To want people to stop contacting me while on holiday?

[Lizzie523]

So I'm burning out and use apps and social media constantly as part of my job.

Day 1 of annual leave, a colleague messages me. Day 2, another colleague messages me. My relative who is usually obsessively in touch says 'have a nice break!' but then starts sending me loads of messages the next day.

I want to cry FFS, does anyone else think this is really rude knowing I am on holiday? AIBU to tell everyone I will not be in touch until I return?

Can you block block the worst offenders (ie, relative) temporarily so will show one tick on WhatsApp, and you can claim you didn't receive their message, which isn't a lie? Or delete WhatsApp for a bit while on holiday?

You could delete apps like WhatsApp for the duration of your holiday if seeing notifications is an issue for you. You might also want to block colleagues for the time being so their messages don't reach you.

Once you've deleted the apps you only need for work, and blocked anyone who you will feel bad about not replying to, you may find it easier to only access your phone when you really, truly need to.

I block certain people when I’m having family time, it just looks like it can’t deliver and so excuses about no WiFi ring true. I got a work call 15 minutes before we got married and couldn’t get reception for emails so was wandering around in a dress trying to get them sent so I could switch off. DH has never let me forget it - don’t be that person!

In fact this is a great tlme to make some lasting changes and put in boundaries with relatives and colleagues. You don't need to be at anyone's beck and call. If they complain, say your holiday digital detox was a wake up call and you'll be implementing it every evening.

OP, you do sound as if you’re blaming your own social media addiction on other people.

My phone has a 'digital wellbeing' app where you can select which apps to turn off?

Or airplane mode?

Or if they're messaging you on WhatsApp, archive their messages, and change the settings to keep messaged archived. Send everyone a message basically saying "I'm taking a break from my phone while on holiday, will catch up when I get home"

@BlithePilgrim how is it the case that im the addict if other people are relentlessly contacting me while I'm on holiday? I'd say it's the other way round!

It's true that I am somewhat addicted because I have to spent time on it daily for work. But I can easily put it away to read a book or leave it in another room so that isn't a real addiction imo

@Takenoprisoner I should take inspiration from your name! I even had an argument with the relative before who said I was selfish for not replying after 12 hours. I just hate it. I'd probably hate it more if no one cared about me but all the notifications are overwhelming.

YABU. I agree with BlithePilgrim - you are blaming other people for the fact you seem unable to not look at your phone constantly

I also think if you use your phone for work a lot, then you would be wise to use two separate phones. When I am not working, I don't get any messages to do with work via e-mail, text, whatsapp or any other medium, because they all come on to my work phone, which is switched off and in my work bag or on my desk in the room where I work at home.
When I go on holiday - or, indeed, out somewhere for the day or the evening - I can commonly not look at it for several hours. I don't 'blame' anyone for messaging me. I don't expect other people to know when I might be looking at my phone or not. They message when it is convenient for them and I reply when it is convenient for me

I think if its work people fair enough they should know you're on leave.
But I still message friends when I'm on holiday, however if I'm not in the mood to reply I just wont and the notification sitting there absolutely doesn't tempt me at all. They know I'm on holiday, there won't be any issue that I've read and not replied or anything like that, so I can see why its different for you.
I still obviously got notifications that there were messages in my WhatsApp work group chat. I just ignored them.
I think that's what the PP meant by your phone addiction. If you can't ignore them, that might be a sign perhaps that you are?

I really, really miss the days when we weren't tethered to our phones and there weren't expectations for us to be always 'on'.

No. There’s no “we” here. I’m not tethered to my phone. And there’s no expectations for me to be always “on”. Stop assuming everyone else is like you - it’s your way of justifying your addiction - “everybody does it”. It’s just not true.

All you can do is turn off notifications, put an auto response on & ignore. Don't expect people to abide by requests.

We've tried the request tactic. Last holiday we didn't even get to 8:30am first day before H's office was calling. My DM also calls constantly to moan or ask how the holiday is or tell me about what wonderful thing DB is doing (makes me feel like sh*t). A friend messages because she's bored or wants to moan about her H - but ignores me at home. I just ignore my phone.

They message when it is convenient for them and I reply when it is convenient for me

This is exactly the way to look at it, the same as letter writing really. Respond when it suits you.

@TravelDreamLife

All you can do is turn off notifications, put an auto response on & ignore. Don't expect people to abide by requests.

We've tried the request tactic. Last holiday we didn't even get to 8:30am first day before H's office was calling. My DM also calls constantly to moan or ask how the holiday is or tell me about what wonderful thing DB is doing (makes me feel like sh*t). A friend messages because she's bored or wants to moan about her H - but ignores me at home. I just ignore my phone.

I'd love it if you could put on an auto response on WhatsApp! Well since posting I've found a way to pause the app.

From tomorrow morning I will alternate between this and aeroplane mode as a PP suggested and add a message to my status. I still have a week so still got time to have a proper break.

I know it was a different era but I was in Oz in 1987 ..my parents sent me weekly letters...so more civilised!!They just didn't stress at all ..so we were all happier and calmer 😊

Just switch off your phone!

Just switch off notifications and don't be a slave to your phone.

At best, a reminder to work colleagues you are on holiday, but Id just ignore the family member. Honestly, put your phone in the safe and relax and enjoy. You are responsible for your own well being, and constantly checking your phone and answering messages is on you, not others.

I have this issue too. The relative I would text and say 'WiFi bad here and will chat to you when I get back. Miss you'

Different phone for work with what's app and logged into email.

I don't turn on my work one evenings or weekends or holidays.

I think it's very easy - ignore if your house is not burning down. If you can't and have to do things like block or airplane mode etc, imo it's a form of additiction.

Switch off all technology (yes, that means no Mumsnet) and enjoy your holiday in peace.

Next time, book a remote cottage in the Orkneys with no signal at all.

Call your holiday a digital detox and switch your phone off. I remember going travelling before smart phones. With only a guide book and pay phones to book accommodation. Those were the days!

Just block the annoying ones. I blocked my boss who thinks I am her best friend (I am not!) during holidays/weekends. They have no right to harass you or impinge on your time. I’m astonished you haven’t yet blocked them both.

Colleague + drama-tell her you’ll see her when you get back, you’re currently trying to relax and will talk work stuff on your return. If she doesn’t feel hugely guilty and stop, I’ll be amazed!

Relative-just block til you’re home. Stop feeling obliged! You wouldn’t do this to people on holiday, would you? Why are you accepting it from others?

To colleague - "Please...I'm on holiday", then block.

Family and friends messaging is fairly standard. Surely they can send a message and you can reply when it is convenient.

The work colleague needs to not whatsapp you about work stuff when you're on annual leave.

You need to stop being glued to your phone on holiday. You're not responsible for other people's actions, but you can control your own.

I just finished a two week holiday. A few days into it a client sent an email about nothing urgent and got my Out of Office auto response saying I'll get back to her when I'm back at the start of August. She then sent two more emails within the next week of my holiday requesting a reply, knowing I'm away. I couldn't switch off my email completely as I had to keep an eye out for news on an important project. But fuck anyone who can't respect boundaries like that.

I run a business and have just closed my shops making it impossible to buy and put an out of office reply online. I do look at the emails once a day but unless it is a life or death emergency I will not be responding. Fortunately most of my customers are in the USA so not too difficult to convince them there are remote places in the Highlands where there is no wifi.