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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want people to stop contacting me while on holiday?

99 replies

Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:20

So I'm burning out and use apps and social media constantly as part of my job.

Day 1 of annual leave, a colleague messages me. Day 2, another colleague messages me. My relative who is usually obsessively in touch says 'have a nice break!' but then starts sending me loads of messages the next day.

I want to cry FFS, does anyone else think this is really rude knowing I am on holiday? AIBU to tell everyone I will not be in touch until I return?

OP posts:
Hissysnake · 03/08/2021 22:21

You don't need to respond. Just turn off notifications on the apps.

LavendulaAngustifolia · 03/08/2021 22:22

Turn your notifications off.

WeAreTheHeroes · 03/08/2021 22:23

Turn your phone off and don't take it with you? Or, do as you've suggested. At the very least disable notifications then you won't know you've got messages unless you open the relevant app.

IcedSpice · 03/08/2021 22:24

Just ignore them, you're bringing it on yourself by checking, or responding to alerts

You want to be left alone, act like you are

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:26

I personally wouldn't dream of continually messaging someone I know is stressed out and in need of a break. That is why I find it very rude.

I feel guilty about ignoring them which is ridiculous! It's annoying because even when I mute WhatsApp I see the icon pop up.

OP posts:
daisypond · 03/08/2021 22:26

Just turn your phone off. I do.

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/08/2021 22:26

Just don't reply until you want to. No need to make any big statements. Ideally set an out of office response on work email.
It's not rude to message someone. (Unless they are harassing you for a response).

Falleybollolo · 03/08/2021 22:27

Put a status notification on WhatsApp 'on the beach no wifi here till...' and turn your phone off.

Sirzy · 03/08/2021 22:27

Switch the phone off!

PostMenWithACat · 03/08/2021 22:29

This is why I have a work phone and a personal phone. LinkedIn is on work phone; Facebook which is friends only is on personal phone. WhatsApp groups do not overlap.

daisypond · 03/08/2021 22:30

You are being unreasonable to expect people not to send messages - that you can choose to look at on your return from holiday, or when you feel like it. But you are choosing to look at them. That’s barmy and completely unreasonable of you to blame other people for something that is under your control.

Doublestar · 03/08/2021 22:30

Why don't you just leave your phone in a cupboard for the duration of your holiday? Let one close family member know where you are in case of an emergency if you feel the need and just yeah...don't look at it - it's not that hard - I never look at my phone when on holiday.

I think it's really sad that people nowadays are unable to function without constantly checking their phone. You do know most people didn't even have them as recently as 20 years ago?

youdoyoutoday · 03/08/2021 22:31

You're addicted to your phone, OP.
Leave it on the side and go for walk, you want a break so give it to yourself.

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:32

That's a good idea @Falleybollolo. I'll add a holiday status in.

OP posts:
LtDansleg · 03/08/2021 22:32

My phone gets switched off at the beginning of the holiday. If there’s a genuine emergency then people can make the effort to contact the hotel. Why are you on your phone so much on holiday?

LemonFantaGin · 03/08/2021 22:33

This is exactly why uour burned out and need a break, uninstall whatsapp or mute it and hide it in a different location and switch off!

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:35

It's a force of habit. I need to use the phone every day for work and have got used to it.

You are all quite right, I am in control of the situation and will just put the phone aside apart from when I'm looking places up. My peace of mind and need for a break is too important.

The relative gets arsey if I don't reply within a day or so usually but they know Im on holiday so that is on them

OP posts:
PhoboPhobia · 03/08/2021 22:35

I’m a bit confused. Is the relative contacting you about work? Are they also a work colleague? You need to have separate work accounts so you can switch off.

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:37

No the relative and colleague are different people.

The colleague has NEVER contacted me on WhatsApp before so I wondered who it was. At work we talk on Teams and she wanted to talk to me about a drama at work...just no.

OP posts:
Zealois · 03/08/2021 22:37

Yeah, you do have to just ignore. I was off for a week recently and people kept messaging me for the first couple of days but they got the hint. It did help that I was somewhere with poor signal, so I was less tempted to be on my phone.

Hekatestorch · 03/08/2021 22:42

Are the colleagues messaging about work stuff?
The relative can't be messaging about worn though can they?

You say first day of annual leave. The you are on holiday are you away or just in annual leave.

If someone I was related to was away on holiday I wouldn't message them. But if they were just on annual leave I would. I don't know anyone who expects people not to message because they are on annual leave. Also some people do spend time on holiday messaging others. One of my friends just away in the UK and messaged as normal. All instigated by her.

If colleagues are messaging about work, unless it's a real emergency they shouldn't be doing.

Peoniesandpeaches · 03/08/2021 22:42

You can also either hide WhatsApp within a folder or temporarily delete it if the notifications are bugging you.

Notimeforaname · 03/08/2021 22:42

Ugh I feel you op. Recently my friend over over 20 years stopped talking to be because I didn't reply to a message whilst I was on a weekend away with my partner.
I was getting texts then calling me 'rude' and asking why I cant be happy for their good news. It turned Into a huge thing about me leaving their message 'seen' .
I then ignored again to finish my weekend and had more massages saying they ''get the drift''Hmm .

After my weekend I sent a message saying while I understand my friend is anxious , it's not my job to constantly reassure them with texts..I have a life too! Friend read it...ignored and had their mother text me to tell me not to contact my friend again because I'm manipulative.Confused we're in our 30's.

Anyway I kind of rambled there..just ignore op. yanbu. I hope you get to enjoy the rest of your holiday In peace!!

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:45

@Hekatestorch

Are the colleagues messaging about work stuff? The relative can't be messaging about worn though can they?

You say first day of annual leave. The you are on holiday are you away or just in annual leave.

If someone I was related to was away on holiday I wouldn't message them. But if they were just on annual leave I would. I don't know anyone who expects people not to message because they are on annual leave. Also some people do spend time on holiday messaging others. One of my friends just away in the UK and messaged as normal. All instigated by her.

If colleagues are messaging about work, unless it's a real emergency they shouldn't be doing.

I'm on holiday by the beach. I just saw my relative who knows I am burned out and needing peace and quiet. They said 'have a great time! Xx' but straight away they are bombarding me with loads of inane messages.

The colleague was wanting to rant about work stuff - I don't want to hear it, there will be plenty time for that when I'm back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 03/08/2021 22:48

@Notimeforaname

Ugh I feel you op. Recently my friend over over 20 years stopped talking to be because I didn't reply to a message whilst I was on a weekend away with my partner. I was getting texts then calling me 'rude' and asking why I cant be happy for their good news. It turned Into a huge thing about me leaving their message 'seen' . I then ignored again to finish my weekend and had more massages saying they ''get the drift''Hmm .

After my weekend I sent a message saying while I understand my friend is anxious , it's not my job to constantly reassure them with texts..I have a life too! Friend read it...ignored and had their mother text me to tell me not to contact my friend again because I'm manipulative.Confused we're in our 30's.

Anyway I kind of rambled there..just ignore op. yanbu. I hope you get to enjoy the rest of your holiday In peace!!

My relative is like this. I really, really miss the days when we weren't tethered to our phones and there weren't expectations for us to be always 'on'.

Bring back letter writing and they'll hear from me in a week Smile but that is ridiculous that your friend reacted that way - you have a life and she's acting like a teenager imo

OP posts: