is not helping at all.

I feel bad that I am not enjoying them. DH keeps telling me I should enjoy these days but I really, really don't. I am marking the days off like a prisoner.

We do have some good times - I have taken them out to as many places as I can but these are short lived. Today I am waiting in for the roofing man so we are stuck inside and DH has decided to work from home so that he can be here when the roof man comes (but we can't go out in case he is on a call when he turns up) but he is complaining about the noise (and has banned the tv because DS hit him).

Aargh. Roll on September.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/08/2021 15:21

Your DH needs to get his head out of his arse!

If he’s there to see the roofer he deals with it and you can go out. He should fix a time with the roofer when he’s not in a meeting - I know builders don’t like to be pinned down but tbh that’s what I have to do as wfh and building works going on.

If you have to be there for the roofer he can get his arse into work.

He also doesn’t get to make rules about “no telly” which just makes your life harder if he’s not the one taking the consequences of that rule.

lurker69 · 04/08/2021 15:22

mine are 3,5 & 6 OMG i am already at the point of dreading getting up in the morning, the constant arguing and shouting (even when playing) is driving me insane.

Mistyplanet · 04/08/2021 15:29

I found this system so helpful for my kids. Anyone struggling check it out below. Its all about getting kids to take responsibility for managing their time and entertaining themselves.

TheVolturi · 04/08/2021 15:32

I am totally with you today op FlowersFlowers

Basilandparsleyandmint · 04/08/2021 15:39

When my two were little we always had national trust cards which were a god send for activities in the summer holidays. Long walks and picnics and usually an ice cream at the end and then I didn’t feel bad about them watching tv so I could chill out for an hour / tidy up chaos Smile

LeafyGreen333 · 04/08/2021 15:44

I really needed to read this today. I'm ill. My 2 and 3 year old are just getting over being ill. Before this week where we've all been ill, I had 3 weeks of them having covid cases in their nursery bubbles and having to have them at home. I can't handle it any more and the TV is on permanently. I've been trying to wfh throughout it all and the stress is off the scale. DH is a key worker and needs to go to work each day. I'm not sure how much more I can take and I'm really not enjoying parenthood atm. I just need a break and some time alone to compose myself but it never comes. You have my sympathy.

Jillish · 04/08/2021 15:45

Sorry it’s so crap for you and you have a useless DH.

One thing we do to make things a bit cheaper is annual passes- we all have one to a local activity farm and a local zoo. I also take them to local play parks and sit and watch them with a coffee.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/08/2021 15:46

Honestly though I think you are sensible taking some unpaid time off. Really thinking about doing it another year!

MiddleParking · 04/08/2021 15:48

Yeah, no, as I said, either you’re taking calls you can’t duck out of in which case you can’t work at home to let the roofer in, or you can work from home to let the roofer in and you can duck out of your calls. You can’t tell either your employer/client or your wife that you’re working at home to let the roofer in if you’re not, in fact, available to do that. Otoh, he might just be working at home because he wants to and it’s nothing to do with the roofer at all, in which case he has to suck up his family making ‘existing’ noises around him.

RevolvingPivot · 04/08/2021 15:50

I hear you op. Mine are 2 years apart also.

I'm a SAHM.
Husband works away even at the weekend.
It's awful.

Mine don't listen and constantly fight over anything. It's just something we have to get through. Mine are a bit older now but still fight and are around me all the time but it gets easier.

Comedycook · 04/08/2021 15:52

I agree with PP who mentioned lazier mornings, going out later tends to shorten the day

This is true.. I like us all to get up slightly late...so after 8.30/9..then mooch about for ages in pjs and having breakfast. Keeps the day shorter. DH leaves for work before I'm up. He thought I was being lazy and should get up earlier but I explained to him it's part of my plan. If we get up early the day feels never ending

TooStressyTooMessy · 04/08/2021 16:03

YANBU. The school summer holidays are AWFUL. I am not convinced my kids even enjoy them. Expectations of having an amazing time are so high that it is impossible to live up to them. Enjoy this time?!!! Nope.

I do actually enjoy parenting in term time and like the other holidays but summer is miserable. I have a chart and I mark the weeks off Grin. It is a case of lowering expectations and gritting your teeth. Ignore your DH, he is clearly clueless about the reality.

mistermagpie · 04/08/2021 16:13

I'm with you OP. I've got a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 1 year old and I could have written your post word for word.

Thank god I'm in Scotland so I've only got a week and a half left...

Comedycook · 04/08/2021 16:24

I am not convinced my kids even enjoy them

Same...we enjoy the odd day out and activity but generally they prefer the routine of school. They both love school so actually miss it. They don't see their friends much either...most parents are working so kids are with grandparents or in childcare anyway.

