Have there been times a man has made you feel scared without intending to?

[Famed101]

Walking home from walk from my volunteering job at the time when I was 19 so 6 years ago and it was pouring down with rain. I also had a part time shop assistant job during this time.
A man who always came into the shop and always made small talk with me pulled over and asked if I wanted a lift.

Stupid me didn't even think about it and got in his car. As soon as I sat in his car, I realised I should not have got in as I didn't know this man apart from the small talk.

I remember he closed the window and despite my home being a 10 minute drive away, I felt petrified.
I told him to drop me off at the local store as I needed to take cash out.

He dropped me off and all was fine.

He probably had totally innocent intentions but I remember suddenly entering his car and getting the creeps. Honestly I remember thinking "this is it".

I actually never told any of my friends or parents about getting in his car as I knew they would all think I was a massive idiot but even when I look back I think about how totally wrong getting in his car.couldve gone if he had bad intentions.

Something off about a man wanting to scare you like that even in jest though isn’t there @NiceGerbil

When I was 20 I was in a taxi home from town around 1am. The taxi turned off down a road completely the wrong way. My heart jumped. I immediately asked where we were going. It turned out he had misheard the address and thought we were going to a different road with a similar sounding name.

By the way just remembered I have seen that some online forums for men who essentially just don't like women- incels etc.

It's a thing to follow a woman or girl with she's on her own just for the fun of watching her get twitchy, speed up, etc.

@EnglishScot

Something off about a man wanting to scare you like that even in jest though isn’t there *@NiceGerbil*

I don't think so.

He was a good mate and a nice bloke. V funny and I'm silly we bantered rubbish a lot. Talked s lot about our families etc.

Genuinely I think it was a spur of the moment teehee practical joke thing.

Nothing more.

I think he thought I'd get a physical fright like someone jumping out and saying boo.

I wonder if he'd have done it with a bloke. Yes I think so, in fact I feel like I'd seen him do that. Now I try to remember.

Stopped to talk to me when I was alone in the woods.

All the times. Some recent examples are:

• I was alone in the basement at work and the male receptionist came down to lock up
• went to collect a dresser I bought from Gumtree and the male seller was alone in the house and said 'it's in the bedroom, can you come up and help me move it
• was on a late train home from London and had been absorbed in my phone, when I looked up I realised I was alone except for one man sitting opposite me
• passed a man in the street who seemed to be holding something under his coat and made eye contact with me
• jogger ran up behind me when I had headphone on

The list goes on and on and on...

I was the opposite I wasn’t scared enough! I was doing criminal law for my first job conference with counsel overran so was quite late and client offered to drop me back at the office. Was 23 weighed all of 8 stone. Was about to get in clients car when the male barrister appeared running up the street with a made up thing he needed to confirm with me and told the client not to wait never forget huu I s shocked face saying “Jesus Christ you weren’t going to get in a car with him were you! “

Once when I was much younger, late teens or early 20s, I was getting the late bus back from the bigger local town to the small town where I lived. I hadn't realised that after a certain time of night it follows a different route to serve some of the smaller rural villages in between. I was the only one on the bus and started to panic a bit when the bus left the main route I was used to and starting heading down a remote, unlit country lane. I thought the bus driver was taking me somewhere to do something to me, poor bloke was just doing his job.

I’d just finished my swim and was stood at the end of the lane towards the corner, had my back to the pool having a quick drink and about to get out. A man swam up behind me, put his hand on the wall right next to me, I turned around and his whole body was in front of me - I remember feeling penned in by him. He smirked at me then swam off. I’d never seen him before and luckily never seen him again.

One Sunday morning we were going out for the day. I was strapping DD into her car seat when I noticed a man walking towards us with his hands down his trousers. I just about managed to get into the car and lock it before he got too close. He stopped at the car and started to say something to me when DP (who had been locking the house up) came over. The man walked off. It turns out he lives around the corner from us and I’ve seen him around lots since, luckily he’s never behaved that way since and I don’t think he remembers that Sunday morning (I got the impression he was still fucked from the night before) but I avoid him like the plague whenever I see him.

I'm guilty of the opposite. Some years ago I often used to ask strangers (of both genders) what they're good at. Some people declined to engage, but most did, and I got some interesting answers and conversations.

Usually I was on my bike, and I kept a safe distance from them, so they shouldn't unsafe. I was especially careful to do so when approaching women for obvious reasons.

Once however I asked a woman the above question, and she got really frightened. I tried to explain (from a distance) that I meant no harm, but she was just petrified and like please leave me. So I did, but I did feel bad for inadvertently frightening her.

Getting a taxi home from town one night and instead of going via the dual carriageway and coming in at the top end of the village (the usual route), the driver took me a different way, eventually ending up driving through the nearby nature reserve which is located at the bottom end of the village. This road is twisty-turny and has no streetlights so is pitch black at night. I had the "why the fuck are we here!?" feeling especially when he made a joke about it being a good place to get lost. When he dropped me off at home he knocked a few quid off the meter to make up for the detour, it turned out there'd been an accident on the dual carriageway which was why he'd avoided it and I don't think he was even aware that the deviation had spooked me.

And one more.

When I was 18 or 19 and went put clubbing a lot I'd frequently come home in the early hours. Our front door was on the side of the house rather than the front, about three quarters of the way down the side. One morning, around 4am, I was standing on the step looking in my bag for my key when I heard running feet pounding towards me and looked up to see a man pelting down the path in my direction. I screamed and threw my bag at him. Turns out it was the milkman who was trying to get his round done as quickly as he could so was running door to door while his assistant cruises along the street in the milk float

Reading these accounts - it always baffles me when women post (or tell me in person) that they're never frightened of being attacked by a man when out alone. As in, it never occurs to them. I don't know whether to be envious or not! Most decisions I make are centred around personal safety, so I wouldn't rock up at a deserted woodland with my toddler DS but I'd take him to the park or a National Trust place on my own.

