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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When is a gift not a gift?

95 replies

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/08/2021 22:33

Friend 1 and Friend 2 live together.

For Friend 2s birthday Friend 1 makes a pamper box. This includes Friend 2s favourite ice-cream, 2 bars of chocolate, face masks, a big candle, posh crisps. Cocktail making stuff.

Friend 1 is in the middle of making the box when Friend 2 arrives home from work. She gives the gift box to Friend 2, Friend 2 loves it but is a rush as going out for a birthday meal and says thank you. She has plans this Weekend but will do the pamper night ASAP.

Friend 2 goes out and when returns box is in her room.

Next night Friend 2 goes in freezer to find some ice-cream and realises ice-cream from gift is missing. When asked Friend 1 denies the existence of ice-cream before admitting she has eaten it all. Friend 2 is upset this was her gift but Friend 1 says its a joint ice-cream so can be eaten and replaced.

Friend 1 and Friend 2 have the pamper night and enjoy it. Friend 2 sees there are things left over 2 bars of chocolate a face mask and the posh crisps so plans to use them next time they have a pamper session and leaves them with the pamper items in a basket in a shared room.

A few days later she notices the posh crisp have been eaten. Friend 1 says the crisps were never in the gift box. Friend 2 shows her a photo that shows they were in the box and Friend 1 says she didn't mean for them to be and it was a mistake as they were for herself.

Friend 2 then eats 1 bar of chocolate but replaces it and asks that Friend 1 also replaces the crisps when they go shopping.

Is friend 2 unreasonable for being upset that items that were given to her as a gift have been eaten?

OP posts:

Kalvinette · 01/08/2021 22:38

This is the weirdest friendship dynamic ever. Whats pampering about eating crisps FFS? Sounds like a lazy present.

TokyoSushi · 01/08/2021 22:40

The whole thing is unreasonable, and weird.

H8theW8 · 01/08/2021 22:40

No. Friend 1 one is a cheeky bitch!

Iwantamarshmallowman · 01/08/2021 22:49

Friend 1 is bu. I love a hamper gift but i think shes taking the piss exspecting it to be shared. Friend 2 should lock anything she wants to keep for herself in her own room, a small tub of icecream can be easily hidden under or in a large bag of peas in the freezer.

Original poster

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/08/2021 22:50

@Kalvinette

This is the weirdest friendship dynamic ever. Whats pampering about eating crisps FFS? Sounds like a lazy present.

Friend 2 was happy with the gift as it showed some thought on Friend 1s behalf

OP posts:

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/08/2021 22:51

How do you put ice cream in a pamper box? Why didn't 2 put the things in her bedroom especially when 1 is light fingered and greedy?

Original poster

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/08/2021 22:52

@Iwantamarshmallowman

Friend 2 knew it was a shared gift but thought that meant that food items would be eaten together not eaten in her abscence. Is she BU for being upset that food gifted to her has been eaten?

OP posts:

BorderlineHappy · 01/08/2021 22:52

@Iguessyourestuckwithme are you friend 2.
If you are I'd be pissed off.
It was a gift and friend 1 is a cf.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/08/2021 22:53

How is it a shared gift? Did 1 make 2 a gift for them to do together? That's a bit controlling. And it was weirdly greedy to eat the food items out of it.

Palavah · 01/08/2021 22:54

Reasonable to be miffed, but I'd suggest that it sounds like friend 1 has a binge eating disorder and could do with some help. Shaming her for eating the food is probably going to be pretty counter-productive though if raised gently it might be a way to check on her.

Original poster

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/08/2021 22:54

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

How do you put ice cream in a pamper box? Why didn't 2 put the things in her bedroom especially when 1 is light fingered and greedy?

Because Friend 2 assumed that the food was a gift and that you don't eat food you give as a present.

Friend 2 may be on the Autistic spectrum and have literal thinking.

OP posts:

Fallsballs · 01/08/2021 22:55

Friend 1 & 2 should give up on the concept of pamper boxes.

Livingintheclouds · 01/08/2021 22:56

If I was arranging a pamper evening for a friend I wouldn’t wrap it up as a gift. I’d say when are you free I’ve got a special evening planned and bring out whatever it is then. I mean who gives ice cream as a gift? But then who complains about a packet of crisps?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 01/08/2021 22:57

Left over food items from the hamper don't need to be eaten together. You should be free to eat them whenever you want. Your friend should have kept her paws off your pressie!

Blindleadingtheblind · 01/08/2021 22:57

I'm guessing you're friend 2.

Why was this a shared gift? If someone made me a pamper basket if expect it to e solely for me.

Also why did you replace a chocolate bar you had eaten? It was yours to eat in the first place (assuming you are friend 2).

Whole premise is nuts.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 01/08/2021 22:58

I wouldn't give a gift that would also be partly for myself, if I'm giving a gift, then it's for them to enjoy as and when they please so I wouldn't just help myself. If there was something I wanted, then I'd ask. If I was friend 2, I'd be pissed off

Veryverycalmnow · 01/08/2021 22:59

Friend 1 was unreasonable. Rude to eat a present meant to be shared. If friend 2 had eaten it on own, not as bad as it was her present.
I don't think it's ok. I'm guessing you're friend 2. Hope you're ok.

Saidtoomuch · 01/08/2021 23:00

Are you friend 1 or friend 2?
I think friend 2 needs a new flatmate.

MiddleClassProblem · 01/08/2021 23:01

I don’t understand. Surely it was a gift and up to friend 2 if she wanted to share the edible items etc. Otherwise why not just set up a pamper night and get her an added gift?

Original poster

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 01/08/2021 23:03

I'm friend 2 if it's not obvious.

I know it seems a big over reaction over a bag of crisps but I just wanted to have a realistic answer to whether it's OK to eat a food gift you make someone else.

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 01/08/2021 23:04

I don’t understand the concept of a shared gift of given by one of the benefitting parties - it’s basically buying some stuff and sharing it with your housemate. It’s a birthday present - why is Friend 1 getting a part of it?

The pamper box sounds oddly entirely ordinary and nothing luxurious so I don’t really ‘get it’.

But in terms of the situation, if I were friend 2 I’d think friend 1 was a twat for eating stuff and lying about it.

aussieosbourne · 01/08/2021 23:05

What have I just read? How old are these friends? This is so odd.

I mean, obviously friend 1 is a cheeky fucker and I think friend 2 needs to have a word.

paperandfireworks · 01/08/2021 23:05

If I were friend 1 I would definetly have eaten the ice cream and crisps to destroy the evidence of the crap gift.

Saidtoomuch · 01/08/2021 23:09

The fact that these are small items is irrelevant really. Your house mate is gaslighting you, if I understand the meaning of the word correctly. She put ice-cream and crisps in the hamper, then claimed they weren't there. She then made you doubt yourself that the hamper was a gift for your birthday and said it was a treat to be shared.

JellyJellyTooToo · 01/08/2021 23:10

Chocolate, ice cream and crisps have nothing really to do with pampering. Just pigging out.

It sounds like friend 1 has some kind of eating issues.

Also there’s a control element, it was a shared thing, not an actual gift to friend 2

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