Have there been times a man has made you feel scared without intending to?

[Famed101]

Walking home from walk from my volunteering job at the time when I was 19 so 6 years ago and it was pouring down with rain. I also had a part time shop assistant job during this time.
A man who always came into the shop and always made small talk with me pulled over and asked if I wanted a lift.

Stupid me didn't even think about it and got in his car. As soon as I sat in his car, I realised I should not have got in as I didn't know this man apart from the small talk.

I remember he closed the window and despite my home being a 10 minute drive away, I felt petrified.
I told him to drop me off at the local store as I needed to take cash out.

He dropped me off and all was fine.

He probably had totally innocent intentions but I remember suddenly entering his car and getting the creeps. Honestly I remember thinking "this is it".

I actually never told any of my friends or parents about getting in his car as I knew they would all think I was a massive idiot but even when I look back I think about how totally wrong getting in his car.couldve gone if he had bad intentions.

@ControView

I'm guilty of the opposite. Some years ago I often used to ask strangers (of both genders) what they're good at. Some people declined to engage, but most did, and I got some interesting answers and conversations.

Usually I was on my bike, and I kept a safe distance from them, so they shouldn't unsafe. I was especially careful to do so when approaching women for obvious reasons.

Once however I asked a woman the above question, and she got really frightened. I tried to explain (from a distance) that I meant no harm, but she was just petrified and like please leave me. So I did, but I did feel bad for inadvertently frightening her.

That's quite an odd way to converse with strangers. Even if a woman asked me that, out of the blue, I would feel a little uncomfortable. A

I’m going back a few years now but when I was 14 I ended up in a taxi for some reason (can’t remember the finer details)
I looked bloody 14 as well
I clearly remember the driver putting his hand on my knee and asking if I was on the pill/had my periods started yet?
I’ve never been so scared in my life
Thankfully he dropped me off and I only fucking paid and shot out of the car

He’d be biting his nails though his arsehole if he tried it now

@Haggisfish3

I don’t feel unsafe and it doesn’t occur to me to accommodate that feeling. I happily walk in isolated places. I find it so sad that my friends and other women don’t feel safe to do that. I tell my daughter you only hear about the very few cases where women are harmed. You don’t hear about the millions and millions of women who go out alone every day and aren’t harmed at all.

So only womens experiences where they are harmed count? I know more women who have had uncomfortable/stressful/harassed experiences with men than women who haven't had those kind of experiences. Maybe the reason your friends and other women don't feel safe is because of past experience?

3 times come to mind

1st one I was about 15 and walking home from the bus and could hear a person behind me, I looked and it was a adult male, paranoid I started walking faster and so did he, I decided to walk a different route down a back alley (stupid I know) and he followed, I practically ran to my back door.. told my mum and she said I was an idiot for not sticking to the main road.

2nd time I was about 14 and been to the cinema with a school friend and some of her male friends. I was quite naive child and they were asking if I had condoms and things in my bag. On the walk back to friends house they kept pulling at my bag and clothes and my friend just laughed. Luckily I remembered my uncle lived close to friend so I ran round there and thankfully he was home. I had left my coat at my friends so my uncle and male cousin went round to collect and gave them a few choice words... the friendship ended.

3rd time I was at a relative's new years party, younger than 10. Playing with the other children and my cousins upstairs, then In the bedroom the 3 boys had pinned me to the bed and one was trying to kiss me. Luckily my uncle came in and put a stop to it.

Those same 3 boys at a wedding had chased me around the play area outside the venue, pinned me on the floor and one stamped me in the eye giving me a black eye. I have never dared ask my family who they are as I am terrified to find out but perhaps I should. I try not to think about it too much.

I was 16 or so when I babysat for my cousins child. My cousins friend, aged about 20/21, drove me the 20 mins home around 1am or so and pulled in to a dark, empty car park on the outskirts of town and tried to kiss me and run his hand up my leg. I told him to stop, as I had a boyfriend, (not stop because it was completely inappropriate and unreciprocated 🙄) and he did stop and drove me home but, I was absolutely terrified that he wouldn't stop.

Got a taxi with another woman after a work trip and the driver took the most bizarre route through really barren areas. We got to the airport eventually but it was super odd.

Gas meter reader when I was in my flat on my own chatted to me for ages and I was very aware I was trapped in a flat with a very large man I didn’t know.