@ToykotoLosAngeles completely agree!
The thing is, even if I was walking with just my female friend at night I'd still be quite scared.
Is it bad that I feel safer if a man was walking me home but also fear men in the dark?

I used to work in a factory that ran 24hrs a day. But the office staff did 8-5. For childcare reasons I went back after maternity doing 12-9pm. I would be the only person in the office wing of the building from 5 - 9. All the lights would be off, except for my little office.

One night as I was leaving, walking down a dark corridor, the security guard came out of a dark office and made me jump. Then he followed me down the dark corridor and to the exit door. At this point I'm torn between 'he's a security guard doing his rounds' and 'he could be anyone, a hi vis vest doesn't make him safe'

Then he follows me along the long dark path to the car park. Really close behind me. The fast I walk the faster he does, but he doesn't overtake if I slow down. I'm thoroughly creeped out at this point. He then left the path to go around an outbuilding, and I relaxed a bit, then he came back to the path and was catching me up. There was a corner in the path just before the car park - as soon as I was round that corner I sprinted to my car, dived inside and locked the doors. I was really panicked.

I'd always been comfortable walking round the dark building, with just the fire exit signs giving light, but from then on I was really jumpy when I was there alone. Looking back I wonder if he knew I was scared and was enjoying it. It must have been obvious I was uncomfortable, at the very least.

[quote Famed101]@ToykotoLosAngeles completely agree!
The thing is, even if I was walking with just my female friend at night I'd still be quite scared.
Is it bad that I feel safer if a man was walking me home but also fear men in the dark? [/quote]
I don't think it's "bad" but I think there being 2 in a party of whatever sex lowers your chances of being grabbed and taken somewhere to be raped or killed. Just because it's (usually) 2 vs 1.

Walking along with my baby in a sling. Quiet road, no one else around. A car pulls up at speed, a proper handbrake stop complete with screech of tyres, and a man leaps out and runs at me… …then right past me and into his house. Just no need.

Yep an uncle of my partner knocked on my door and just walked straight in ,when I stated his nephew wasn't here he said he already knew he would be working!
I'd never met this man and he wasn't really ever mentioned by his family.Apparently he just wanted to meet our newborn daughter and get to know me!
I rushed a cup
Of tea down him and told him I had a doctors appointment so he had to leave (he had creepy eyes and made Me feel very comfortable).
When I told my partner when he returned from work he was furious and went to have words telling him never to come near us again,turns out he was a nonce who had served a prison sentence for his crimes!!!
Still gives me the shivers.

The streets where I live have very few street lamps and they're not very bright. I was walking home a couple of winters ago and could hear footsteps behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a stocky man behind me who then started to jog, so I broke into a jog. He caught up and grabbed my shoulder, I screamed. I then saw it was only my neighbour who was trying to catch up and say hello!

When I was 19 I was walking home to my digs from college, alone. Summer afternoon, main road.

It was road, path, hedge, field. And the ground level of the field was about 5ft higher than the path.

A lad about my age was sitting on a field gate the opposite side of the road. As I passed he jumped off the gate and crossed the road and started to follow me. He got closer and closer, I put my keys between my fingers, and then he suddenly jumped a gate into the field next to the path. I could see him through the hedge, as the light was behind him, I don't know if he realised that. He ran along the hedge until he was ahead of me, and as I got level I realised he was doing something against the hedge, facing me.

Whether he was peeing or wanking, I don't know. I kept eyes forwards, and power walked for home. Then he came back out of the field and started to run full pelt towards me. Luckily at that point I reached my driveway, as soon as I was round the corner I sprinted for the door, got in, locked it behind me. I went to the front window and looked out and he was sat on the field gate opposite staring up my drive.

I honestly thought that he was going to be there the next day, that I'd picked up a stalker. I even wrote a description of him and what he'd done, and left it on my pillow each day for a fortnight in case something happened to me!

I've also realised, in both my experiences above, that I've waited till the male was out of sight before taking obvious evasive action (running away) from a combination of not wanting to embarrass the man if he's innocent, and being embarrassed myself at potentially overreacting. That's pretty fucked up.

@ToykotoLosAngeles

Reading these accounts - it always baffles me when women post (or tell me in person) that they're never frightened of being attacked by a man when out alone. As in, it never occurs to them. I don't know whether to be envious or not! Most decisions I make are centred around personal safety, so I wouldn't rock up at a deserted woodland with my toddler DS but I'd take him to the park or a National Trust place on my own.

I am one of them. It's not 100% never, but it's very rare i feel threatened. I think it's a different mindset from different country? I don't know.

These just make me sad. The vast majority of them are just situations where there was no need for us to feel unsafe because most people are not out to harm others, including men. I have felt unsafe in one or two situations, but that was entirely because of the men, not the situation. I would have felt unsafe had I encountered those men at a party, in a park or in a pub or an empty street. I have had many thousands of encounters where I felt safe and where men didn’t harm me.

But why would you ever imagine that would be a good idea? Totally selfish and self-serving. Good chance it would freak someone out and for what benefit? Please don’t ever do that again

I don’t feel unsafe and it doesn’t occur to me to accommodate that feeling. I happily walk in isolated places. I find it so sad that my friends and other women don’t feel safe to do that. I tell my daughter you only hear about the very few cases where women are harmed. You don’t hear about the millions and millions of women who go out alone every day and aren’t harmed at all.