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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just being stupid??

89 replies

AJB120 · 02/08/2021 20:10

Okay so am I being silly?

It’s a long one so please bear with me 🤦🏻‍♀️

So my husband and I have a great relationship, always laughing, having fun, great sex life etc etc. It’s been a little difficult lately due to my depression. I’m having a tough time at the moment but trying to get better!

So the back story:

We have a long standing running joke with one of our closest female friends about a threesome - it would never actually happen. It’s just been a daft joke and nothing more to it! But lately since she’s become single and we’ve all had a drink my husband brings it up more and more. He’s even text her a few times very inappropriately when drunk- which I made him apologies for. She’s fine with it and it’s not awkward but just laughs it off. I apologised on his behalf too as I don’t want my friendship with her ruined.

We were at a friends wedding at the weekend we only knew the bride and groom. It was a lovely day/night away, no baby with us and a date day for the two of us. It was wonderful and we had a great time. But as he got more drunk he was pointing out all the beautiful and gorgeous girls telling me how they fancied him. It was like he was trying to show me how handsome he is. He is and I tell him that all of the time, I compliment him ALOT.

I said to him in a jokingly way at the weekend “if you constantly notice all these hot girls and are checking for rings on their fingers with me here I dread to think what you’re like when I’m not here”.

Am I thinking too much into it?

Please don’t slate him or slag him off that’s not what this post is for.

OP posts:
BlueCherryBlossom · 02/08/2021 20:15

WE have a long-standing 'joke' about a threesome, or he does?

30degreesandmeltinghere · 02/08/2021 20:17

Maybe continue with the threesome scenario jokes but make the plus 1 a man....

BlithePilgrim · 02/08/2021 20:18

Why have you posted to describe a man who seems to behave like a total sleazebucket, and told us not to criticise him? He sounds embarrassing and inappropriate, as if he hasn’t the slightest respect for you, and as if he should really cut back on his drinking if he can’t control being a perve when drunk? And do you seriously think it’s normal to have to apologise to your friend for your husband sleazy threesome ‘jokes’?

Honestly, OP, you’re worth more than this.

DeathStare · 02/08/2021 20:19

This man has no respect for any women - including you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/08/2021 20:22

URGH.

He sounds like a sleazy creep who has no respect for you.

Have a bit of respect for yourself and call him out on it.

Cocomade · 02/08/2021 20:22

Running joke or not if my DP sent inappropriate texts to my friend I would be mortified and livid.

This 'joke' is not a joke op.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 02/08/2021 20:23

Its really difficult not to slag someone off who clearly has such little regard for your feelings, your friends feelings, or women in general tbh.

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 20:23

@BlithePilgrim

Why have you posted to describe a man who seems to behave like a total sleazebucket, and told us not to criticise him? He sounds embarrassing and inappropriate, as if he hasn’t the slightest respect for you, and as if he should really cut back on his drinking if he can’t control being a perve when drunk? And do you seriously think it’s normal to have to apologise to your friend for your husband sleazy threesome ‘jokes’?

Honestly, OP, you’re worth more than this.

I have to agree..

he's disgusting 🤢 you're poor friend WTF 😳

DrSbaitso · 02/08/2021 20:24

It's hard not to slag off a man who acts like a total twat.

But if you're going to reward it by telling him how sexy he is and forbidding anyone from telling you he's a disrespectful twat, you'll be getting many years of it.

pinkcircustop · 02/08/2021 20:25

OP posts about a sleaze bag of a man and expects us not to criticise him Hmm

Twelveisthebestnumber · 02/08/2021 20:26

Eugh. Whilst I'd love not to criticize him I can't. He sounds like a dick. Rather than jokingly telling him how you feel I'd suggest telling him while you are both completely sober so he's in no doubt what you are saying. If on the other hand the idea doesn't appall you perhaps discuss this properly too. 3 people doesn't automatically have to be 2 women and 1 man. See if he's still as keen! But back to my first point. He sounds like a dick.

NotYourCupOfTea · 02/08/2021 20:26

Gross… I don’t know what responses you’re looking for but that’s not the. Behaviour of a loving dh

Drivingmeupthewall · 02/08/2021 20:35

Yeah, he wants to shag your mate. Actually, he wants to shag literally any other woman. He’ll then push you into this idea of a threesome and say you were on board and so can’t be mad.

You need to have some serious words.

FourEyesGood · 02/08/2021 20:36

I voted YABU because you’re defending an indefensible creep. YANBU to dislike his comments, though.

nimbuscloud · 02/08/2021 20:36

He sounds horrible

2bazookas · 02/08/2021 20:37

Please don’t slate him or slag him off

Maybe if you spent less time praising and complimenting him, and more time telling him some home truths , you wouldn't be so depressed?

     " I really hate it when you sit there ogling women and telling me  how much they fancy you.  It's rude and disrespectful.  Also the way you keep coming on to my friend like some dirty old man is just disgusting..  What I want from you is loyalty, respect and courtesy. "
JaneJeffer · 02/08/2021 20:38

Please don’t slate him or slag him off
Sorry but he sounds awful.

nimbuscloud · 02/08/2021 20:38

And it’s a bit sad that you feel you have to compliment him all the time- are you worried that he will cheat on you if you don’t do that?

Blippibloppi · 02/08/2021 20:40

Urgh, what an absolute sleaze ball. No wonder you're feeling depressed stuck with him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/08/2021 20:41

How can anyone not criticise a man like that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2021 20:43

Why don’t you want people to criticise him? You must know that based on what you’ve said about his disgusting demeaning behaviour it’s inevitable?

People here can help you leave him. They can’t help you feel better about staying with him.

Is your baby a girl? Do you want her around this revolting attitude to women? If you have a boy do you want him to grow up to view girls and women as objects to use for sex?

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 20:46

@Drivingmeupthewall

Yeah, he wants to shag your mate. Actually, he wants to shag literally any other woman. He’ll then push you into this idea of a threesome and say you were on board and so can’t be mad.

You need to have some serious words.

this is spot on 😩

Kittykat93 · 02/08/2021 20:47

He messages dirty texts to your friend? And you're okay with this? He is literally cheating in plain site..He wants sex with other women, I'm sorry to say.

ZednotZee · 02/08/2021 20:50

Your husband wants to fuck your friend OP.

I'm really sorry but I think its best that you face facts head on Flowers

icedcoffees · 02/08/2021 20:50

Please don’t slate him or slag him off that’s not what this post is for.

What else do you expect people to say?