I was on holiday alone for a few days in a city in the UK. I was walking beside a river and then up a short steep path through woods to a road bridge above it. As I walked up a man was coming down the path towards me and I realised there was nobody else around, nobody knew where I was and I didn't have my phone with me. We passed and he carried on down to the river and I went on up to the bridge. Didn't even make eye contact. I did curse myself for being so stupid for a long time afterwards though, and have never told my DH.

Oh, I've just remembered another one, where there was definitely no ill intent from the man involved and it makes me a bit to think of now!

I started a new job, part of which was checking empty rental properties.

My new colleague drove me to show me where a particular house was, in the middle of nowhere. He opened the front door, and we went inside.

I walked into the hall and he followed and locked the door behind us I spun to face him, and got ready to fight, I was poised to really go for him if he came at me. (I was assaulted as a young teen by a man that locked me in his car, I don't do well with being locked in places!)

He still had his back to me, and as I'm mentally preparing myself to fight him off he says "these bloody locks are a nightmare - half the time they don't work from the inside. I'm going to have to get some oil on this one, it's sticking"

He turned around, saw my face and flinched. God knows what I looked like! White as a sheet, probably!

Poor chap, he was only doing what he did every property check. It just happened I was with him that time!

Also, I'm not a person who is scared or uneasy just because men are nearby. There has to be some particular thing (like running at me or locking me in!) that makes me feel unsafe. I walk in isolated places all the time and don't feel unsafe. If a man started following me in an isolated place, especially somewhere ewhere he could just as easily choose another route, then that would change very quickly!

I failed my Maths GCSEs and to get on the college course I wanted to do I had to take an evening Maths course and resit my exam. The tutor was a male, I'd say mid fourties. Totally lovely bloke who I probably learned more in the short time I was being taught by him, than during my whole time at school. I used to sometimes stay behined a little longer and have some extra tuition from him, nothing ever sinister there, like at all. Anyway, I re-sat my exam, passed with flying colours. A week later I read in the local papers that he'd been arrested for possession of a tonne of class A child abuse material on his computer. Still gives me absolute shivers to this day when I think about it. So sad.

I once thought I was being followed back from work - the guy got on my bus and then got off at the same stop. He then started walking the same way as me. I crossed the road and kept an eye on him - he ended up going into the next block of flats to mine - turns out he was a neighbour who randomly worked in a neighbouring office

I was getting an uber home in Delhi at night. I'd always avoided night time travel alone and this was just after a poor woman was raped, murdered and set on fire in Hyderabad so everything was more daunting that usual then. I had the route on my Uber app so I would know we were going the right way etc. Suddenly the driver veered off the main road and onto a deserted back road. My heart was pounding, I had my keys ready to stab him if I had to. Turned out he was just taking a different route due to the traffic. Hee didnt have a clue that I was expecting my rape and murder- or how close he came to being stabbed in the neck. It always surprises me how unaware some men are, of women's experiences and how vigilant and fearful we have to be even in Delhi where women's safety is not great, my male friends there seem clueless.

Years ago my son wet himself in car on the way home from nursery. It was getting dark and I pulled up in a lay-by. A man must’ve seen me getting out of the car and pulled up ahead and ran back down the road towards me. He thought I’d broken down and I’m sure was being nice but I obviously looked terrified. He was so apologetic for running towards me in the dark when I was alone with my toddler he looked genuinely mortified

@OldTinHat

The streets where I live have very few street lamps and they're not very bright. I was walking home a couple of winters ago and could hear footsteps behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a stocky man behind me who then started to jog, so I broke into a jog. He caught up and grabbed my shoulder, I screamed. I then saw it was only my neighbour who was trying to catch up and say hello!

Sorry but some of these stories are just fucking astounding. What kind of idiot breaks into a run and then grabs a lone woman by the shoulder “just trying to say hello”? All these stories of oblivious men are starting to annoy me !

A friend wanted to go meet her new 'boyfriend' at his house (wasn't a bf, met him on msn so hasn't actually met him face to face). I begged her not to go as it was unknown area, she refused. So myself and another friend went along for 'safety'. Got to the noise and 3/4 guys were inside, much older than us, as we were about 14/15 they were probably 19-25. As soon as we got in, they bolted the door with 3 deadbolts. I was petrified and had the advice of my dad (an ex policeman) ringing in my head and couldn't stop thinking how if they killed us how upset my family would be. Anyway, my friend went upstairs with her boyfriend and we waited downstairs while these other guys tried their best to get us to drink wine which I refused. I was petrified the whole time and honestly didn't think they'd let us out without something awful happening. They did.

Another time - worked at a local shop age 16 and I insisted on walking there/back in winter to burn calories even though dad begged me to get a lift. I would always see the same middle age man and he'd always walk the exact same route as me but I could never tell where he was going. Always in a suit but can't imagine he lives near the shop I work. Always smiled at me nicely but something about him made my hairs stand on edge. Im convinced he knew when/where I worked as I NEVER saw him any other time and it was evening shift so random times for a business man to be about. I sometimes see him now and he just looks at me...shudder.

Of course I don’t think only experienced where women were harmed count. This thread was originally about instances where men did not intend any harm, but the vast majority of posts are where men clearly did intend to make women feel uncomfortable. I’m sure the majority of women who have posted could give hundreds of examples of interactions with men where they did not feel uncomfortable. It’s a difficult thread to post on tbh.

I was out for a jog yesterday on a canal and came across a group of three men. One was looking at something but I couldn’t see him clearly-I wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. As I approached I must have looked apprehensive. One of the men caught my eye and gave a really lovely smile as if to reassure me all was fine. The other man looked at me as if I was an item of prey-genuinely a look of hmmmm…what have we here then on his face. Two different men in the same group and situation hit each man gave off a very different vibe.

Yes I was looking around a house to buy (just me) and the owner answered the door in pj type clothes and said it's me showing you round as I don't trust estate agents. He didn't want me to come in the front door and told me to go down the side gate and we could see the garage first. He opened the garage door and encouraged me to step in first. Honestly thought I was in Dexter. Terrified. Made my excuses and left.

Another time in Bali a taxi driver took me on a detour to change his car. Pulled up in a scary location with lots of men just watching and asked me to wait in the car. Thought I was going to be robbed but tbf to him, he was indeed just changing his car because the lights didn't work.

Another time I was in London at a friend's party. I went to bed in her room at 3am and she was still partying. Expected to wake up with her next to me but instead woke up to stranger man from party as she'd bunked with her love interest and he'd just found an empty bed to sleep in. I lost my shit and stepped all over him trying to get out. It was awful. Everyone seemed pretty chill about it and like I was over reacting but I was married and 30 by that point. Didn't enjoy it at all.

Yes, some of which I am as close to absolutely sure as you can be that it was unintentional.

There have been others where it was clear it was with the intent to intimidate.

Neither are pleasant, not least because you cannot be sure of their intentions until either something happens... or it doesn't.

Some of these stories are creepy af, but others are just bizzare. For example @squashyhat story is just of her walking along a canal and passing a man. There wasn't even any eye contact.

If a stranger came up to me randomly and said ‘what are you good at?’ then insisted they meant no harm when I told them to leave me alone I would be quite disturbed. I don’t even know what answer you would expect to that question.

And the fact that ‘most people’ aren’t out to do harm is totally irrelevant. Most people don’t need to have sinister intentions, just one needs to. And we don’t know which one the bad one is, so it is sensible to be careful and aware when in a vulnerable situation.

One year on Halloween, my partner was staying away for the night and I realised that I’d not got any sweets in for trick or treaters so drove to the local petrol station to get some! It was really dark at this point.

When I pulled up there was man just standing by his car watching me. I got petrol as well and then went into the shop to pay. When I got back into my car, he got into his as well and followed me out of the petrol station! I was absolutely terrified he was following me so drove around a roundabout a few times to check, and he followed me around it. I literally drove for about an hour before going home because I was too scared to go back to an empty house in case he followed me there.

@Kanaloa

And the fact that ‘most people’ aren’t out to do harm is totally irrelevant. Most people don’t need to have sinister intentions, just one needs to. And we don’t know which one the bad one is, so it is sensible to be careful and aware when in a vulnerable situation.

That's like being scared of eating because one in thousand ham sandwiches may give you food poison. An you don't know which one. And it could kill you

When I lived in London a man was following me when I got off the bus. I didn't know if I was being paranoid so I crossed a road and turned back and he did the same so I walked into my local corner shop and said I just want to wait in here I think I'm being followed. The shopkeeper got his colleague to walk me home and when we left the shop the man was waiting outside. He walked off when he said I was being walked home but that really scared me. Forever grateful for the shopkeeper and his colleague.

Aome people here don't understand the "unintentionally" part in the op.