When is a gift not a gift?

[Iguessyourestuckwithme]

Friend 1 and Friend 2 live together.

For Friend 2s birthday Friend 1 makes a pamper box. This includes Friend 2s favourite ice-cream, 2 bars of chocolate, face masks, a big candle, posh crisps. Cocktail making stuff.

Friend 1 is in the middle of making the box when Friend 2 arrives home from work. She gives the gift box to Friend 2, Friend 2 loves it but is a rush as going out for a birthday meal and says thank you. She has plans this Weekend but will do the pamper night ASAP.

Friend 2 goes out and when returns box is in her room.

Next night Friend 2 goes in freezer to find some ice-cream and realises ice-cream from gift is missing. When asked Friend 1 denies the existence of ice-cream before admitting she has eaten it all. Friend 2 is upset this was her gift but Friend 1 says its a joint ice-cream so can be eaten and replaced.

Friend 1 and Friend 2 have the pamper night and enjoy it. Friend 2 sees there are things left over 2 bars of chocolate a face mask and the posh crisps so plans to use them next time they have a pamper session and leaves them with the pamper items in a basket in a shared room.

A few days later she notices the posh crisp have been eaten. Friend 1 says the crisps were never in the gift box. Friend 2 shows her a photo that shows they were in the box and Friend 1 says she didn't mean for them to be and it was a mistake as they were for herself.

Friend 2 then eats 1 bar of chocolate but replaces it and asks that Friend 1 also replaces the crisps when they go shopping.

Is friend 2 unreasonable for being upset that items that were given to her as a gift have been eaten?

Your friend is only interested in being your friend when it suits her and on her terms. She cancelled the cooking thing together and made better plans. She made alternate plans for your weekend away together for your birthday, without even telling you. Then, when her bf wasn’t free, she decided to put together a ‘pamper night’ and your gift was the items for that. When you had plans, she felt put out. She’s either decided to eat the ice cream herself as she’s put out or she’s got some self control issues around food. Either way she then decided to lie to you about what was in the hamper. She didn’t even have the decency to finish the gift before you got home, maybe with a space where the ice cream should have gone with a note that it’s in the freezer.

Food as gifts are for the recipient to enjoy. If DH buys me chocolate for Christmas then I’m going to eat the chocolates. Obviously he’ll be given any chocolates that I don’t like, he knows this, I know this. However, until I offer him the disliked chocolates he doesn’t eat them because they’re my gift and I’d be pissed off if he ate my gift, irrespective of the cost. I will also share the ones I like with him but he can’t open my box of chocolates and start eating them because I’ve not spent enough time with him, not given up an evening to spend time with him when I already had plans or just because he decided he wanted to eat them. For anything that is to be enjoyed together, I wouldn’t give it as a gift. I would buy something and say “hey, I got us this chocolate experience for two to do at some point”.

Funny, I've been having similar discussions with my 3yo about gift giving.

We went to a small 4th birthday tea last week in a friend's garden. Since only one other child was invited, we took two little presents so there'd be something extra to unwrap (some chocolate animal bars and a small toy). The birthday girl unwrapped her presents at the party and then we clapped and had cake. After the cake, when birthday girl was on the trampoline, I caught my DC trying to put the presents we'd brought into their rucksack to take home . Hence a conversation about when you give a gift, it belongs to the recipient (not well received !).

I hope that by the time they're Friend 1's age, they've grasped that basic concept.

Eating the stuff is fine really if she intended to replace it but the gaslighting is not.
Does your friend have issues with eating/weight?

This has to be the pettiest and most juvenile thing I've read on here in a long time.

@eightyfourandahalf

I can’t believe you’re ‘fascinated’ by this. It can’t be difficult to work out that it means Tyrells or Kettle Chips rather than four for a pound ready salted.

ahem.. crisps that can be bought in my local Morrison are hardly "posh"

Well that’s a matter of opinion, little confused faces aside. I just don’t believe you didn’t understand the concept. Maybe you thought the OP’s friend had had crisps custom-made from gold leaf?

@EishetChayil

This has to be the pettiest and most juvenile thing I've read on here in a long time.

Ah but have you ever lived with a (female) friend? Because this is, very sadly, how it seems to go in about 80% of cases… you end up losing a friendship over pettiness. I remember in my early 20s living with a friend (now ex friend) and her friend, who then became a friend of mine as we bonded over our shared dislike for the other mutual friend. The now ex- friend had done a load of her laundry and then left for a long weekend at her boyfriend’s house leaving me and the other housemate unable to wash our clothes. I remember the other woman taking out our mutual friend’s wet clothes and leaving them in a wet pile on the kitchen floor to go musty and disgusting and giving them a good kick as she did it. We could not have hated our old friend any more in that moment. It sounded ridiculous but the small things add up.

It’s just crisps and ice cream and I can hand on heart say that I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if someone, say DH or a friend, ate “my” crisps.. but I think in this case it’s more the lying? The “what crisps? There were no crisps there..” which is designed to mess with the OP’s head. As well as the fact that the friend is flaky, dumps OP for the boyfriend but then expects OP to be there when the boyfriend is busy.

WomanStanleyWoman
why the need to be goady? Are you miffed because I pointed out that supermarket crisps are not posh? 😂

I did find some possibly "posh crips" on the fortnum website, I find the concept very amusing. Even more funny when people like you get so defensive about .. crips.

I love MN.

I’m not being defensive or ‘goady’. I do, however, think claiming you’re ‘fascinated’ by the concept is a bit goady.

@WomanStanleyWoman

I’m not being defensive or ‘goady’. I do, however, think claiming you’re ‘fascinated’ by the concept is a bit goady.

you can think what you like, it doesn't matter does it.

@Sparklfairy you do realise it's the name of a Ben and Jerry's ice cream right?

@user1471457751 no I had no idea! my mistake

What are posh crisps?

@TheBestCandidateByFar
You know they are posh when the bag is matte.

Friend one needs to buy her own snacks.

Friend 1 is unreasonable- you don't eat what you have given to someone as a gift!

It sounds quite funny and I might be tempted to borrow the crisps and ice cream if I was peckish and you were out.
I might playfully deny doing it, but wouldn't go to extremes with it and I would replace them though.

Friend 1 does not sound like a friend.

you can think what you like, it doesn't matter does it.

It doesn’t really matter what anyone on this forum thinks, does it? But you shared your view, I shared mine… pretty much the definition of a forum.

Thank you.

@Blindleadingtheblind

I'm guessing you're friend 2.

Why was this a shared gift? If someone made me a pamper basket if expect it to e solely for me.

Also why did you replace a chocolate bar you had eaten? It was yours to eat in the first place (assuming you are friend 2).

Whole premise is nuts.

Yes I agree with this.

If it's given as a gift, I'd expect it all to be for me. Not a joint 'gift' for me and the person who gave it to me!