Comedycook · 04/08/2021 16:25

School holidays are too long imo. A month would be sufficient and a nice length of time

Original poster
TheBoredom · 04/08/2021 16:48

I think that's it too - my DC don't enjoy the holidays either! They prefer routine. They even prefer the school food Confused and seeing their friends every day.

They wake up by 6am without fail, even last night they didn't go to bed until 8.30pm but still up at 5.55am. It makes for a very long day.

DH earns more than me but not mega bucks - he brings in about £2500 a month. We are both key workers and have worked throughout the lockdowns and juggled things between us - I think I saw these holidays as a break for me too - I was so wrong!

We bought this house 2 years ago and it has been a bit of a nightmare with things going wrong - the roof is just another thing in a long list which has eaten into our savings. We should be on a more even keel now DD is starting school and our child care bill will halve. At the moment half our income goes on the mortgage and childcare.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 04/08/2021 16:49

I think if DH is working from home the so be it .He cannot complain about the noise while barring the electronic Nanny! Most DC need an hour or two of downtime with a favourite show/DVD/Olympics! Tell him to lock himself in the kitchen /bedroom /Garage with his desk and suck it up! its summer hols FFS!

dottiedodah · 04/08/2021 16:57

ActonSquirrel Why on earth does anyone have DC? No one enjoys childcare 24/7! This lady is in a bind here .Some days will be OK some wont .We are about half way through the holidays and DC will be getting bored and Shock/Horror may "play up" Its what they do!

toolazytothinkofausername · 04/08/2021 17:06

DC 4&6 YANBU to not enjoy your children.

My DC are 8&10 and they are much better than their younger selves. Older children are more fun 😃

Musication · 04/08/2021 17:27

@TheBoredom

I think that's it too - my DC don't enjoy the holidays either! They prefer routine. They even prefer the school food Confused and seeing their friends every day.

They wake up by 6am without fail, even last night they didn't go to bed until 8.30pm but still up at 5.55am. It makes for a very long day.

DH earns more than me but not mega bucks - he brings in about £2500 a month. We are both key workers and have worked throughout the lockdowns and juggled things between us - I think I saw these holidays as a break for me too - I was so wrong!

We bought this house 2 years ago and it has been a bit of a nightmare with things going wrong - the roof is just another thing in a long list which has eaten into our savings. We should be on a more even keel now DD is starting school and our child care bill will halve. At the moment half our income goes on the mortgage and childcare.

How responsible is the 6 year old? If you leave the cereal and bowls out and make the milk accessible can he or she make breakfast and stick the telly on for half an hour? You could at least start your day a bit later then
Comedycook · 04/08/2021 17:29

Individual wrapped croissants, a banana and juice cartons are a great breakfast to leave out for your kids if you don't want to get up as early as them!

Susannahmoody · 04/08/2021 17:39

They wake up by 6am without fail, even last night they didn't go to bed until 8.30pm but still up at 5.55am. It makes for a very long day.

^

Earlier bed. 8.30pm is way too late. Plus you need a break.

Here's my routine :

Up, breakfast. 1 hour TV.
Out the door - Park, walk, bike ride, etc, has to be outdoors.

Home for lunch.
Quiet hour.

Some other activity foe an hour, preferably outside the house - library, etc.

Home, dinner. Bath, snack, bed by 7.30pm.

You need to check free and cheap activities - swimming pool, soft play etc. They have early bird specials.

WaterBottle123 · 04/08/2021 17:51

@MiddleParking

Absolutely no one has a job where they can choose to work from home for a tradesperson coming but couldn’t jump off a call to open the door to said tradesperson. Especially not someone who claims that said job is ‘important’.
@MiddleParking

Exactly. The more senior you are the EASIER it to say be right back, just answering the door.

Pottedpalm · 04/08/2021 17:59

@WaterBottle123
You are joking, right?

Original poster
TheBoredom · 04/08/2021 18:12

My DS is the 6yr old and absolutely would not go downstairs on his own. He is scared of his own shadow and badgers us to get up with him.

8.30pm bedtime was a one off because we had gone to see my friend, usually they are in bed asleep at 7.30pm.

DH is on calls pretty constantly and he can't just step away - this is why he usually goes into the office, less distractions. He wanted to be here today because of the roofer coming - and he was hard to get here, we have been waiting 2 weeks and he would only give a vague time. Anyway, he came, £1500 which will pretty much wipe out the rest of our savings.

Tomorrow is another day.

OP posts: