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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just being stupid??

89 replies

AJB120 · 02/08/2021 20:10

Okay so am I being silly?

It’s a long one so please bear with me 🤦🏻‍♀️

So my husband and I have a great relationship, always laughing, having fun, great sex life etc etc. It’s been a little difficult lately due to my depression. I’m having a tough time at the moment but trying to get better!

So the back story:

We have a long standing running joke with one of our closest female friends about a threesome - it would never actually happen. It’s just been a daft joke and nothing more to it! But lately since she’s become single and we’ve all had a drink my husband brings it up more and more. He’s even text her a few times very inappropriately when drunk- which I made him apologies for. She’s fine with it and it’s not awkward but just laughs it off. I apologised on his behalf too as I don’t want my friendship with her ruined.

We were at a friends wedding at the weekend we only knew the bride and groom. It was a lovely day/night away, no baby with us and a date day for the two of us. It was wonderful and we had a great time. But as he got more drunk he was pointing out all the beautiful and gorgeous girls telling me how they fancied him. It was like he was trying to show me how handsome he is. He is and I tell him that all of the time, I compliment him ALOT.

I said to him in a jokingly way at the weekend “if you constantly notice all these hot girls and are checking for rings on their fingers with me here I dread to think what you’re like when I’m not here”.

Am I thinking too much into it?

Please don’t slate him or slag him off that’s not what this post is for.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 02/08/2021 20:52

You can’t really call it a joke if only one person finds it funny. Nothing he is doing is funny, and definitely not for your friend. Ask him to cop on and stop waving his mickey around and behave like a married man from now on. All the best.

DrManhattan · 02/08/2021 20:54

Who goes round saying how gorgeous they are? Like out loud.
Sounds like a douche to me

gamerchick · 02/08/2021 20:58

He's creepy and wants to shag other women. There's not much else to say OP.

One day he'll talk you into it and you'll have a choice to be ok with it or not.

Then a door will have been opened for him.

RoseGoldEagle · 02/08/2021 20:59

He’s even text her a few times very inappropriately when drunk

Honestly OP I know you don’t want negative comments about your DH, but that’s just so horrible, it’s SO disrespectful to you and completely out of order to her.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/08/2021 21:00

Sorry, can’t comment, as per your instruction.

Oh, wait, I can. He’s an egocentric knob.

DysmalRadius · 02/08/2021 21:11

What would you post on a thread started with your OP? I mean this genuinely - if you were the friend in this situation, or someone looking from outside, what would you tell yourself? Because I don't know a single person that would be OK with the behaviour you're describing, let alone defending the person behaving like that. If the rest of him makes up for this pretty shocking flaw, then so be it, but your description is of the kind of man that other women don't want to accidentally be left on their own with at a party. You don't have to be ok with that.

Branleuse · 02/08/2021 21:14

if you dont actually want to have a threesome with your mate, then maybe stop joking about it, as he seems to think youre all up for it, and it doesnt sound like you are.
Plus, i think this is quite awkward for your friend. Dont play with fire

ittakes2 · 02/08/2021 21:15

I think you have both blurred the boundaries by 'joking' about a threesome with your friend. You have given him the signal its OK to consider exploring his fantasy. And he has been very willing to take it further by texting your friend. I think you might have your head buried in the sand as the first time he texted your friend that should have been divorce territory but instead you ended up apologising to your friend and he did it again.

Kanaloa · 02/08/2021 21:17

I mean I don’t need to slate him you’ve literally done it in your post.

He’s horrible and every time I see posts like this I’m amazed that some woman somewhere can tolerate this type of disrespect.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 02/08/2021 21:21

“Please don’t slate him or slag him off that’s not what this post is for.“

In that case all I can say is good luck

AuntMargo · 02/08/2021 21:22

I dont think your marriage is as great as you think, he clearly has a wandering eye, and I dont see this ending well, sorry.

dworky · 02/08/2021 21:23

You're desperate for us not to slag him off but it's difficult because, the fact is, his behaviour is totally unacceptable.
You need to acknowledge that before you can come to any conclusion or decision!

Somuddled · 02/08/2021 21:28

Eeww, is all I can think. Your poor friend having to 'laugh off' threesome jokes and being hit on!! Then poor you for thinking any of this normal.

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 21:28

I was the friend. A couple I knew, made a threesome joke. Then again, then again. And then even after I started seeing DP. Who is related to the women the couple.

Its creepy as fuck. And yes, for a while I laughed it off. But I hope he, because it was mainly him, would take the hint.

Your husband is inappropriately texting your friend on multiple occasions, spends an evening out with you talking about attractive other women are and how they fancy him. And you want people to not be mean about him? He is a wanker.

And I can promise a good portion of those women, did not fancy him. They were looking at the leering sleaze who didn't even have the good grace, to hide it from his wife.

And yes, I would worry about what he is like if you aren't around.

I hope this isn't real because he is just awful.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 02/08/2021 21:29

You are going to get a hard time here OP. What you've described isn't the behaviour of a great husband. You have mentioned in other threads that he does coke and lies about it, and you are both keen on going swinging. I think most posters on here will find it hard to relate to that sort of view point. Hope you're okay.

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 21:30

@Hekatestorch

I was the friend. A couple I knew, made a threesome joke. Then again, then again. And then even after I started seeing DP. Who is related to the women the couple.

Its creepy as fuck. And yes, for a while I laughed it off. But I hope he, because it was mainly him, would take the hint.

Your husband is inappropriately texting your friend on multiple occasions, spends an evening out with you talking about attractive other women are and how they fancy him. And you want people to not be mean about him? He is a wanker.

And I can promise a good portion of those women, did not fancy him. They were looking at the leering sleaze who didn't even have the good grace, to hide it from his wife.

And yes, I would worry about what he is like if you aren't around.

I hope this isn't real because he is just awful.

Oh and eventually I told him to fuck off, publicly so everyone could confirm what a sleaze he is and me and DP cut his wife off too.
Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 21:31

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

You are going to get a hard time here OP. What you've described isn't the behaviour of a great husband. You have mentioned in other threads that he does coke and lies about it, and you are both keen on going swinging. I think most posters on here will find it hard to relate to that sort of view point. Hope you're okay.
Wow....just wow!
Hobnobsandbroomstick · 02/08/2021 21:34

"So my husband and I have a great relationship, always laughing, having fun, great sex life etc etc. It’s been a little difficult lately due to my depression. I’m having a tough time at the moment but trying to get better!"

Also it's not your mental health that's the main problem in your relationship. It's your lying husband with his wandering eye. If he's trying to convince you it's you and not him, he's gaslighting you.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 02/08/2021 21:34

He’s even text her a few times very inappropriately when drunk- which I made him apologies for.

My username says it all 👍

PheasantsNest · 02/08/2021 21:34

He is grim. No decent man would disrespect their wife like that.

1FootInTheRave · 02/08/2021 21:34

He wants to shag your mate.

And will do given half a chance.

LagunaBubbles · 02/08/2021 21:35

Please don’t slate him or slag him off that’s not what this post is for

So what is it for then? Stating his behaviour is totally unacceptable is nit slagging him off its just stating the truth. And yet you put up with this...wake up.

mumoftwomonkeys · 02/08/2021 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 02/08/2021 21:40

You are a fool to laugh along with the threesome thing, you naive girl Shock

Your instincts are right, but you are playing it wrong.

If he is a bit of a player, abd quite vain, and has a wandering eye, no amount saying “you are soo handsome 😍” by you will stop his attitude.

So you say that snd then what, he knows you are in the bag already, time to look around

If you want to be with a player (I would not) you gotta play the game, be equally noncommittal abd aloof at times, discuss the other men there, tell him how your colleagues all fancy you etc etc

It’s a whole script. You have to play that role, if you want to be with that type of man

Shoxfordian · 02/08/2021 21:40

He isn’t joking about the threesome and he’s pointing out other women he’d like to sleep with right in front of you

So disrespectful

Why are you putting up with this shit?